Finding redemption at the end of a gun
by Drunken Yak inc
Summary: Chapter 1,2 & 3 have been revised.
1. The Struggle Within

A/N: I really didn't do a whole lot to this chapter. I corrected some mistakes (I'm sure there are plenty I have missed) and added a new scene along with a couple new lines. I really didn't want to change too much fearing that it would take away from the importance of the first half of the chapter. Chapter two is actually two and three combined with about seven thousand words added to help the story flow better, also to add more depth to the story then what was originally there. Chapter four will actually be chapter three, and I have added roughly eight thousand words to that chapter. I will be posting chapter two shortly after posting this one, and chapter three should be ready to post tomorrow or the next day.

-Beck

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, If I did, Bill Gates would suffer my wrath for having the balls to release Vista with a straight face.

'thoughts'

"speech, sounds"

Chapter 1 – The Struggle Within

Asuka was bleeding, well technically she was gushing blood. The cavity created by the .45 slug was spilling the crimson life force from her body at an alarming rate. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, it would be like saying "Al Gore is a douche", while being technically true, the one word just doesn't say enough.

Looking back at that moment, I don't find it difficult to decide what had shocked me the most. Was it the fact that the woman I love is bleeding to death while I hold her in my arms? Was it the fact that the bullet was for me? Or was it the fact that Asuka had shoved me out of the way? No, what had shocked me the most, was what she had said to me when I held her dying body in my arms. "I love you Shinji."

I had always imagined God as a caring, supreme being that loved all of his children. Unfortunately, being as it may that the woman I would die for did in fact die for me literally seconds after confessing her love for me, I have came to the conclusion that there is no God, or at the very least he's an incredible asshole that loves torturing me. Either way, knowing this makes what I'm about to do a whole lot easier.

A lot of people will tell you that suicide is never the answer, that it's just a form of running away. As for the latter statement, its not, I would know, I'm the king of running away. In fact killing myself is the only way to deal with the problem head on.

My problem is that I refuse to live another day without her. So, the only logical solution is to end my life and join my dear Asuka, wherever her soul maybe.

Trying to look at this situation in a poetic light, I try to form a deeper relationship with the item of my demise. The gun is a .45 caliber 1911 style Smith & Wesson, gun metal gray with black grips. I hit the release and slide the clip out and proceed to empty said clip. Laying in front of me is nine hollow point slugs in a row, a straight, equally spaced row. I examine each bullet in an descending order -examining them in an ascending order would just be crazy- and decide on the third bullet. After all, what could be more poetic then the third bullet taking the life of the third child with the same type of gun that killed his loved one? Its almost a shame that it's not my third attempt on the third day of the third month after her death. However, as previously stated I refuse to live another day, so today will have to do.

I kiss the third round before putting it into the clip and then I slide the clip into the gun. The sound "Click – Clack" reverberates off the walls in her small bedroom as I pull the slide back and release it. As I sit on her bed -gun in hand- I cant help but cry when I look around at all her belongings, I try to stop the memories from flooding in, but it's an exercise in futility. 'Soon Asuka, soon' repeats in my head as I slowly bring the barrel to my temple. I start to think about all the good and bad times we shared, well mainly bad, but now I see that those were just attempts to get my attention, she wanted me to notice her, _me_ of all people. But I did more then notice her, I loved her.

I shed a single tear as I pull the trigger, then I almost shit myself when I hear "Click". "I cant believe I forgot to flip the safety." I say to myself. I Take a couple minutes to calm down and to stop shaking. I hear Misato walk in the front door.

"Shinji, I'm home!" she yells from the hallway. "Shit!" I say as I put the gun under Asuka's pillow; I give a kiss to her picture before putting it back on the night stand. I head out to the kitchen while wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Hello Misato." I say weakly, trying to maintain my composure. "Did you have a good day at work today?" 'Like it really fucking matters, either way your going to get drunk and lock yourself in your room, and I'm going to blow my brains out of the back of my skull.'

"Not really Shinji." she appears to be contemplating what to say next.

"I know its only been two weeks since Asuka's funeral, but you need to start attending school again." she takes a swig of her beer before continuing. "And we believe that its time I set up an appointment for you to see the shrink at Nerv."

'We? Whats this we shit?'

To say I was getting angry would be a fair assessment, but I know Misato does honestly care for me, so I let it slide.

"Listen Shinji, I know you liked her, but..."

That's all Misato was able to say before I politely and kindly interjected with my own opinions about what she can do with her opinions, I even held my pinky up like the rich do while drinking tea. That's how classy, respectful and kind my response was.

"Don't you fucking dare presume you can even begin to understand my feelings for her or what I'm going through!!" I yell a little louder then what was my intent.

"I lost Kaji shortly before you lost Asuka, so I think I have a pretty damn good idea of what your going through!" Was her retort

"Kaji was your fuck buddy, Asuka was the woman I loved, the person I wanted to be the mother of my children! The person I would gladly sacrifice everyone on this planet for!"

Ok, so _maybe_ I was a little rough with her, but she needed to understand that I was displeased with what she was saying. However, I should have remembered one little piece of advice that Kaji had given me during one of our talks about Asuka.

'Actions speak louder then words.'

I'll be honest, I don't think there was anything anyone could have said, that would have spoken louder then Misato's right hook striking my left check. Hell, even the floor spoke volumes when my head made contact with it.

What I did next may seem a little 'extreme' in order to win a pissing match, but I was not going to be denied victory in the game of 'who lost the most'. So it seemed somewhat reasonable to myself when I picked myself up off the floor, walked into Asuka's room, pulled out the gun and walked back into the kitchen.

Sure, I laugh about it now, but you should have seen her face when she saw me put the gun to my head. I have never seen her so scared before, but don't think it was because I was holding a gun to my head, oh no, what really scared her was the genuine smile on my face. 'Checkmate' I think to myself before I pull the trigger.

"BANG!!!"

I never would have imagined I would have been able to hear the gunshot or even feel the breeze of the small explosion going off in the chamber, but I did. What I didn't feel was a bullet enter my skull. It takes a second to realize that I'm still alive, well for that matter, I'm even still standing. I look at the gun, then I look at Misato. Tears start streaming down my face when I finally realized what was going on.

"Shinji, I...."

"Don't." I say. "What the hell are blanks doing in your spare service pistol Misato?"

"Why would you do that Shinji?" Tears are streaming down her face as her knees give and she lands on the floor. "W-Why would you put e-everyone that cares for you t-through that?" She manages to say in between sobs.

"You honestly don't get how much I love her?" Yea, I really am shocked she would be that ignorant.

"B-but enough to want to die Shinji?"

"I died with Asuka..."

"You don't mean that Shinji!"

"Says the person that just watched me try to kill myself." I say as I cup my face with my hands.

"Shinji... There is something you should know." I look at her questioningly, I can see the turmoil in her eyes. "Look I know I should have told you sooner but I was ordered not to tell anyone, as it is now, only four people know."

"Misato?" My heart starts pounding in my chest as I contemplate what she could possible have to tell me.

"She's alive Shinji."

As the air left my body and I fell to the floor, I realized one thing before I blacked out, "She's alive Shinji." speaks a helluva a lot louder then Misato's fist.

***

Understandably so, once I resumed a somewhat conscious state I had a great deal of questions that I would appreciate someone answering.

"Misato, I swear to God if this is some sort of sick joke..."

"I'm serious Shinji, she survived the shooting."

"Why the fuck did you keep this from me!!!" I screamed with my fists clenched.

"Shinji please calm down!" This is the first time I see Misato flinch at anything I have ever said.

"Where is she and when can I see her!" I say slightly quieter, but my fists are still clenched.

"Shinji, your father doesn't want anyone to know till they catch the guy that shot her."

"I swear on my mothers grave, I will kill whoever keeps me from being with her!" I may have said that out of anger, but I really couldn't deny the fact that I would go to any extreme to see her. Person I care for or not, no one will keep me from her.

"Shinji I had my orders, I was threatened with jail time if I didn't comply!"

"I tried to kill myself Misato! Don't you think that maybe you spending a week or so in jail is worth saving my life?!"

"I didn't know you were this depressed!"

"I have to see her Misato!"

"I don't know if that can happen right now Shinji."

"Please Misato....."

"Let me make a few phone calls and I will see what I can do."

I decided that I have had enough stress for the day and head to Asuka's bedroom to get some sleep. I lay on her bed and place my head on her pillow. "I can smell her shampoo." Is the last thing I say before the tears resume.

***

"God damn it Shinji." Is all I can say. I don't like lying to him, but I fear it's the only way I can get him to see professional help. I know he is going to hate me when he realizes what is actually going on, but I'm willing to be the bad guy in order to save his life. I walk over to the fridge and grab a beer. Little droplets of beer fall to the floor as I pull the tab. Maybe it's because I feel guilty or maybe it's because the beer is past it's date, I don't know, but either way I can't help feel that it's a little more bitter then normal. I dump the can into the sink and then proceeded to the phone to call Ritsuko.

"_Hello?" _Ritsuko says in her normally chipper voice.

"It's me."

"_What do you want Misato?"_

"I need your help." For some reason, I feel like a teenager that has just been caught seeking out.

"_What did you crash into, how much have you drank and is there any witnesses?"_

"I don't need that kind of help again you ass! it's about Shinji." Oh sure, just because I _may_ have been in a few alcohol related driving incidents doesn't mean that's all I ever need help with.

"_I'm sorry Misato, now tell me what you need so I can get back to work."_

"I want to have Shinji committed." The silence on the other end of the line tells me she was surprised.

"_What?"_

"He tried to kill himself tonight."

"_I-I... what?"_

"Shinji tried to kill himself. He failed because the gun was loaded with blanks. I told him Asuka was alive."

"_You did what! Why the hell would you tell him that?" _I had to hold the phone away from my ear to avoid going deaf.

"Because I am going to tell him that we are going to be visiting Asuka, in reality, we will be going to the mental ward."

"_So why do you need my help?"_

"I need you to set it up with the doctor, I would also like section two agents there to restrain him."

"_When do you want to do this?"_

"Tomorrow if possible."

"_Fair enough, be at the hospital at nine a.m.."_

I give her my thanks and hang up the phone. I walk into Asuka's room and tell Shinji we will go see her tomorrow morning. It breaks my heart when he gives me a hug and thanks me.

I'm fairly confident that there is a special place in hell reserved for me.

***

Shinji rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. After that, he headed to the kitchen to make him and Misato breakfast. He was surprised to see her already awake and fully dressed, and judging by the amount of empty beer cans sprawled around her, she had been for a while. Warning bells started ringing in his head.

"Misato?" Shinji looked at her questioningly.

"Morning Shinji." Was her lifeless response before she took another swig.

"How long have you been up for?" Shinji then noticed all of the empty cans on the floor around her.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Are you ok Misato?"

"I-I'm fine, just have a lot on my mind right now." Misato stared off into the distance.

"What's not being said Misato?" Shinji asked while picking up one of the empty cans and waving it in front of her.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me Misato!" Shinji crushed the can and tossed it against the wall.

"It's nothing for you to worry about Shinji." Misato refused to look at Shinji.

"Are you still taking me to see Asuka?" Misato nodded her head yes.

"Then what's wrong Misato?" Shinji said in a calmer voice as he took a seat next to Misato.

Misato let out a sigh. "Shinji, there is a time when your going to be faced with a situation that causes you to do things you don't want to do, things that you won't be proud of, things that will wish that you didn't have to do... Things that will eat you up inside... Things that are evil..." She took another drink. "We justify our actions by telling ourselves that ends justify the means. But honestly, it doesn't, because most of the time it ends up being a Pyrrhic victory." Misato just stares at the can in her hand.

"Then why do it?"

"Because sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Even if it goes against every preconception you have held about you self. Sometimes hating yourself for what you have become, is worth it. Look at you for instance. Why did you want to kill yourself?"

"I-Don't want to talk about it." Shinji was now the one that refused eye contact.

"Did you do it because you feel guilty that she took your bullet? No. You did it because spending the rest of eternity in hell is a chance your willing to take if it means that you could see Asuka again. You attempted to partake in the ultimate sin, just so you could see her again. That is what I am talking about Shinji."

Your wrong, I do feel guilty that she took my bullet!" Shouted Shinji.

"I know, but that wasn't the reason you wanted to take your own life."

"How would you know?" Shinji glared at Misato.

"Why do you think there's blank rounds in my gun. I took away the temptation after Kaji died."

"You were going to kill yourself?!" Yelled Shinji.

"The only thing that stopped me was I knew that I still had you and Asuka." Shinji gave Misato a look of understanding.

"I didn't know Misato." Shinji said meekly.

"I know this is a lot to put on you, but your all I have left." Shinji hugged his guardian. "Your all I have left too." Shinji released her and went to the fridge.

"Do you want me to make breakfast Misato?"

"No, they're picking us up in ten minutes."

Shinji closed the fridge and dropped his head. "Thanks again Misato, I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me." Shinji raised his head and gave her a smile.

"I know Shinji... I know..."

***

Shinji and Misato entered the medical wing of Nerv. Shinji never understood how such a large place could feel so claustrophobic, maybe it had to do with the overpowering antiseptic smell. Shinji followed Misato up to the receptionists desk.

"Excuse me miss, can you tell Dr. Scolari that Misato Katsuragi and Shinji Ikari are here?"

"Of coarse I will major, please have seat over there while I go get him."

Shinji sat in the chair next to Misato and impatiently tapped his feet. The wait had already felt like hours when in reality it was only a few minutes.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting Major Katsuragi." Said a short, dark haired man.

"It's not a problem Dr. Scolari, this is Shinji."

"A pleasure to meet you Mr. Ikari." The doctor held out his hand and Shinji shook it.

"The pleasure is all mine, but please call me Shinji."

Unfortunately for Shinji, he didn't notice the section two agents walking up behind him until it was too late.

"What the hell!!" Shinji tried to break the grip the section two agents had, but it was no use.

"Shinji Ikari, you have been deemed a danger to yourself and others, you are to be incarcerated under the advisement of Dr. Scolari until he sees fit that you are no longer a danger to yourself or others."

If ignorance is bliss, then realization is a mother fucker. Especially the realization that Misato had lied to him. The realization that he was being committed. The realization that Asuka was in fact dead and he had lost his opportunity to join her. The pain in his heart was almost unbearable as the tears flowed like rain drops in the Amazon.

"Shinji.... please forgive me, it's what's best for you." The look that Shinji gave her told her he didn't feel the same way.

"I trusted you." Was his only words as he was escorted out of the room.

A/N: Did you like the changes, or should I have left it alone? Should I have taken this chapter further?


	2. Dear Agony

A/N: I had decided to combine chapter two and three. Then added content to give the story more depth, and also to help it flow better. I also have Asuka and Shinji come closer in this chapter then I previously had them. I also corrected as many mistakes as possible, feel free to point out any I have missed. I hope you like the changes I've made.

-Beck

I don't own Evangelion, If I did, I would be driving a Porsche 911 GT3 at Laguna Seca instead of typing this fucking disclaimer.

Chapter 2 – Dear Agony

Shinji gasped for breath as he sat up in bed, his forehead was covered in sweat and tears were streaming down his face. It was 3:52 a.m. according to his alarm clock. He stumbled out of bed and made a break for the bathroom, the contents of dinner threating to breach the point of no return. After praying to the porcelain God, Shinji washed his face and rinsed his mouth out before leaving the bathroom and going back to crash in his room.

Shinji laid back down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to fall back asleep was a futile task that he wouldn't bother with. The dream had shaken Shinji, he had never had a more realistic dream in his life and it scared the hell out of him. He remembered the feeling of the cold steel barrel pressed against his temple, the way the textured grip felt in his hand and the way time slowed down right as he pulled the trigger. Worst of all, was remembering how Asuka had felt in his arms as she said those four little words he couldn't believe she would ever say.

'Like Asuka would ever love me.' After all, just a few short weeks ago she had stated the exact opposite, she had no qualms about telling him how much she hated him. 'That bitch thinks she is so much better then everyone else, like she is something special.' Shinji winced, he knew she was special. She was everything he wasn't. Hell, she was the only girl he would fantasize about whenever he jerked off.

Sunlight started peaking through his blinds when he decided to take a quick shower before venturing out into the kitchen to make breakfast. As he closed the curtain and turned on the water, he couldn't help but chuckle when he looked at Asuka's shampoo bottle. Shinji may be in love with Asuka, but that didn't stop him from wanting revenge whenever she had managed to piss him off. One of those times, he got retribution by shooting his load into her shampoo. It was a spur of the moment idea that had two very different effects, the first being that he was excited to have gotten revenge. The second being it turned him on to think that his seed was on her. Of coarse Asuka had no idea that Shinji had gotten revenge. She would kill him if she ever found out.

He stopped to think about that fight. She had been pissed that Shinji was with the two stooges instead of being at home, waiting on her hand and foot. When he did finally get home, much to his dismay, his ignorance on the subject of pissed off Germans was quickly eradicated. She had thrown the proverbial book of insults at him and finished it off with a 'You weak, untrustworthy homosexual' followed by a slap to the face. Shinji balled his hand into a fist, turned around and walked the other way.

Shinji dried himself off and headed for his room to get dressed. He put on his school uniform and walked out of his room, an idea struck him as he passed Asuka's door. He quickly walked back into his room and grabbed his wallet. He then proceeded to leave the apartment as he took the elevator to the ground floor. He left the building and walked three blocks to the east and into the flower shop on the corner. It was a well lit establishment that smelt like a fresh spring morning. The person behind the counter was an older Japanese woman with dark gray hair and a contagious smile on her face. Shinji walked up to the counter and smiled at the lady.

"How may I help you young man?" The woman asked in a motherly tone.

"I would like a bouquet of lilies please."

"For your girlfriend?" Asked the kind woman.

"N-no she's just a friend." Stammered a red cheek Shinji.

"Is it her birthday?"

"No, I just thought that it might make her happy."

"Well that's awful sweet of you do to that for a friend." Smirked the old woman.

"T-thanks."

Shinji payed for the flowers and left the shop to go back home. Shinji placed the flowers in a vase and then placed the vase on the kitchen table. He then went into the bathroom and ran a bath for Asuka before returning to the kitchen to make breakfast. Today he would make one of Asuka's favorite breakfasts in hopes that the woman of his dreams would show some appreciation, or at the very least not hit him. The afore mentioned blue eyed goddess threw open her door and shuffled into the bathroom. Much to her surprise, a bath had already been drawn with her strawberry scented bath beads mixed in. Now a normal teenage girl would have been excited that a fellow teenage boy would be thoughtful enough to do something like this with out being told to. Unfortunately, when dealing with certain examples of the female species, specifically the variant of the redheaded German type with a superiority complex, (Scientific name "Bitcheous Extremis" for those of you playing at home) doing something like this is obviously a ruse for some perverted reason or another, and as usual the punishment can vary between a swift kick in the balls, a slap across the face, or in extreme circumstances, Death.

As Bitchasaurus Rex made her way into the kitchen, she came to an abrupt halt at seeing what the boy formally known as Shinji had placed on the table. It was a glass vase filled with lilies. Once again a normal teenage girl would be bubbly when receiving flowers from a boy for no reason at all, but lets face it, when referencing Asuka, normal is not a word that comes to mind. Bitch maybe, but not normal.

Asuka looked at the flowers and then at Shinji.

"Who are those for?" Asked Asuka.

"Th-there for you Asuka."

"How did you know I liked lilies?" Asked Asuka as she traced her finger over one of the flowers.

"I had heard you tell Kaji once that one of your favorite flowers was lilies." Shinji spoke cautiously.

"I had told Kaji that I wanted him to get me lilies, not you." Spoke Asuka with an angry glint in her eyes.

"I-I just w-wanted to do something n-nice for you Asuka, y-you've seemed a little down lately, so I thought it would cheer you up." Stammered Shinji.

Asuka picked up the vase and smelled the flowers, she then ripped them out of the vase and threw them in the trash.

"I wanted flowers from Kaji, not from you!!!" Asuka yelled.

"I-I'm sorry I'm not Kaji... _Asuka_." Shinji said with a slight bit of venom in his voice as his shoulders slumped and his head dropped.

"You're damn right your not Kaji, you pathetic excuses of a boy!" Shouted Asuka.

"Why do you have to be so mean?" Shinji said softly, just not softly enough.

"What did you just say to me?" Asuka spoke with narrowed eyes.

"I-I didn't say anything!" Said a fearful Shinji as he backed away from Asuka.

"Tell me what you said!" Shouted Asuka, which caused Shinji to flinch.

"I-I said w-why do you have to be so mean." Shinji said meekly.

Shinji wasn't sure how it happened, but within the blink of an eye, he was on the ground and his left cheek was burning. He raised his left hand and brought it to his face; he winced as the pain shot through his cheek.

"Did you just smack me?" Asked Shinji as his eyebrow began to twitch.

"Damn right! And I'll do it again if you ever talk to me like that again!" Smirked the German.

"I can't believe you just hit me." Shinji had a scowl upon his face as he picked himself up off the floor.

"You think you can say what ever you want to the great Asuka Langley Soryu and not be punished for it?" Asuka said defiantly with her hands on her hips.

"I buy you flowers, I draw you a bath and I'm making your breakfast, and you show your gratitude by hitting me?" Shinji's voice was shacking with anger.

"I told you, I only want Kaji to do those things for me."

"Well excuse me for not being a womanizing asshole that has no interest in being with you romantically! Shinji shouted in rage. "But apparently I'm the asshole because I don't bar hop looking for the next lay, I don't treat woman as objects and I don't make Misato cry herself to sleep at night!" Shinji fists were balled up and he was trembling. Asuka was about to speak when Shinji cut her off. "And you would think you would respect me for that, but nooooo" Shinji puts his hands on his hips and does his best Asuka impression. "Shinji is just a worthless, spineless, perverted little baka and I can't stand the fact that he breathes the same air that I do!" Shinji turned back around and angrily resumed cooking.

"How dare you talk about him that way! After everything hes done for you!" Asuka yelled back.

"Kaji is the closest thing I have to a father figure and I respect him, but that doesn't mean that I ignore his faults, I accept him for his good and his bad, but don't you dare think I'm going to be insulted by you saying I'm not like him." Shinji was still angry but had started to calm down a little.

"No you aren't, your just a whinny little bitch thats all depressed cause his little crush would rather be with a womanizer than his sorry ass!" Retorted the fiery German.

Shinji takes the pan he had in his hands and threw it on the stove. The grease splashed out of the pan and splattered all over the stove and the wall.

"Fuck you Asuka, make your own damn breakfast! Or better yet, call up _your_ Kaji and ask him to make you breakfast! Oh wait! Let me guess, he's way to suave and handsome and manly to do something as demeaning as waking up early in the morning to cook you breakfast so you don't have to!"

Shinji grabbed his keys and his back pack from his room, he hurriedly walked through the kitchen with his fists clenched and was putting his shoes on when he turned his head and looked at the still shocked Asuka.

"You know what Asuka? I'm sorry I'm not handsome enough for you, I'm sorry I'm not strong enough for you, I'm sorry I'm not tall enough for you or even smart enough for you. But how many other guys would put up with your shit Asuka? Name me one person besides myself that would take your abuse. Or better yet, name one guy that likes you for who you are on the inside. Not because of how big your boobs are, or how tight your ass is or because you're an Eva pilot, but because of who you are."

Asuka attempts to speak, she wants to tell him that he's wrong. She wants to list off a bunch of guys names, but she can't, she knows he is right. So, she just stood there, shocked that the spineless wimp just made her his bitch.

"You're right Asuka, I am pathetic. I must be the most pathetic man on Earth to ever have allowed myself to fall in love with you."

Shinji closed the door and headed to school. Meanwhile Asuka walked to the trash can, grabbed the flowers out and returned them to the vase before taking the vase to her room. She put them on her dresser and headed to the bathroom. She sat at the edge of the tub and waded her hand into the water to check if it's still warm. To her delight she found that the temperature was still adequate, she stood up and stripped out of her night clothes and slipped into the bath Shinji had readied for her. The warm water soothed her tense muscles while the fragrance of the bath beads reminded her of how much trouble he went through for her this morning, only for her pride to rear its ugly head. Asuka laid her head against the back of the tub and stared at the ceiling.

"Why does he always do things that will make me mad at him?" Asuka asked to no one in particular.

"Why did I get mad at him?"

_'Because you love him'_

"I assure you that the great Asuka Langley Soryu is not in love with that baka! And regardless, how would me being in love with him make me angry when he does things to show he cares?"

_'Because your scared that he will break your heart.'_

"Look, maybe I do, maybe I don't, but you can't blame me for thinking that! Look how many times he has ran away in the past!" Asuka raised her soap covered arms into the air.

_'I never said your concerns weren't justified. But if you don't take a chance and open yourself up to him then you will always wonder what could have been.'_

"But look what my papa did to my mama, had she never opened her heart to him, she wouldn't have had her heart broken by him."

_'True, but then she wouldn't have had you, Unit-2 wouldn't have had a pilot and the world as we know it wouldn't exist.'_

"Well then all my problems would be solved, wouldn't they?"

_'Quit being such a bitch. No wonder you don't have many friends.'_

"You know, when normal people argue with themselves they don't call themselves names."

_'And they normally keep the conversation in their head.'_

"I'm home alone, why does it matter if I talk out loud?"

_'Yea, because Nerv would never bug their employee's home with listening devices.'_

'Shit, that would explain the strange looks some of the security workers give me.'

_'I think those looks have more to do with you turning eighteen in seven months.'_

"What does that have to do wi... Oh my god! Those perverts!" Asuka shouted.

_'You know Shinji turns eighteen sooner then you do.'_

'What's your point?'

_'He will be fair game to every woman now, not just school girls.'_

'Shit!'

_'You've been warned.'_

***

Shinji had enjoyed his lonely walk to school this morning. It had given him plenty of time to reflect on the poor choices he had made this morning. Sure, he had hoped she would have acted differently, but who was he kidding, this is Asuka we're talking about. The one good thing that had come out of the confrontation with her is that he finally was able to stand up to her. He just hoped he hadn't signed his death warrant. When he finally got to school he gave a quick greeting to his friends before sitting at his desk with his head down. Shinji wanted time to think about what he should do about Asuka. His current line of thinking was to just cut his loses and go back to being apathetic to everything she would say or do. It would be much easier to deal with her if there were no romantic feelings towards her.

Shinji avoided Asuka's gaze when she walked into the class room. He wasn't sure why, but just her very presence was making him feel angry. Every annoying, high pitched piece of dribble that left her mouth caused Shinji's blood pressure to rise. It's a reaction he had never felt before, and frankly, wasn't too overly comfortable with. Shinji placed his head on his desk and tuned out the world around him. This had successfully calmed his nerves enough for him to think about how he would stop fixating on the German. The only way he figure he could stop all feelings for her would be to stop being around her so much. A hard task to accomplish when you live with someone. Short of moving out, it seemed he was doomed to be infatuated with her. It seemed that fate was especially cruel today, upon the lunch bell ringing Shinji went to his favorite oak tree, only to find the redhead seated comfortably against the tree. Shinji sighed as he sat across from the volatile girl.

"Mein Gott Shinji!" Asuka was looking in her old school 'Super Mario Brothers' lunch box, when she discovered that the perverted baka had forgotten a key piece to puzzle that is lunch.

"W-what is it now Asuka?" Shinji asked, with words laced with dread

"Why don't you take a look at your lunch and tell me what's wrong." Asuka spoke with a dangerous look in her eyes.

Shinji pulled out his lunch sack - Asuka had destroyed his 'Spider Man' lunch box - when he discovered the error of his ways.

"Son of a Bi...." Was all he could say before Asuka's lunch box had completed its maiden voyage on a crash coarse with his forehead.

"Asuka!" Hikari yelled as Shinji clutched his head in pain.

"That Dummkopf forgot to put the sandwiches in!" Asuka yelled in defense.

"That doesn't give you the right to throw your lunch box at him, you 'she man devil bitch'!"

Toji should have known better then to call Asuka a 'she man', but apparently being 'mentally quick on his toes' isn't something that could be said when referring to Toji. Asuka on the other hand, was very quick on her toes. Hikari just hoped he would still be able to produce kids after a kick like that.

"Asuka! How many times do I have to tell you not to hit Toji there?" Yelled Hikari.

"Damn it Shinji! If you weren't such a worthless little boy, I wouldn't have had to ruin Hikari's chances at having kids with the dumb jock!" Hikari was blushing heavily and Toji would have been blushing, except for the fact that he was still on the ground trying to cough his nuts up.

"Its not my fault your such a bitch! If you wouldn't have done what you did this morning, I wouldn't have left early without finishing our lunches!" That statement made Asuka's jaw drop while the rest of the group simultaneously sweat dropped. Well, except for Toji, he was in too much pain to comprehend what the hell was going on.

"What did you just say to me Ikari?" Asuka said with rage painted over her face

"You know what Asuka? Your not worth it." Shinji quickly looked away, missing the quick flash of hurt in Asuka's eyes.

"Isn't that what your father told you?" Asuka blurted out before her mind could tell her mouth not to say it. Shinji instantly saw red, in that very moment he stopped basing his actions on rational thoughts and instead let his emotions take over. Shinji grabbed her upper arms and roughly forced her against the tree.

"I am sick and tired of putting up with your shit Asuka!" Asuka whimpered as he tightened his grip, brought her forward before slamming her back against the tree, causing her head to make a thud sound.

"All you ever do is treat me and everyone around you like dirt!" Shinji was shouting with his face a few inches from hers.

"Shinji you're hurting me!" Her vision becoming slightly blurred by the tears that were threatening to escape.

"Why Asuka! Why do you have to be so damn mean! All I have ever done is be nice to you and try to be your friend, and what do you do? You keep yelling, hitting and bossing me around, telling me how pathetic I am, well you know what Asuka? Your the one thats pathetic!" He released his grip on her and she slid to the ground, a few tears trickling down her face.

"I don't need you or anyone else! Do you hear me! I hate you Shinji! I h-hate y-you!" Asuka couldn't contain her tears anymore as she stared at him with nothing but hate in her eyes.

"The great Asuka Langley Soryu doesn't need anybody! She cooks, cleans, buys groceries and does her own laundry! Oh wait, thats what I do!" Shinji started to walk away before he turned and looked at her. "Stop lying to yourself Asuka, the truth is you need me, I don't need you."

Shinji walked back into the school and went to the roof in hopes of getting some privacy. He wanted time to gather his thoughts and try to figure out what the hell had motivated him to talk back to Asuka like that. Sure, she deserved every bit of that, but there have been plenty of times that she has deserved it, and Shinji had done nothing but cower away. Shinji started to feel guilty about making Asuka cry, but his thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of someone approaching.

"Shin-man that was awesome!"

"That wasn't awesome Toji." Shinji said while glaring at him

"I have to agree with Toji, you finally stood up to that demon!" Shouted Kensuke as he pumped a fist into the air.

Shinji held his face in his hands

"But I made her cry." Shinji said.

"Dude that was the best part!" Kensuke and Toji gave each other a high five.

"You guys just don't understand how it makes me feel to see her cry. And its worse because I'm the reason she is crying!" Shouted Shinji

Both of his friends looked at him questioningly

"What the hell happened to you Shinji?" Asked Kensuke.

"I've just been thinking about things."

"And you cant talk to your best friends about it?" Asked Toji.

Shinji pulled his knees to his chest and looked down.

"How do you expect me to talk to either of you, when it's about her? I really do get tired of hearing how much of a bitch you think she really is." Said Shinji without looking at either of his friends.

"Shinji, if you need to talk, we will keep the insults to a minimum. Said Toji.

"Alright, If you wanna listen, then I will tell you. I-I think I'm in l-love with Asuka." Shinji said.

Kensuke shook his head and sat next to Shinji, Toji just stood there with a confused look on his face.

"Dude, that's some really heavy shit to be saying without any kind of warning." Kensuke said.

"You mean a different Asuka, right?" Said Toji while scratching his head.

Shinji looked at Kensuke before speaking

"I had a dream last night that Asuka was dying in my arms. She looked me right in the eyes and told me she loved me right before she took her last breath." Shinji paused to wipe a tear away. "I know it was just a dream, but I swear I can still feel her warm blood running down my arms and I can still feel the coldness of her body when they paramedics finally arrived and took her away from me." Shinji paused to rub his arms. "I woke up with a broken heart, that single moment was the worst moment of my life. Then I started to get depressed because I know that she could only love me in my dreams." Kensuke put his hand on Shinji's shoulder. "So after I took a shower, I went down the street from the apartment to the florist and bought Asuka a bundle of lilies. I put them in a vase on the table and then drew her a bath with her favorite bath beads mixed in. I had also started making her a special breakfast before she woke up." Shinji wipes a couple more tears away.

"Damn Casanova, what did she think about all that?" Asked Kensuke.

Shinji chuckled before answering. "She threw the flowers into the trash and she yelled at me because she only wanted flowers from Kaji."

"I don't think I would be chuckling over that Shinji." Said Toji.

"Would you prefer that I cry in front of you instead?"

"Shit, sorry man, I wasn't thinking." Said Toji.

"So what did you do?" Asked Kensuke.

"Well, long story short, I said fuck you and told her how I'm the only man that would put up with her shit, then I told her I must be pathetic to have ever allowed myself to fall in love with her." Shinji cleared his throat and attempted to nonchalantly wipe his eyes again.

"Damn." Toji and Kensuke said in unison.

"Yup." Replied Shinji.

"So... Now what?"

"I don't know what to do from this point on."

"Alright Shinji, you know how I feel about her, but have you thought about telling her how you feel?" The cringe on Kensuke's face wasn't lost on Shinji.

"I did this morning right before I walked out the door, and you seen how she treated me a few minutes ago."

"No dude, you insulted her while saying it. You need to tell her when you two aren't having a fight." Said Kensuke.

Dude, it doesn't matter either way, can we just not talk about this again?" Asked Shinji.

"Alright Shinji, you don't have to talk about this right now, but you know what you have to do." Said Kensuke.

The bell rang and the three stooges headed back to the classroom. Shinji dropped his head at the sight of the puffy eyed redheaded girl glaring at him. Shinji sat down and opened his computer, much to his surprise, there was an IM from Asuka.

_Pilot02_: I hate you

Shinji sighed as he typed a response.

_Shin-Man_: I know you do Asuka

_Pilot02_: Don't talk to me!

_Shin-Man_: I was just responding back to you Asuka

_Pilot02_: I said don't talk to me!

_Pilot02_: I hope you die Third Child.....

_Shin-Man_: I'm sorry Asuka, I should have never spoken to you like that or pushed you around

_Pilot02_: It's ok Shinji, I'm actually glad you finally grew a back bone

_Shin-Man_: Really?????

_Pilot02_: No baka, I HATE YOU!!!!!

_Shin-Man_: One of these days your going to realize that maybe I'm not so bad, and when you do, I will no longer be there for you

_Pilot02_: The best day of my life will be the day I no longer have to put up with you

_Shin-Man_: Why do you like to hurt me so much Asuka?

_Pilot02_: Because I hate you

Shin-Man: I hate me too Asuka, I hate me too

_Pilot02_: Not more then I do

_Shin-Man_: Answer one question for me Asuka and I will never bother you again. Why do you hate me?

_Pilot02_: That's none of your damn business, _Third Child_

_Shin-Man has signed off_

_ClassRep_: I think he really loves you Asuka

_Pilot02_: I don't care if he does or not

_ClassRep_: Why do you hate him so much?

_Pilot02_: Because he is a coward that runs away from his problems.

_ClassRep: _He's not a coward Asuka, he's a pacifist. Why does it bother you if he runs away from his problems?

_Pilot02: _Because I can't open up to him if he's just going to run away at the drop of a hat!

_ClassRep: _What does opening up to him have to do with you being constantly mean to him?

_Pilot02: _Just never mind ok? Let's talk about something else.

_ClassRep: _Wait, you really do _like_ him, don't you?

_Pilot02: _Just drop it Hikari!

_ClassRep: _Oh my God! You do!

_Pilot02: _Will you please stop! I don't want to talk about that

_ClassRep_: You know Ikari wouldn't do that to you

_Pilot02:_ Hikari please! Just drop it!

_ClassRep: _No Asuka! I am your best friend, you are going to talk to me about this even if it kills you! Now tell me why your so sure he would abandoned you?

_Pilot02_: Damn it Hikari... Fine, he claims to love me, but if he did, he wouldn't have said those things to me today. Besides, I see the way he looks at Ayanami

_ClassRep_: Toji just sent me the conversation he and Shinji had at lunch, hold on for a second and I'll send it to you

_ClassRep_: _"He had a dream last night were she said she loved him right before she died and then he said it was the worst momnt of his life which is messed up becuase it was just a dream and she broke his heart when she thouw the flowers in the trash and said he wasn't Kaji"_ He really needs to work on his spelling

_Pilot02_: Ok, so maybe I was a little harsh, but can you blame me for being scared of him breaking my heart, and I call him a dumb jock for a reason

_ClassRep_: But your ok with breaking his?

_Pilot02_: He will get over it

_ClassRep_: I think you should give Shinji a chance

_Pilot02_: Why should I?

_ClassRep_: Well he's nice, caring, thoughtful, smart and I seen him without a shirt on the other day.

_Pilot02_: When did you see him without a shirt?????

_ClassRep_: A little Jealous are we? lol He was playing basketball with Toji the other day. You never told me he was _that_ toned

Pilot02: Whatever, Its been a couple months since I've seen him without a shirt on and he wasn't much to look at then

_ClassRep_: Well apparently puberty has done Shinji some good, I know a lot of the other girls in the school think so too

_Pilot02_: Good, then maybe they can occupy his time so he will leave me alone

_Shin-Man has signed on._

_Shin-Man_: 82

_Pilot02_: What?

_Shin-Man_: The teacher asked you a question, the answer is 82

Asuka looks up to see the teacher staring at her.

"The answer is 82."

The teacher smiles at her before continuing the lesson

_Pilot02: _I thought you said you were going to leave me alone, Dummkopf

_Shin-Man has signed off._

_ClassRep: _You have to admit, that was awful nice of him, he didn't want you to get reprimanded by the teacher for not paying attention

_Pilot02_: Can we please stop talking about him... please

_ClassRep_: You do realize that by pushing him away you are basically pushing him into the arms of Ayanami

_Pilot02_: What do you suppose I do? Huh? Walk up to him and tell him that I'm in love with him and that the only reason I've been treating him like crap is because the great Asuka Langley Soryu is scared of him breaking her heart? Fat chance of that happening

_ClassRep_: No Asuka, all you have to do is just stop pushing him away

_CanonEOS_: I doubt the Devil has a heart to break

Shinji hears a gasp from Asuka. 'I wonder what there talking about?'

_ClassRep_: Kensuke! What have I told you about sneaking into peoples conversations

_CanonEOS_: So apparently the Shin-Man has a secret admirer? Too bad that's not going to be so secret for too long

_Pilot02_: DO IT AND YOU DIE STOOGE!!!!!!

_CanonEOS:_ Oops! Looks like I accidentally sent a copy to Shinji

Asuka looked at Shinji. 'He better not have sent that to Shinji.' Her doubts were soon eliminated as Shinji started to blush. 'Wait, he looks angry?' She thought to herself before returning her attention to her computer.

_Shin-Man has signed in_

_Shin-Man_: WHY DID YOU DO THAT KENSUKE???????

_CanonEOS_: Why are you mad at me?

_Shin-Man_: Asuka you honestly believe that I would ever intentionally hurt you?

_Pilot02_: I am not having this talk with you

_Shin-Man_: I thought you knew me better then this Asuka, but apparently you don't know me at all

_Shin-Man has signed off_

_CanonEOS_: Shit...

_ClassRep_: I'm so sorry Asuka I didn't know Kensuke was watching our conversation!

_Pilot02_: God damn it Kensuke...

_Pilot02 has signed off_

_ClassRep_: Clean up for one whole week Kensuke

_CanonEOS_: But you're the one that sent me the invite to the chat!!

_ClassRep_: I know, but if I don't punish you then Asuka will think somethings up

_CanonEOS_: That's so not fair!

_ClassRep has signed out_

Asuka closed the lid of her computer, crossed her arms over her chest and stared straight ahead. Shinji closed his computer and put his head down on the desk. Hikari opened up the word processing program and started writing down ideas to fix this situation. Kensuke sent the conversation over to Toji so he would be in the loop. Once Toji was done reading he clicked on the link Kensuke sent him.

(Toji's words are purposely misspelled.)

_ToJam has signed in._

_CanonEOS: _What are we going to do?

_ToJam:_ About what?

_CanonEOS:_ Son of a bitch! You really are dense sometimes!

_ToJam:_ Jist tell me what the problem is asshole

_CanonEOS: _Shinji likes Asuka, Asuka Likes Shinji...

_ToJam: _I'm wit you so far...

_CanonEOS: _We are going to lose our friend to the devil if they ever stop fighting!

_ToJam:_ Oh damn, your right! What are we going to do about it?

_CanonEOS:_ We need to keep them fighting

_ToJam:_ I dunno about this man? What if Shinji finds out and like um gets all retard strong and kicks our ass?

_CanonEOS:_ Is that like the pot calling the kettle black?

_ToJam: _What?

_CanonEOS:_ Ummm never mind, forget I said it.

_ToJam: _Man you know I dont do drugs

_CanonEOS: _Christ, look, are you in or out?

_ToJam:_ I'll help

_CanonEOS: _Ok, tell Shinji that you want to hang out with him after school. Then just make sure to instigate a fight between the two of them. I'll send you and Shinji an invite to a new chat.

Kensuke closed the chat room and sent an invite to Shinji and Toji, but not before sending Hikari a back door link to watch the chat in administrator mode.

_Shin-Man and ToJam have signed in._

_Shin-Man:_ I just want to be left alone guys

_CanonEOS:_ Cheer up dude

_ToJam: _Is it cool if I come over after school?

_Shin-Man: _Anything to distract me from Asuka...

_CanonEOS: _I know you love her and all, but you need to drop her like a bad habit. She's no good for you Shinji, and frankly I'm tired of her constantly treating you like crap

_Shin-Man: _So am I, but what can I do about it???

_CanonEOS:_ That's something you are going to have to figure out for yourself my friend

_Shin-Man: _What do you think Toji?

_ToJam: _Dude I dunno how you put up with her this long

_Shin-Man: _She's not that bad when she isn't yelling

_CanonEOS: _Dude I know she is beautiful, I know that she has the most amazing baby blue eyes, but she is ugly on the inside. She is a horrible person and a shitty friend, even to Hikari. If you had even a small sliver of self esteem you would realize that you are entirely way to good for her.

_Shin-Man:_ You guys just don't ever see the other side of her

_CanonEOS: _Whatever man, if you truly believe that she isn't all bad then may I suggest that it is time to shit or get off the pot. Either tell her how you feel or start fixating on someone else, I'm sure Toji would make an excellent husband for you.

_ToJam:_ Hey!

_CanonEOS: _Just kidding!

_Shin-Man: _I don't have the strength to take her rejection right now...

_CanonEOS: _So I take it you will start looking for someone else to fawn over?

Shinji takes a couple of seconds to glance at Asuka.

_Shin-Man:_ I guess...

_CanonEOS: _You won't regret this Shinji, I promise you you won't.

_Shin-Man has signed out._

_ToJam:_ Dude I dont knoew about this

_CanonEOS: _If we were giving this advise to you about Hikari would you listen?

_ToJam: _Nope

_CanonEOS: _I know he loves her, but he needs to believe he doesn't

_ToJam:_ Why do you want him to think he doesn't

_CanonEOS: _Because if he drops her then maybe she will realize how good of a person Shinji is and stop being a bitch to him all of the time.

_ToJam: _I thought you didn't want them to get together?

_CanonEOS: _I don't, unless she starts treating him better

_ToJam:_ Maybe but I just dont think its our place to tell him who to love or not love

_CanonEOS: _I feel it is our job as his friends to let him know when he is fucking up. If that makes us assholes, then fine, we're assholes. But at least we tried to prevent him from making a huge mistake.

_ToJam:_ I guesse. Anyways I'm gonna catch up on some of my sleep. Later

_CanonEOS: _C-ya.

_ToJam has signed off._

_CanonEOS:_ What do you think Hikari?

_ClassRep:_ I think you and Toji only see the side of Asuka that she wants you to see.

_CanonEOS:_ Why would she want people to think she is a bitch?

_ClassRep: _She has had a really rough child hood, look there is a lot of things about Asuka that no one – not even Shinji – knows about. But all I'm going to say is that she acts the way she does to keep people away, and I'm sure you can vouch for it's effectiveness.

_CanonEOS:_ I don't care, every single one of us has been visited by the cops to tell us one of our parents are dead, it's no excuse to act like such a bitch.

_ClassRep:_ Asuka was four when _she_ found her moms body, two weeks after the funeral her dad sent her off to live at Nerv because his new wife didn't want to be bothered with a small child. And I swear to God if you tell anyone this, or tell anyone that I told you this, then I will give you clean up duty for the rest of the school year!

_CanonEOS:_ And I genuinely sympathize with her, but that's still no excuse for her behavior.

_ClassRep:_ No, no... your right... I-I just feel sorry for her. To be honest, I'm starting to get tired of her too.

_CanonEOS: _It's only natural that you would get tired of her, you are human after all.

_ClassRep:_ But I'm the only friend she has, all of the other girls hate her...

_CanonEOS: _All of them???

_ClassRep: _All of them, and Shinji is right, there is a side of her that is complete different from the one you know. She just doesn't show it nearly enough. Why did you invite me to this chat anyways?

_CanonEOS: _Because I'm setting all of this up to try and get Asuka to realize how good of a person Shinji is and then she can act before she loses him.

_ClassRep: _Why do you care if she loses him?

_CanonEOS: _Shinji really does love her, and I figured with all of the shit he's gone through that it's about time something good happens for him.

_ClassRep:_ Still, don't you hate her?

_CanonEOS: _With a passion...

_CanonEOS has signed out._

Hikari closed her laptop just in time for the final bell to ring. She quickly got up and headed towards Asuka's desk. She put her hand on the redheads shoulder.

"We need to talk Asuka."

"I'm not really in the mood to talk right now." Asuka spoke with sadness in her voice.

"It's important Asuka. It's about Shinji."

"W-What about him?" Asuka asked nervously. Hikari led her friend out of the class room and into and empty room down the hall. She sat Asuka at a small table and she sat to Asuka's right.

"He..." Hikari let's out a sigh. "He's got his mind set that he doesn't want to have feelings for you anymore. Your going to lose him Asuka..."

Asuka tried not to frown or let Hikari see the tears that were threatening to run down her cheeks.

"I don't care who that baka likes..."

"Yes you do Asuka. You know, it's insulting when you assume I'm not smart enough to figure things out." retorted Hikari.

"Hikari I-I didn't mean to insult you, I just, I just... I don't know what to do Hikari!" Asuka no longer bothered trying to keep the tears back in front of her friend.

"Well you can start by stop treating people like crap!" Hikari said a little harsher then what was her intent.

"What's the point if he already hates me?"

"Because if you start being nicer, then you won't have to worry about losing me."

"H-Hikari?" Asuka was shocked by what her friend was implying.

"I'm sorry Asuka, but I can't take a whole lot more of your attitude."

"B-But your the only friend I Have!" Said the tearful kruat.

"And I love you like a sister Asuka, but there is only so much I can take. Look how badly you treat everyone Asuka, including me."

"Y-you not wanting to be my friend is fine w-with me! I-I don't need a-anyone!" Shouted the crying redhead.

"Real mature Asuka, could you possible act more like a child then you already are?" Hikari said with anger in her voice.

"Please just leave me alone." Asuka said in between sobs.

"The only reason I'm telling you this is because I care about you. I don't want to grow to hate you like everyone else does. Look, I don't expect you to be someone your not, but I know this hard ass little bitch that you pretend to be isn't the real you either."

"You don't understand! I can't risk being hurt by him!" Shouted Asuka.

"Asuka, I'm not asking you to throw yourself at him, or to even tell him about your past. I'm just saying stop being such a bitch. Being yourself doesn't mean you have to open up to anyone."

"F-fine, I will work on b-being nicer, just don't expect any miracles."

"All I'm asking is that you try."

Hikari stood up and put her arms around Asuka, Asuka returned the gesture.

"Go home and talk to Shinji."

***

By the time Asuka made it home, Shinji had already barricaded himself in his room, which that being the norm wasn't surprising to her. What was surprising was the second pair of shoes at the door. Asuka contemplated what Hikari had told her and decided to just get it over with. She went up to Shinji's room and knocked on his door.

"What do you want Asuka." Shinji spoke in a monotone voice that startled Asuka.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Because he is not as dumb as you think he is devil bitch."

"Shut up Stooge, I was talking to Shinji!"

"Kiss my ass you uppity bitch!" Toji yelled.

"I am getting sick and tired of you calling me a bitch Toji!" Asuka yelled at the door. 'Why isn't Shinji defending me?' Was running through her mind. Little did Asuka know that Shinji was trying to defend her, but it was a little hard to talk with a hand over your mouth.

"Well were sick and tired of you being a bitch!" Toji shouted back in response.

"Why don't you come out here and say it to my face!" Shouted Asuka.

"Fine I will!" Yelled Toji. Toji let go of Shinji's mouth and threw the door open.

"I said we are tired of you being a bitch!" Yelled Toji.

"SLAP!" Toji's face became red with anger.

"Don't you dare do that again you German whore!" Yelled Toji.

Asuka reared back and slapped him again.

"Fine, you wanna act like a man, you're going to get treated like a man!"

There are many defining moments in a young persons life when you see a situation unfold and you are presented with two very clear options. Option One is to stand by and do nothing, Option Two is to attempt to prevent that moment from happening. Depending on the circumstances either option could be right or wrong. But regardless of which option you take, know that your actions will have a profound affect on the future.

For one Shinji Ikari, the moment is now. Unfortunately, there was two major points that prevented Option Two from happening. The first point is that Shinji didn't quite grasp the gravity of the situation until it was to late, and the second point is that Shinji was expecting Toji to restrain Asuka, and frankly, he felt it was justified. Asuka could have lessoned the severity of Shinji's decision to stand by and do nothing, but she didn't know that having your hands on your hips is a poor defensive move and leaves your face vulnerable to a pissed off jock's fist.

Option One was not a good choice for Shinji. The repercussions of doing nothing will be great. Physical and emotional abuse are par for the course and nothing Shinji isn't calloused against, but what he is unprepared for is when she lifts her head off the floor and looks up to him and says his name while a tear rolls down her cheek.

"S-Shinji?"

Asuka looked up at Shinji with pleading eyes as he stood over her. She had expected him to save her, to be her knight in shinning armor. She wanted to know that he still cared for her, even if she didn't deserve it. He was the only guy that had cared for her and yet he just stood there. He wasn't seeing if she was ok, he wasn't trying to comfort her or get her an ice pack before her cheek bruised and her eye blackened. He just stood there, like a scared little boy.

Seeing Asuka like this made Toji's stomach twist and turn. He had never imagined himself hitting a girl, it was something his father had told him a man should never do. His fathers words echoed in his head. 'Any man can hit a girl, but it takes a real man to just walk away.' Toji knew he was better than this, he wasn't some worthless asshole that comes home from work and gets liquored up and starts beating on his wife.

"God Asuka, I'm so sorry!" Toji said as he lowered his head.

Instantly anger filled her face as she shouted.

"You'll be sorry when Hikari finds out about this! And you, _Third Child_, You're just going to stand there?"

"S-sorry Asuka, I-I-I'll go get you an ice pack"

"Don't bother, you obviously don't care enough to take the initiative!" Shouted the tearful kruat.

Asuka shakily picked herself up off the floor and headed to the kitchen to search for an ice pack before storming into her room.

"I'm sorry about this Shinji, I really messed up back there."

"Toji?"

"Yea?"

"D-don't ever lay a hand on her again"

Toji nods and pulls out his cell phone. He quickly dials a number and puts the phone to his ear.

"Hello Hikari? Its me Toji, theres something I need to tell you."

Shinji walk up to Asuka's door to give Toji some privacy. He knocks softly but gets no response. He knocks one more time. "Is it ok if I come in?"

"Go away, _Third Child_."

Somehow, Shinji didn't think she actually meant it. He slowly slid open the door to see the left side of her face covered with an ice pack, while the right side had tears trickling down. He walked up to her and cupped her right cheek and wiped the tears off of her cheek with his thumb. Asuka backed away from his hand.

"I didn't say you could touch me." Said the petite German

"I-I'm sorry Asuka, I shouldn't have just stood there." Shinji looked away from her eyes "I'll never forgive myself for letting you get hurt." He wasn't sure were that came from, but he was positive that he meant it.

Shinji gently removed the ice pack from her face and examined it. Her eye was already starting to swell shut and her cheek was going to have a nasty bruise.

"Leave me alone! I don't need you, I can take care of myself!" Asuka yelled as she ripped the ice bag out of Shinji's hands.

"But I want to help you Asuka!" Said Shinji.

'You blew your chance to help me.' Asuka thought bitterly to herself.

"If you really cared about me you would have stopped him, or at the very least you would have hit him back." Asuka's good eye was glaring at him.

"I do care Asuka, but he's my best friend."

"Bullshit! If you did, you wouldn't value his friendship over mine!" Shouted Asuka.

"Like your one to talk about friendship, I cant even tell you how many times you have hit me Asuka! And in case you have forgotten I'm not the one that hit you!" Shouted Shinji.

"No your not, you just stood there and let it happen!" yelled Asuka.

Their argument is interrupted by the door bell. Shinji walked through the house and answered the door.

"H-Hello Hikari." Shinji stuttered at the look she was giving him.

"I want to see you and Suzuhara in the kitchen NOW!" Shouted the small brunette.

"O-ok Hikari."

Shinji leads her into the kitchen where he sees Toji is already standing at the table with his head down.

"Where is Asuka?"

"She's in her room." Toji says just barely above a whisper.

"Asuka dear, can you come out here for a minute?" Hikari asked

Asuka comes walking through her doorway with the ice pack on her face. Hikari walks up to her and gently holds Asuka's wrist so she can remove the ice pack. She gasps at what she she sees. Then she turns around and walks up to Toji.

"Look at me Suzuhara!" Toji slowly moves his head up to look Hikari in the eyes before his head is violently flung to the left from her slap.

"You too Ikari!" Shinji looks up and closed his eyes expecting the same punishment Toji just got.

"Asuka?" Shinji opens his eyes to see that Asuka's hand was around Hikari's wrist. Asuka ignores Hikari as she looked Shinji dead in the eyes.

"Apparently, I care for you more then you care for me." Asuka then hugs Hikari and heads back to her room with her ice pack.

"You don't deserve her friendship." Hikari says while looking at Shinji with disgust before turning to Toji. "I would have never expected this from either of you, you both disappoint me!"

"I wish I could take it back, but I cant. I just hope that one day you will be able to look at me and not be disgusted." Toji said to the shock of both Hikari and Shinji.

"No promises." Hikari words still filled with anger.

"I promise to make it up to you to Hikari." Shinji said quietly

"You should be saying that to Asuka, not me." Shinji just nodded his head as he walked Hikari and Toji to the front door.

After seeing his friends out, Shinji walked back into the kitchen when he stopped abruptly. 'The flowers I got her were sitting on her dresser.' Shinji was dumbfounded by this revelation.

"I am so confused right now." Shinji spoke as he walked to the living room and plopped down on the right side of the couch.

Shinji spent the next thirty minutes going over the days events in his head. He wondered how he would ever make this up to Asuka, or even if she would allow him to make this up to her. Shinji's thoughts were once again interrupted, this time by the voice of his newly arrived guardian.

"You have thirty seconds to explain the call I got from Asuka's friend Hikari." Misato's tone made Shinji cringe.

"I don't even really know where to start."

"Try from the beginning." Said Misato in a stern voice.

"Listen, I don't know if I fully comprehend what exactly has happened today. All I can say is that me and Asuka were fighting at school, which turned into Toji and Asuka fighting here. She slapped him twice so he punched her once." Shinji said with his eyes closed and his arms folded on his chest.

"I am getting so sick and tired of you two constantly fighting!" Shouted Misato.

"You think yelling at me is going to make things better?!" Shouted Shinji in his defense.

"No Shinji, I don't." Misato let out a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you, but I just get so frustrated when I get called home from work."

"I'm sorry Misato, but you and I both know who is the one that always starts the fights."

Misato just nodded her head and sat next to Shinji on the couch. She grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels. A few minutes pass when they hear the only other human occupant slowly walk out of her room. She walked into the living room and gently sat herself in between Misato and Shinji.

"I am only going to say this once, so you should probably turn off the T.V. and listen to what I have to say." Misato lifted the remote and turned off the television.

"I understand that I have not been a pleasant person to be around the last three and half years. I have been acting a certain way for certain reasons, and I don't expect for you to understand why I have been doing so. I will attempt to be nicer to you Shinji, and I will work on being more civil to the _kids_ at school. However, there will be times when your stupidity out weighs my patience, when that happens, I will have no choice but to tear you a new one. I'm not going to apologize for my previous actions, like I said, they had a purpose, but I will apologize for all the trouble my actions have caused you."

Asuka paused to give them a second to comprehend what she was saying.

"And Shinji, I just want to say that I am sorry for treating you that way this morning. You cared enough to go out and buy me flowers and get a bath ready for me, only for my to throw a hissy fit. I shouldn't have acted that way and I'm sorry. I'm not used to receiving gifts from guys and they not try to get into my pants. I should have trusted that your intentions were pure. For that I really am sorry." Asuka then stood up and faced them. "Now if you will excuse me, my face hurts and I have date with an ice pack." Asuka then stepped into the kitchen and grabbed a fresh ice pack before heading to her room.

"Well I'll be damned." Said Misato.

"I felt bad before, but now I just feel horrible." Shinji said as he closed his eyes and laid his head back.

"Did she really come out here and apologize?"

"Son of a bitch." Misato just looked at Shinji. "Now how am I supposed to stop having feelings for her?"

Misato chuckled. "Don't worry Shinji, I'm sure she will be snapping at you before too long."

"Yeah, probably."

"And if not, then there is no need for you to stop having feelings for her." Misato said while sipping her beer.

"Oh yeah, I didn't even think about that." Shinji said while scratching his head.

"It's no wonder why she calls you a stooge."

***

By nightfall Asuka's eye had swelled shut and her left check was a combination of yellow, red, blue and purple. She claimed that as long as nobody touched it that it didn't hurt. What hurt more was the thought that its her fault he didn't comfort her, after all she was constantly hitting him for accidental contact and then she would call him a pervert. She had been spending the last hour tossing and turning before finally finding a comfortable position to sleep in...

_Meanwhile across the hallway....._

Shinji felt like shit, no wait, better yet he felt like dog shit, dog shit that had been put on someones porch before being lit on fire. And then stomped on. Repeatedly. So what does one do when they feel like burnt, stomped on dog shit? Why you wallow in self pity of coarse! Nothing helps Shinji get a good night sleep like staring up at the ceiling wondering why he is such a worthless, burnt, stomped on bag of dog shit. Its kinda like how some middle aged divorced men cry while they jack off feverishly to the thought of their ex-wives getting pounded by their new boyfriends. Its self depravity at its finest. (and who doesn't get a chuckle when its someone else's depravity being announced to the world) it's mentally harmful to do said action, but its not like your going around the office telling your friends and coworkers about it. Let's face it, thats shit you keep to yourself. And people don't help you unless you make it clear there is a need for their help.

Now clinically depressed people (and we all know our boy Shinji is a psychiatrists wet dream, and maybe also a potential poster child for Prozac) think they can deal with it on there own. In order to deal with their emotions, some people drink or take up a hobby. Some even go as far as to stand in front of a mirror -wearing a womans wig- while applying lipstick, crying and trying to sing 'Big Girls Don't Cry' between sobs. However, Shinji doesn't do this, (we hope?) he believes that his troubles could all be solved if he could stop having romantic feelings towards the redhead. Unfortunately for Shinji, that was going to happen anytime soon. Asuka quietly opened Shinji's door and tiptoed up to his bed.

"Shinji?" Whispered Asuka.

"Asuka?" Replied a confused Shinji.

"Shinji, I was wondering if you would like to sleep with me tonight?" Asked a nervous Asuka.

"What?!" Exclaimed Shinji.

"Not like that you pervert! I don't want to have sex with you, I just want you to hold me tonight." Asuka had one arm parallel to her body, while the other one was draped across her stomach with her hand around her other arm.

"Why?"

"I just... I can't stand how alone I feel right now." Shinji could definitely understand where she was coming from.

"What if Misato catches us?"

"Were seventeen, and it's not like we're going to have sex."

"Alright, but no hitting or calling me a pervert." Shinji demanded.

"I promise."

Both teens walked out of Shinji's room and into Asuka's. Asuka climbed in bed first and faced the wall. Shinji climbed in after her and laid on his back. His heart was pounding in his head; He couldn't believe that it was really happening. What happened next shocked Shinji as Asuka grabbed his hand, and pulled him towards her. Shinji rolled on his side, but still kept his distance.

"I want you to cuddle with me Shinji." Asuka gave his hand another tug.

"I-I have a problem Asuka." Stammered Shinji.

"What could possibly be wrong?"

"Please don't hate me, I-I can't control it." Shinji was embarrassed that 'little Shinji' had decided to make an appearance.

"What is it Shinji?" Asked a concerned Asuka.

"I-I have an..." Shinji cleared his throat. "I-I have an erection." Shinji waited for her to either start laughing or start cursing. What he didn't expect was for her to scoot against him. His boxer clad member occupying the small triangle between her legs and her womanhood. She then grabbed his arm and draped it over her stomach. Every movement she made sent electricity through Shinji's body. His thoughts kept switching from the feel of her firm silky smooth stomach, to the feeling of the heat of her womanhood against his throbbing member. Needless to say Shinji was fucking petrified right now.

'This is going to be a long night.' Shinji thought to himself.

After becoming adjusted to being this close to the woman of his desires, Shinji actually found comfort in being so close to her. It was no longer about the fact that her flower and his unit were only separated by two thin pieces of material, or the fact that his hand had 'accidentally' moved from her stomach to her breast. What had his attention now was how cute she was when she slept, how calming it was to feel her breathing, how her hair tickled his chin, or that it gave him goosebumps when he would put his face next to the nape of her neck, and breathe in her scent. This was something Shinji could get used to, spending multiple night holding the one he loves.

"I love you Asuka." Shinji whispered into her ear.

"I know you do."

"Y-Your awake!" Said a startled Shinji.

"You try to fall asleep when someone keeps fondling your breasts." Retorted Asuka.

"Sorry." Shinji said meekly.

"Roll onto your back." Asuka demanded.

Shinji took his hand off her breast and rolled onto his back. Asuka rolled over and scooted up to him, she laid her head on his chest and put her leg over his.

"Now let's get some sleep." Stated Asuka.

Shinji didn't mind this position either, especially now that his hand had 'accidentally' moved down to her ass.

"Your lucky I lov... Um... l-like you, otherwise you would be a dead man." Asuka mentally slapped herself for almost slipping.

"Sweet dreams Asuka."

Asuka slowly lifted herself off of Shinji. She leaned up and gave him a light kiss on his cheek before resuming her previous position.

"Sweet dreams Shinji."


	3. What Is And What Should Never Be

A/N: I have basically tripled the length of this chapter. I have filled in a lot of details between scenes and changed some small parts of the story. In the last chapter, I had Shinji and Asuka get closer then I originally had them, the purpose was to make the pain Asuka goes through because of Shinji ignoring her more credible. Which in turn, causes her to be more open with her feelings for Shinji. I've had this chapter done for probably about 2 months now, and yet I'm still not happy with it. But at work I'm told that I am entirely way to hard on myself when it comes to critiquing my designs, so maybe I am with my writing too... But I doubt it. Enjoy.

-Beck

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, If I did, I would be flogging an 'arrest-me-red' Ferrari F430 Scuderia on some back country road instead of writing this fucking disclaimer.

'thoughts'

"speech, sounds"

"Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Chapter 3 – What Is And What Should Never Be

Asuka awoke as her senses were assaulted by the smells emanating from the the kitchen. She slowly sat up and rubbed her good eye as she arched her back and stretched her left arm. Her taught, round breasts stretched the material to its limits; her hard nipples received stimulation by the tight material trying desperately to contain her impressive endowments. She cupped both of her breasts and gave a soft squeeze as she bit her lower lip to restrain a moan. She released her left breast and ran her hand down her flat, tight stomach. Her hand slipped into her panties - red bikini of coarse - and encased her

honey dripping mound as she suppressed another moan. Her middle finger dipped into her glistening slit, her body shuttered at the attention her most intimate place was receiving. The tip of her finger brushed against her clit as she let out a soft moan.

"Oh Shinji!" Moaned Asuka.

"Yes Asuka?" Asked Shinji.

Her eye opened to the size of a midgets fist and her jaw dropped like the ass of stripper working her way through college. She quickly removed her hands as Shinji crossed the threshold of her room carrying a tray of food. Asuka adjusted herself as Shinji lowered the tray onto her lap. The heat from the tray wasn't doing her any favors.

"W-Whats this for?" Asuka asked, trying to get a grip on herself.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you Asuka." Shinji said while desperately trying not to stare at the scantly clad goddess.

Asuka noticed him checking her out, but she remembered that she had promised not to call him a pervert. She then noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes.

"You look like hell!"

"I-I didn't sleep much last night." Apparently in Shinji's mind, much is another word for none.

"Didn't like sleeping next to me?" Asuka teased.

"Asuka, sleeping next to you was amazing! It's the first time in a long time that I haven't felt all alone." Asuka gave Shinji a small smile. "I just felt so bad for what Toji did to you." Shinji lowered his head.

"Well of coarse it was amazing!" Smirked Asuka as she put her hands on her hips. "Look, it really wasn't your fault Shinji, I just... well," Asuka started fiddling with her breakfast, not really wanting to continue. "I was just expecting you to stick up for me." Asuka said with a small frown

"Awe, did little Asuka want Shinji to be her protector." Misato teased from the doorway.

"Piss off Misato, it's to early to put up with your crap." Asuka mentally slapped herself. "Wait, how long have you been eavesdropping?" Said the black eyed German

"Long enough to know that your going to get an exam from Ritsuko."

"N-Nothing happened Misato!" Stammered Shinji.

"You seriously think that we would have sex without being boyfriend and girlf... Um, I mean with this loser?!" Asked Asuka.

"Ok, ok, I believe you. But you two are not allowed to share the same bed until you are both eighteen. Is that understood?" Scolded Misato while waiving her finger.

"Yes Misato." They both said dejectedly.

"But what if it we slept next to each other out in the living room?" Asuka asked.

"Are you sure you would want to sleep next to a loser like me?" Asked Shinji sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, ok?" Asuka whispered to Shinji.

Misato pinched her nose. "I swear you two are going to be the death of me. I'll think about it, but no promises."

"Fair enough." Stated Asuka

"Now get out of bed! You have fifty-five minutes until school starts, so hurry up!" Misato voiced loudly.

"I'm not going to school looking like this!" Yelled Asuka.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!" Asuka yelled back.

"You don't have a choice Asuka, now get your ass out of bed!" Now it was Misato's turn to yell.

"Why the hell are you up so early?" Asked Asuka

"I figured you would try to stay home, so I set my alarm clock early." Smirked Misato.

"You're such a bitch." Asuka stated while covering her face with her blanket.

Misato just smiled as she left Asuka's room, heading for the fridge.

"So how bad is it Shinji?" Asuka Asked

"Um, well, uh i-its not _too_ bad, I guess. Do you have a big pair of sunglasses?" Shinji asked.

"It's going to be one of those days, isn't it? Sighed Asuka.

Shinji just nodded his head before heading out to finish getting himself ready for school. Asuka quickly ate her breakfast, slid her feet off the bed and let out a small eep when her feet touched the cold floor. The first thing Asuka did was head to the shower to finish her little fantasy. She quickly climaxed and proceeded to cleanse her body of any and all of her juices. Asuka made quick work of lathering her body with the tropical melon scented body wash, but as she was bent over washing her calves, her vision started to go black. She quickly grabbed the shower curtain and sat herself down on the edge of the tub. Asuka sat like this for a couple of minutes before she felt good enough to stand on her own.

"That was strange." Asuka said to herself as she rinsed the body wash off.

***

Shinji entering the classroom commanded very little attention from his classmates. Asuka wasn't so lucky as everyone stared at Asuka's bruised cheek and black eye. She tried to pay no attention to the snickers, but some of them came from people that she thought had been friends. The consensus of the classroom was that they were surprised it had taken this long for someone to put her in her place. Anyone who actually knew what happened had elevated Toji to an almost God like stature, while the others just assumed Shinji had finally had enough of her shit. Which of coarse by lunchtime had evolved into Shinji smoked crack and tried to have sex with Asuka, only for her to refuse him because she was on her period, which in turn, caused him to beat her. Shinji wasn't particularity fond of that one, but there was nothing he could do about it. He just wished people would stop coming up to him and offering to be his new supplier. He would refuse their offer to sell him smack and then tell them that if he wanted smack, he would just insult Asuka, and she would give it to him for free. 'Why the hell would someone pay to get smacked?' thought Shinji.

For some reason or another, seeing Asuka wounded had caused some sort of uprising among the masses. A couple times during the day she had her books knocked out of her hands, and by third period, she had lost count how many time she heard the word "bitch" while walking by a crowd of people. Asuka was finding out that she wasn't as popular as she thought she was.

"Next time you should just have sex with him!" Shouted a nobody to the amusement of everybody in earshot.

Asuka ignored him as she closed her locker and headed towards the exit. 'Like he would want to have sex with me.' Asuka thought to herself before realizing what she had thought.

"What's wrong with me?" Asuka asked herself self quietly.

"What's wrong Asuka?" Apparently she hadn't spoken quiet enough, but at least Shinji was here to keep her company.

"Nothing, so how was your _random_ drug test?" Asuka giggled knowing full well it was because of the rumors.

"Unpleasant to say the least." After the drug test, the newest rumor was that when Shinji dropped his pants, the nurse gasped at the sight of his unit, then she applauded him when he did the helicopter. Of coarse this brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Pilot Ikari'.

"But nowhere near as bad as the body cavity search." Shinji was still walking bowlegged with a 'squishy' sound emanating from his ass with every step he made.

"Awe, has my poor little baka been violated?" She smirked.

Shinji shuttered at Asuka's comments.

"I don't think I will be able to sit for a week." Shinji said while he rubbed his ass.

"Well then its a good thing your going to be waiting on me hand and foot for the next week!" Announced the redhead.

Shinji smiled at that comment, its not that he liked being a servant, he just now has a reason to be around Asuka.

"Anything for you Asuka." Now it was Asuka's turn to smile.

"So then you will punch Toji back for me?" Asuka asked as she put her arms around his arm and snuggled up to his shoulder.

"I-I already told you that I wont do that Asuka." Shinji said while trying not to blush.

"But I thought you said you loved me?" Asuka batted her eyelashes.

"I-I d-do, but I'm not going to hit my best friend." Said a slightly annoyed Shinji.

"But its ok for your best friend to hit me?" Asked a slightly irritated Asuka.

"Hell no it isn't, and I told him to never lay a hand on you again, but he has been punished enough." Asuka released Shinji and put her hands on her hips.

"What happens when some other guy hits me? Are you just going to stand there like a scared child again?" Shinji slowly backed away from Asuka.

"If you would stop treating people badly you wouldn't have to worry about getting hit."

"Oh, so you think its my fault Toji hit me? I only slapped him because he kept calling me names!" Yelled Asuka.

"It is at least a little bit, the only person you treat worse then Toji is me!" Shinji talked with a frown on his face.

"And we all know that your not above man handling a woman!" Shinji cringed at the low blow.

"And I'm sorry for that, but obviously you haven't learned your lesson about being mean to people!" Yelled Shinji"

"I can treat people any way I want!" Small children and animals sought shelter at the sight of the pissed off girl.

"Then don't come crying to me the next time you get hit!" Shinji's fists were turning white from being squeezed so tight.

"Your such an asshole, Third Child!" Yelled Asuka.

"I would have to be to put up with a bitch like you, Second Child!" Shouted Shinji.

That statement earned Shinji a slap to the face. Shinji closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before responding.

"How is you hitting me any different then Toji hitting you?" Shinji spoke behind gritted teeth.

"Because I am a fucking girl! Girls are allowed to hit men!" Shouted Asuka.

"You know Asuka, I may not have a lot of friends, but I don't need a friend like you" Shinji said calmly.

"Fuck you too Shinji! I don't need you either!" Asuka screamed.

Shinji continued home while the furious German watched his silhouette walk towards the horizon.

"I don't need you Shinji." She said softly to herself.

***

Once she had calmed down enough to think clearly, she was open to the possibility that _maybe_ she had gone a little too far. She even almost felt bad for slapping him, _almost_. Asuka figured she would shake her hips, do a little flirting and all would be forgotten. Asuka took a deep breath and walked into his room. Shinji glared at her as she sat down on the bed next to him. She put her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Shi..." was as far as she got before Shinji pushed her off of him and onto the floor. Asuka looked at him in Shock. "Shinji! I was trying to apologize!" Shinji stood up and looked at her.

"I was serious Asuka, I'm done with you." Shinji said in a cold voice, his cheek was still red from where she had slapped him.

"Why the hell are being like this Shinji?!" Asuka was confused why he was rejecting her.

"You have proven to me that your words don't mean anything. You say what people want to hear, and then you act however you want to."

"Shinji, I admit I may have over reacted, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to change. I warned you that there would be times that your stupidity would outweigh my patience, and the fact that you pushed me onto your floor and I haven't called you a name, hit or thrown anything at you should prove to you that I'm trying to change." Asuka said as she stared at him from the floor.

"It's too little, too late Asuka, I have nothing left to give."

"Why are you being like this?" Asuka looked at him with confusion on her face

"I would appreciate it if you left my room."

Asuka was about to protest when Shinji grabbed her upper arm and forcibly helped her up, he then dragged her across his room and out of the door. Asuka slowly made it to her room, she picked her cellphone off of her desk and sat on her bed with her back against the wall. She found Hikari's number in her phone book and pressed send.

"_Hello?"_

"I need your help Hikari."

"_What's wrong Asuka?"_

"Me and Shinji had an argument and I lost my temper and smacked him." Asuka bit her lower lip in anticipation of Hikari's reaction.

"_Damn it Asuka, You just couldn't be good for one damn day, could you?"_

"What the hell?! I lost my temper, it's bound to happen Hikari." Asuka waved her free hand in the air.

"_I'm sorry Asuka, I've just been in a horrible mood the past couple days. So how mad is Shinji?"_

"I went to his room, sat on his bed and hugged him, while apologizing to him, and he pushed me off of him and onto the floor. He then told me he was serious when he said he was done with me and that he has nothing more to give."

"_What else happened?"_

"He grabbed me by the arm, stood me up and dragged me out of his room."

"_He was rough with you?"_

"Yea, I'm sure I'm going to have a bruise on my arm tomorrow. The weirdest part is that he didn't sound mad when he was talking to me, he just sounded... like he was disappointed."

"_Ikari isn't the type of person to be rough with a girl, and so far, he has been rough with you twice over the last two days. I think you finally pushed him too far."_

"What should I do Hikari?"

"_I'm not sure if there is anything you can do Asuka." _

Asuka used her free arm to hug her stomach. "I'm not just going to let him give up on me."

"_The only chance you have is to show him that you've changed. Actions speak louder then words Asuka."_

"And what if it's too late and no matter what I do he still hates me?"

"_Well, then you spend the rest of you life knowing that you were the one that messed it up."_

"I hope it's not too late."

"_For your sake, so do I. It's dinner time, so I will talk to you later."_

"Goodbye Hikari."

"_Goodbye Asuka."_

Asuka ended the call and put her cell phone on the night stand. She then curled up under her blankets and stared at the wall; she eventually fell asleep. Shinji finally had enough of his room and went into the kitchen to make dinner. He decided to do a traditional Japanese diner that consisted of fish and rice (surprise, surprise) with an egg based soup. He set a plate for him and Misato, but left Asuka to get her own plate. Shinji walked to Misato's room and knocked.

"Dinners ready."

Misato groggily rolled over and in a hoarse voice told Shinji that she either wanted him to go fuck himself, or that she would be there shortly. Probably the latter Shinji thought as he went back to the kitchen. Misato clumsily got out of bed and stepped into the kitchen. She sat in front of her plate and opened the beer Shinji had readied for her. She took a couple lady like gulps and then delicately and gracefully wiped her mouth onto her sleeve. She burped before speaking.

"Where is Asuka?"

"I'm not positive, but I think she is in her room."

"Please don't tell me you're fighting again?" Misato banged her head against the table.

"Past tense, we fought and I told her I was done with her." Shinji picked at his food as he responded.

"I'm going to assume that's why your cheek is red?" Shinji just nodded his head yes.

"Do you want me to make her apologize?" Misato asked before taking another gulp.

"She already tried. I told her I didn't care and her words mean nothing to me." Misato faltered.

"How did she take that?" Misato's left eye gave a small twitch.

"I dragged her ass... I mean.. uh, I kindly -yet forcibly- removed her from my room and I haven't heard a peep from her since."

Misato just stared at him for a few moments before speaking "Wait, you act like an ass, and she _doesn't_ tear you a new one? That scares me."

"Why does that scare you?" Asked Shinji as he gave her a strange look.

"There's things about her that you don't know, just wait here, I'll go check on her."

Misato got up from her chair and walked to Asuka's door, opened it and then walked in. She saw the redhead laying on her bed. She cautiously walked up to her and checked her pulse. This caused Asuka to wake up.

"Misato what are you doing?" Asked the sleepy German.

"I was just checking to see if you were ok." Misato caressed Asuka's cheek as she spoke.

"I take it he told you." Asuka said bluntly while rubbing her eyes.

Misato nodded her head. "Are you ok Asuka?"

Asuka rolled onto her back and propped herself up on her elbows. "I didn't try anything stupid, if that's what your asking." Asuka glared at Misato with sleepy eyes.

"Oh thank God, You know I worry about you." Misato sat down next to Asuka and started running her fingers through her hair.

"Just because I'm not taking the pills Ritsuko prescribed, doesn't mean I'm going to do things to hurt myself Misato." Asuka said irritably.

"I can't help it Asuka, I don't know what I would do if I were to lose either of you." Asuka's resolve softened a little at Misato's words.

"I care about you too Misato, but I don't accuse you of trying to drown yourself in alcohol, do I?"

Misato sighed and gave a weak smile. "Your right, I'm sorry, but you know how paranoid I can be sometimes when it comes to you kids."

"I know, I know." Sighed Asuka while she looked away from her.

Misato grabbed Asuka's hand. Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing really to talk about. I messed up and he won't give me a second chance." Asuka wanted to back away from her touch, but the warmth felt good.

"Do you think you deserve a second chance?"

Asuka took a couple of moments to answer. "In my opinion yes, I think he is just afraid of getting close to someone that has a tendency to hurt him. I'm the same way, so I can't really be mad at him for that, but by God, if my name was Gendo Ikari he would be begging for me to let him forgive me."

"Yea I don't understand why he tries so hard to get along with his father."

"I don't get it either, but then again, I have no need to be close to my father." Asuka said.

"Anyways, dinners ready if your hungry." Misato got off her bed and walked out of the room.

Asuka nodded her head and stood up, she fixed her hair in her mirror before following her guardian to the kitchen. She sat at her seat only to see Shinji hadn't readied a plate for her. She stood up and made her own plate without making any derogatory comments. She was disappointed with what Shinji had made, but she figured that was his way of letting her know he was still angry with her. Asuka tried to lighten the mood by occasionally making comments about how good dinner was, only to have Misato give her the look that told her she was trying too hard.

"So Shinji, are you ready for that test tomorrow?" Asuka cringed at how desperate she sounded.

Shinji didn't even bother to look at her as he stood up and placed his plate on the counter. He turned to Misato. "It's Asuka's turn to do the dishes." Was all he said before heading to the balcony to get some fresh air.

"He is such an ass!" Said Asuka as she placed her arms on the table and her head on her arms.

"He will get over it eventually Asuka." Misato took a swig of her beer.

"I don't think he will Misato." Asuka said dejectedly.

"Time heals all wounds Asuka." Spoke Misato before she took a sip of her beer.

"So your saying it doesn't hurt to see Kaji flirt with someone else?" Misato's eye twitched.

"Hurts like hell Asuka, but we have a lot of unresolved issues."

"And an unresolved issue isn't being told your loved one minute, and then tossed aside the next?" Asuka took Misato's beer away from her and took a swig.

Misato glared at the redhead before snatching her beer back, "Fine, it's bullshit, Time doesn't heal anything, it just makes the pain a little easier to deal with."

"Well that ass can do whatever he wants to do. I have dishes to do." Asuka stood up and took her and Misato's plates to the sink.

"You know Asuka, maybe you should take those pills that Ritsuko prescribed." Misato dodged the dish towel Asuka had chucked at her.

Asuka let out a sigh and lowered her head. "No promises, but I will think about it."

"That's all I ask." Misato took a sip of her beer. "Go out to the balcony and talk to Shinji, but be sincere."

Asuka adverted her attention to the balcony, Shinji was sitting in one of the lounge chairs staring at the setting sun. Asuka slowly made her way to the balcony. Shinji glared at her as she sat next to him. His cold demeanor made Asuka shiver. She gently placed her hand on his arm. "I just want you to hear me out and then I will leave you alone."

Shinji let out a sigh. "I'll say this slow enough, so even _you_ will be able to understand what I'm saying." Asuka removed her hand, anger was quickly building up inside her. "I'm done with you Asuka. There is nothing you can say or do that's going to change my mind. Did you understand that, or do I need to draw you a picture?"

Asuka stood up and crossed her arms. "Why are you being such a dick?"

"Why don't you be a good little girl and take your ass back into the house and do the dishes?" Smirked Shinji.

"Does the little pussy like acting like a big strong man?" Asuka said in a condescending baby voice with her hands on her hips.

"You really are a stupid bitch Asuka." Shinji was squeezing his fists.

"Whats a pussy like you going to do about it? Hmm? You going to run crying to Misato that the mean little girl hurt your feelings?" Asuka pushed Shinji as hard as she could. "What the fuck are you going to do about it, pussy?!" Shinji stumbled a step or two backwards, Asuka was a little surprised she couldn't push him more then that.

"Don't you ever fucking touch me again, you little w-whore!" Misato did a spit take when Shinji said that.

Asuka was far beyond control at this point. Asuka stepped up to Shinji and punched him right in his cocksucker. "Now who's the stupid bitch!" Asuka yelled.

Shinji stumbled back and touched his mouth, his eye twitched when he saw the blood on his hand. Shinji smacked her back. Well, that was intent, he noticed that just a slap wouldn't have resulted with Asuka on the ground - in tears - holding her mouth. Shinji didn't remember thinking about kicking her, but Asuka's cry of pain told him he had done it. Twice.

Asuka was on her hands and knees with tears streaming down her cheeks; she clutched her stomach as blood still trickled out of her mouth. Asuka rolled to her side and curled up into the fetal position. By the time Misato had made it outside, Asuka had already regurgitated dinner.

"Shinji, go to your room! I'll be in to yell at you shortly!" Demanded Misato as she pointed inside. She knelt down next to Asuka and put her hand on the German's side. "That's not what I meant when I said be sincere."

Apparently Asuka had lost her sense of humor.

Misato gave Asuka a few minutes to calm down before she helped her up. Asuka whimpered as she tried to stand straight. "Just stay bent over, you need to take a hot bath to help loosen your muscles up or they will continue to cramp." Misato wiped a trail of blood that had gone down Asuka's cheek.

"T-that asshole k-kicked me." Asuka said shakily. Misato just nodded her head as she led Asuka to the bathtub.

"Asuka?"

"Asuka?"

"Asuka?!"

"What?" Asuka said groggily as she turned over in bed.

"You really are a heavy sleeper, I had to yell your name three times to wake you up."

"Why did you wake me up?" Asuka asked in her grumpy voice.

"Oh yea, dinners ready." Misato said with a goofy grin on her face.

Asuka thought about the dream she had and decided not to tempt fate. "I'm not hungry, if you don't mind I would like to go back to sleep now." Asuka rolled over and covered herself in her blanket.

"Suit yourself." Misato turned around and walked out of her room.

***

Shinji awoke the next morning to the sound of his blaring alarm clock. He quickly silenced the infernal contraption and stepped out of bed. The cold wooden floor sent a shiver up his spine. He hazily walked into the bathroom and took his morning shower. After the hot water had awoken his senses, he decided that he was going to make today be a good day. With that thought in mind, he resisted the urge to add some more of his special man sauce to Asuka's shampoo bottle. Although, he did use her scrunchy to clean his junk, which elicited a small giggle from Shinji. Once dressed, he entered the kitchen and started to make breakfast. He wasn't completely sure what he was going to make, he just knew it was going to be something Asuka hated. Normally he would wake Asuka up when he was done making breakfast, but Shinji had already decided that today wasn't going to be a normal day. So he ate breakfast in piece, he made his lunch in piece, he cleaned his mess in peace and he walked to school in peace.

Asuka wasn't having a normal day either, at least that is the thought that went through her head when she woke up, looked at her cellphone and seen it was nine thirty in the morning. She slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom to start her bath. She always felt that late is late, regardless if it's ten minutes or three hours. After bathing and getting dressed, she went to the fridge to see what Shinji had made for breakfast.

"Plain white rice? What an asshole!" Shouted Asuka. And then she noticed there was no lunch for her. "Shinji you son of a bitch!" Shouted the angry German as she threw together a quick lunch. Afterwards, she made a quick call to Misato to ask for her to write her a note, and to see if she could get a ride from section two. Misato said yes to both requests, section two would pick her up in five minutes. Asuka grabbed her lunch, put her shoes on and went downstairs to wait for her ride, cursing Shinji the entire way.

The black Suburban pulled up to the curb and a man in black Special Ops attire got out of the vehicle and opened the rear passenger door for her. She said her thanks and entered the vehicle. Once inside, she engaged in small talk with the two escorts until she arrived at school a few minutes later. She was escorted into the building and directly to the principles office. The head section two agent explained to the principle that Asuka was busy with official Nerv business and that Major Katsuragi thanks them for their understanding. Asuka said her thanks to the escorts and made her way to class with a note the principle had given her. The teacher frowned upon her arrival, but any protest he might have had was silenced when he read the note. Asuka purposely adverted her gaze from the smirking asshole and sat in her seat. Asuka didn't even have her laptop fully opened before she was assaulted by her first message.

_CanonEOS:_ What the hell is going on between you and Shinji?

_Pilot02: _He's your friend, he should be the one to tell you

_CanonEOS: _He did tell me, I was just willing to hear your side of the story before I jumped to the conclusion that your a devil bitch

_Pilot02: _You have never considered my side of the story before, why now?

_CanonEOS:_ Maybe I understand you a little better then I did before

_Pilot02: _We got into a fight, I messed up and slapped him

_CanonEOS: _Who started the fight?

_Pilot02: _I did, I felt he should defend my honor and hit Toji back for me

_CanonEOS: _I guess you really were a bitch like he said

_Pilot02:_ He called me a bitch??

_CanonEOS:_ You really don't want to know what all he has called you

Asuka stared at the screen.

_Pilot02: _I... Why are you telling me all of this?

_CanonEOS: _Because we had a bet going. Shinji bet that he could call you a bitch, have me tell you that he said it, and you wouldn't yell at me. So now I owe him one thousand yen

_Pilot02:_ Just leave me alone

_Pilot02 has signed out._

_CanonEOS: _I know she is pure evil, but I can't help but to feel bad right now

_Shin-Man:_ You only feel bad because you lost the bet

_ToJam:_ Kensuke is right, she may deserve to get treatedly like that but dont that make us as bad as her???

_Shin-Man:_ I don't know, if you guys don't want to get involved then I'll just stick to ignoring her

_CanonEOS: _Dude are you sure you still want to keep that up too? What if she gives up on you for good?

_Shin-Man:_ I don't care

_CanonEOS: _You have always been a shitty liar

_Shin-Man:_ I'm dead serious, It would make me happy if she would move back to Germany

_ToJam: _Damn dude

_CanonEOS: _Alright man, if thats what you say

_Shin-Man: _You guys need to trust me, I've dropped her like a bad habit

_ClassRep has signed in._

_ClassRep:_ Do I even want to know why Asuka won't answer her messages???

_Shin-Man: _The better question is do any of us care that she isn't

_ToJam:_ She a little mad at Kensuke and Shinji right now

_CanonEOS:_ Traitor!!!!

_ClassRep: _Why is she mad

_Shin-Man: _I bet Kensuke that I could call her a bitch and he could tell her and she wouldn't get mad at him

_ToJam: _I had nothing to do with it I swear!

_CanonEOS: _A little whipped are we?

_ClassRep: _Shut up Kensuke, Shinji I think you should apologize to Asuka...

_Shin-Man:_ I'm sorry Hikari but I won't apologize to her

_ClassRep: _Do you know how awkward you are making this Shinji?

_Shin-Man: _How am I making anything awkward???

_ClassRep: _Toji likes hanging out with you. I like hanging out with him. Asuka likes to hangout with me. You don't want to be within ten feet of Asuka. You and Kensuke would do things to depress her more then she already is. I would get mad at you two. I would ask Toji to pick between hanging out with you two or me. Do you now understand why you are making this awkward.

_Shin-Man:_ And Asuka is the one that put me in the position that I am

_ClassRep:_ I know, it's her fault, but she apologized to you. You should have accepted it and moved on

_Shin-Man:_ Just so she could turn around and do it again when something doesn't go her way???

_ClassRep:_ She is trying Shinji, she really is

_Shin-Man: _Too little, too late

_ClassRep:_ Have it your way Shinji. You will regret this.

_ClassRep has signed out._

_ToJam: _Hey guys I got to go

_CanonEOS: _Bye Toji

_Shin-Man: _Later

_ToJam has signed out._

_CanonEOS: _She does seem to be honestly sorry

_Shin-Man: _Not you too Kensuke... I need you on my side!

_CanonEOS: _Dude calm down, I am on your side.

_Shin-Man: _Then stop trying to defend her. You were always the one to tell me how bad she is

_CanonEOS: _I'm just trying to make sure you don't do something you will end up regretting

_Shin-Man has signed out._

_CanonEOS:_ He is being an asshole.

Kensuke realized that he just sent the message to himself and closed the IM program and opened up a game. Meanwhile, Shinji had his head down on his desk and Asuka was chatting with Hikari about how much of an asshole Shinji was this morning. And of coarse, Toji was staring at Hikari. Shinji heard a beep come from his laptop, he pondered whether or not he should open it. He finally did when he received a second beep.

_GreenEyes: _Hi!

_GreenEyes: _Help! I'm trapped inside your laptop!

_Shin-Man: _Lol, who's this?

_GreenEyes: _My name is Tamara

_Shin-Man: _Oh, you started here two weeks ago, right?

_GreenEyes: _You remembered! That's so sweet!

_Shin-Man: _So how do you like it here?

_GreenEyes: _It's a lot like my old school, except there people didn't treat me like crap for not being Japanese

_Shin-Man: _Really?? I figured with Asuka being here nobody would have problems with foreigners. Oh wait, maybe it's because of her...

_GreenEyes: _I'm going to assume your talking about the redhead in our class?

_Shin-Man: _Yea, she is basically a bitch to everyone, so they may think that you are like that too

_GreenEyes: _I've been called talkative, but never a bitch lol

_Shin-Man: _Well so far I would say your nothing like her!

_GreenEyes: _Isn't she your girlfriend?

_Shin-Man:_ NO, we were friends and we are roommates, but that's as far as it goes

_GreenEyes: _Your no longer friends?

_Shin-Man: _No, we had a fight a couple days ago, (one of thousands) and I told her I couldn't take it anymore

_GreenEyes: _It sounds like you need a new friend! :-)

_Shin-Man:_ You would want to be my friend???

_GreenEyes: _Everyone think very highly of you, they say your a good person. Who wouldn't want to be friends with a person like that?

_Shin-Man: _Well you seem like a good person yourself

_GreenEyes: _They said you were nice!

_Shin-Man: _Thanks, what kind of music do you listen too?

_GreenEyes: _You promise not to laugh at me?

_Shin-Man: _Yes, I promise.

_GreenEyes: _Classical, there's nothing like a good symphony to calm the nerves

_Shin-Man: _Well if I would laugh at you I would have to laugh at myself also.

_GreenEyes: _You like classic too???

_Shin-Man:_ Yes, and I even play it on my Cello

_GreenEyes: _That's so cool!

_Shin-Man: _Really???

_GreenEyes: _Yes Really! I would love to hear you play sometime!

_Shin-Man: _Ok, but I'm not that good at it

_GreenEyes: _They also say your very modest

_Shin-Man: _Yea I guess so, we could go to a park or something, I could see Asuka trying to ruin our fun

_GreenEyes: _How about my place?

_Shin-Man: _Great! I'll be there around 6:30

Shinji and Tamara carried on the conversation for the rest of the morning. Shinji discovered that him and Tamara have a lot in common, they share the same taste in movies, plays and basically everything else. Shinji invited Tamara to join him and his friends for lunch, and she accepted.

Shinji was fairly confident that he just found his distraction from Asuka. Meanwhile, Asuka was wondering what was being said that would make him smile so much.

_Pilot02:_ Who is Shinji talking to??

_ClassRep: _I'm not sure, but I know it's not Toji or Kensuke

_Pilot02:_ How can you tell?

_ClassRep:_ Kensuke is playing a game and Toji is staring at me

_Pilot02:_ Maybe he's talking to another girl...

_ClassRep: _I did warn you Asuka, you really need to set things straight with him...

_Pilot02:_ I will try talking to him again tonight

_ClassRep:_ Just remember to stay calm

_Pilot02:_ I know, I know

***

Later that day Asuka was at home doing her homework, well, she was pretending to do her homework so she would have a legitimate excuse to wait in the kitchen for Shinji to get home. He had come home from school, made himself and Misato a quick dinner and then grabbed his cello and left without saying a word. Asuka finally listened to her rumbling stomach and put down her pencil and got up to make herself dinner. She attempted to make herself chicken nuggets out of some chicken breast that was in the freezer. Asuka ignored the fact that she didn't know how to make the batter, and that they didn't have a deep fryer and that she tried cooking them in a microwave. Had anyone bothered to be around at the time, they would have seen Asuka openly admit failure for the first time in her life.

After cleaning up the mess, she picked up her cell and called a pizza place that delivers. Being somewhat conscious of her need to prove to Shinji that she is trying to be a better person, she asked for the pizza to be divided in half. The right side contained everything she and Misato like, while the other side contained what Shinji liked. She hoped the saying 'small gestures go a long way' would hold true. After the pizza was delivered, Asuka went to her room and put on her usual night attire. She grabbed a plate from the cabinet and put a slice of pizza on it and went and sat in front of the T.V.. Another piece of pizza, a couple of sodas and an hour and half later, Shinji finally came through the doorway carrying his cello. Asuka jumped to her feet and greeted Shinji as he walked by.

"Welcome home Shinji!" Asuka said a little too enthusiastically. Shinji just ignored her, walked into his room and put his cello in the corner. He then walked back into the kitchen to get a drink.

"I ordered a pizza with what you like on half of it, if you are hungry." Asuka said hoping that would get his attention.

"Too lazy to cook?" Was Shinji's only response.

"I-I screwed up making chicken nuggets." Asuka said dejectedly with her head down.

"Why the hell would you try and make chicken nug... Wait, were did you get the chicken from?"

"I got it from the freezer?" Asuka said questioningly.

"Damn it Asuka!" Shinji's outburst startled Asuka. "That's what I was going to use for dinner tomorrow!"

"How was I Su..." Was all she could say before being cut off by Shinji.

"Maybe if you stopped for one second to think about someone else besides yourself for a change, you would have realized that maybe the chicken was in there for a reason!" Yelled Shinji.

"Why are you yelling at me?!" Shouted Asuka in return.

"Because your an inconsiderate bitch that takes what ever she wants without thinking about the effects it will have on other people!" Shinji was now a few inches away from her.

"It just some fucking chicken Shinji! I will go buy some more tomorrow after school. And I wouldn't have used it if you wouldn't have been a prick and not made me dinner!" Asuka shouted in response.

"Is her royal fucking heinous upset with her lowly commoner roommate? Shall I get down on my hands and knees and kiss her feet to make up for it?"

"No, but you can kiss my ass!" Shouted Asuka as she stormed into her room.

"If that's what her Heinous requests!" Shouted Shinji through Asuka's door.

Shinji lost the urge to continue when he heard the muffled sobs escape Asuka's room. He ignored the knot in his stomach as he headed off to his room to get some sleep.

***

Asuka's cell phone going off is what had interrupted her slumber. Knowing that she couldn't count on Shinji to wake her up has caused her to set the alarm on her phone. She rubbed the sleep from her slightly swollen eyes and walked towards the bathroom. After leaving the shower, she got dressed and headed into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and sat at the table until it was time to leave. Mysteriously, she had yet to see Shinji, not that she minded, she was now hell bent on ignoring him. She found that it was easy to pretend she hated him if she actually did hate him. Her entire lonely walk to school consisted of her cursing his very existence in the world. Her rant was cut short by the sight of Hikari walking down the street with that bastard and his stooge buddies, plus one.

'Who's the girl? Maybe she was walking with Hikari.' Asuka thought to herself.

Asuka kept her distance from the group as they made their way into the school. She quickly went to her locker, got her books out and headed to class so she would be the first person there. Well the first person if Ayanami didn't bother to show up. Asuka walked into the classroom and was presented with one of the biggest shocks of her life. Rei was standing in front of the chalkboard, half way through drawing a three foot penis on it. Each teen froze at the sight of the other. They just stared at each other for a few moments before Ayanami squinted her eyes.

"Tell no one." Was all that Rei said.

"O-ok." Asuka shivered at the glare she was receiving.

Rei proceeded to finish the drawing and then went to her desk and sat down. Asuka didn't dare look at her, but she could have sworn she saw Rei smirking out of the corner of her eye. They sat in silence staring at the penis for the next ten minutes until Hikari walked in. She made it about halfway to her seat before realization struck.

"Another one! If I ever catch the pervert that keeps doing this!" Fumed the class rep.

"This is... unacceptable behavior, may I suggest you do a better job of keeping your class in check." Rei said without one single facial expression.

"I apologize Rei, I promise to do a better job in the future." Said a dejected Hikari as she erased the chalk board.

"Very well." Is all Rei said.

Asuka just stared at the board, rapidly blinking with her mouth slightly open. 'What the hell just happened?' Asuka thought to herself. Her stupor was interrupted by Hikari. "Asuka, did you see who did this?" Asuka looked at her friend questioningly. "What did you say?" Hikari repeated herself and Asuka looked towards Ayanami. Rei was glaring at the redhead, She silently mouthed the words "I will fucking cut you"... Ok, so maybe she didn't actually do that last part, but regardless, Asuka got a cold chill. "N-no, i-it was done before I came in." Asuka shivered and rubbed her arms, Rei smirked before returning her attention to the front of the class.

By the time she got her mind off of it the other students started filling in their seats. Neither Shinji nor Asuka paid attention to the other one. Their friends did notice that Asuka genuinely seemed to dislike Shinji. She didn't steal glances at him, she didn't frown whenever someone said his name and she didn't take Hikari up on her offer to join her and the three stooges for lunch. Instead she choose to sit by herself on the other side of the yard. Hikari did feel bad about abandoning her friend, but her and Toji were starting to get close and Shinji's new friend Tamara seemed to be really nice. She also noticed that there was a lot less drama when Asuka wasn't involved in their daily lives. Asuka on the other hand, hadn't felt this alone since the first couple of years after her mom died. She knew it was her own damn fault, but she also knew he was at least partially responsible. Asuka wasn't sure if she would have the strength to be alone like this for the rest of the school year.

Maybe it was time to consider moving back to Germany. Maybe it was time to move back home with _them_. Asuka pulled her knees to her chest and lowered her head.

'I never thought I would actually miss hanging out with the stooges' Asuka thought to herself.

Lunch was almost over when Asuka stood up and dusted herself off. She was heading into the building when she seen Shinji talking to a girl. Asuka recognized her as the one that was walking with him this morning. She went and found Hikari still eating with the stooges. Asuka tapped her on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" Hikari nodded her head and gave Toji a quick smile. They walked away to get some privacy.

"What's up Asuka?"

"Why is Shinji talking to that girl?" Asuka wrapped her arms around her stomach.

Hikari shook her head. "Because he is being friendly, she really hasn't made that many friends since she moved here."

"What, is she hard to get along with?"

Hikari cleared her throat. "Well apparently most of the students here believe that all foreigners act like you. Therefore, they aren't willing to give her a chance." Asuka left eye started to twitch.

"They're all stupid anyways." Was Asuka's only comment.

"Yes Asuka, they are the ones with the problem, not you." Hikari rolled her eyes.

Asuka glared at her friend. "Now your against me to Hikari?"

"It's not like that, you just need to quit blaming everyone else for your problems."

"Whatever, I'm so sorry to have taken you away from _your_ friends." Asuka's words were laced with sarcasm.

Asuka turned around and walked into the building. She grabbed her backpack from her locker and slammed the door shut before she headed home instead of going back to class. Shinji walked into the school just in time to see Asuka exit out of the opposite doors. He shrugged his shoulders and walked into the classroom. Hikari walked into the classroom with Toji and Kensuke, she saw Asuka's empty desk and shook her head. 'Damn it' is what Hikari thought as she took her seat.

***

The next couple of days had gone the same as the last. Asuka was alone at school; Asuka was alone at home. Asuka was tired being alone. Apparently, Toji finally had the courage to ask Hikari out -she said yes- and now she spent every waking moment with him. And Shinji was doing God knows what with God knows who, all she knew is that he was never home anymore. But Asuka still didn't dare try to make herself dinner anymore, Shinji was already too distant for her liking. Not that it really mattered anyways, she would throw up anything she ate. Asuka would just lay on her bed and stare at the ceiling, waiting for Shinji to get home, hoping that just one time he would come into her room and talk to her. Was it too much to ask for a simple conversation? Was she such a bad person that he would never be able to forgive her?

Asuka clutched her teddy bear as she rolled onto her side. Tears were once again falling on her bed.

"Asuka, can I come in?" Asked Misato.

"Y-yes."

Misato opened the door and almost faltered at the sight of the crying redhead, but Misato never missed a beat as she walked to the bed and sat next to her.

"I've gotten a call from Hikari, She's worried that you seem to be slipping into a depressed state."

"I would say that's fairly accurate." Asuka said sarcastically.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Misato asked as she ran her fingers through Asuka's hair.

"What do you want to hear? You want to know that Shinji hates me? Or maybe you want to hear how my last remaining friend abandoned me for her boyfriend? Or how I spend my days and nights so utterly and completely alone that I cry myself to sleep each night. How about how I often wish that I had died during the angel wars?" Asuka had resumed crying.

"Asuka..."

"I know a good one, how about how three hours ago, I was too chicken to cut my own wrists as I sat naked on the toilet. I had the knife to my wrist, and yet I couldn't do it."

"Asuka..."

"Please don't talk to me like that! I'm tired of being such a disappointment to everyone!" Sobbed Asuka.

"Asuka, I could never be disappointed in you!" Misato put her arms around the sobbing redhead.

"I-I don't know what to do anymore M-Misato."

"Shh Asuka, I know your going through a bad time right now, but everything will get better. I know your not a fan of being on pills to go about your daily life, but I think they could really do you some good Asuka. I really wish you would start taking those pills. Ok?"

Asuka just nodded her head yes.

Misato laid down with Asuka, holding her tightly in her arms and running her fingers through her hair until she feel asleep.

***

This week had played hell on Asuka's mental state. She spent most of her nights crying herself to sleep, she spent most of her days alone with only her thoughts to occupy her with. It wasn't too bad at first, she would make jokes to her self at other peoples expenses, or she would remember a lot of the good times she had. But her thoughts didn't stay positive for long. Soon, she was enthralled in thoughts of self hatred and suicide. She would day dream about how much Shinji would regret ignoring her while attending her funeral.

After the failed attempt, she knew it was time to stop lying to herself. She was going to have to take the pills if she ever wanted to be sane again. She went to her closet and pulled out the bottles and read the directions. She took the proper dosage and laid on her bed.

She had hesitated taking the pills because she was afraid that the pills would make her feel separated from herself, make her feel like a doll. After they had taken affect, she was pleased to discover that they had a calming affect on her. She definitely felt a little off, but not as bad as she thought it was going to be.

"I'll just take them until I can get out of this funk." Asuka was trying to convince herself that this was a temporary problem. Asuka rolled off of her bed, stood in front of her mirror and looked at herself.

"Maybe Shinji will now be able to stand being around me."

"Maybe he will love me again."

Asuka dropped her head. "Then maybe I can stop hating myself."

Unbeknownst to Asuka, Shinji had heard every word.

"Maybe I should just forget that Shinji even exists." Asuka said to herself.

Asuka decided that she should go for a walk to clear her head. She spent the next couple of hours at the park contemplating what she could do to get Shinji to talk to her. She came to the conclusion that she was either going to have to beat him in to compliance, or seduce him. She quickly decided that she would kick the shit out of that scrawny little asshole, and if that didn't work, she would then seduce him.

Asuka was surprised to come home and see Misato sitting at the kitchen table. Asuka took a quick inventory of the situation.

'Misato is sitting at the table, there is an open beer in front of her and five more unopened to her left. This can't be good'

"What's going on Misato?" Asuka asked nervously.

"There is something I need to talk to you and Shinji about" Misato said.

"Where is Shinji at anyways?" Asuka asked.

"Well if you two weren't fighting, you would know that he is with his Girlfriend" said Misato.

Asuka dropped her school bag and started at Misato in shock.

"B-But he said he was in love with me?" The hurt was plastered on her face.

"I'm sorry Asuka, but I guess Shinji just wanted to move on. Anyways I called his cell, and they should be here any minute." Misato cringed as a tear rolled down Asuka's cheek.

"Who is she, and why is she coming with him?" Asuka kept her eyes glued on the floor.

"Her name is Tamara Kinasha, do you know her?" Misato asked innocently.

"That Bitch! She just started at our school a couple weeks ago and she already has her claws in him! How dare she take my Shinji!" Said the not so jolly German.

"Don't you mean _her_ Shinji?" Misato hadn't thought about what she was saying until after she had said it.

"Screw you Misato." said the tearful Sauerkraut.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, But you have no one to blame but yourself Asuka." Misato reprimanded.

"Don't you think I know that! Don't you think I already hate myself enough for pushing him away!" Shouted Asuka.

The sound of the door opening ended the current conversation. Asuka wiped the tears away as Shinji walked in with his girlfriends hand intertwined with his own. Tamara was beautiful in her own right, she had medium length brown hair, green eyes and a slender figure. When Shinji saw the looks his girlfriend was getting From Asuka, he let go of her hand and put it around her waist.

This hurt the redhead more then she would ever show in front of that Shinji stealing bitch.

"Now that Shinji is here we can all sit down and talk, Tamara do you mind if we talk in private?" Asked Misato.

Shinji apologized to her and walked her to to the balcony. Once Shinji returned Misato continued.

"We have received intelligence that there is a radical organization that has announced their intention to eliminate certain Nerv employees for their parts in the defeating the Angels."

"How is that different from any other day?" Asked Asuka.

"Because they're specifically targeting Shinji." Misato spoke as she took a swig of her beer.

"Over my dead body!" Screamed an enraged Asuka.

Shinji's world came to a halt at their words. 'Because they're targeting Shinji' 'Over my dead body!' The dream he had a week or so ago was playing through his head. 'Asuka died in my arms after taking a bullet that was meant for me.' The thought of the dream being a premonition to future events frightened him. Shinji faced Asuka and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Asuka, you have to promise me that you won't put yourself in harms way to try and protect me." Shinji spoke while looking into Asuka's eyes.

"I wont stand by and let you die!" Now Asuka was yelling at Shinji.

"Asuka, listen to me carefully, I will never forgive myself if you died protecting me."

"No Shinji you listen to me! I will not stand by and do nothing! I wont let you die! Asuka was crying again.

"Calm down Asuka, we are increasing the security detail on Shinji to counter this threat." Said Misato.

"How serious are these people Misato?" Shinji asked.

"I wouldn't be telling you this if we didn't feel that it was a serious threat."

"Misato I want you to promise me that you wont let anything happen to Shinji." Asuka stated.

"We are doing everything in our power to prevent any harm from happening to him, _Asuka_." Said a slightly annoyed Misato.

"So what do I do now, do I go on about my business as usual or what?" Asked Shinji.

"Well first, you should dump that bitch, second, you should stay by me at all times." Asuka smirked, while Shinji frowned.

"First, don't call her a bitch Asuka, she is nothing like you. Second, I'm not spending every waking moment with you." Said Shinji.

"Oh I get it, you can defend your little girlfriend, but God forbid you ever defend me!" shouted the Bavarian bombshell.

"Stop it Asuka!" Misato yelled.

"No Misato! He yells at me for calling her a bitch, yet he said nothing when Toji called me a German whore!" yelled Asuka.

"I didn't yell at you Asuka, and I've heard the rumors at school, and I know you have been on a lot of dates!" Yelled Shinji.

"You think I'm a whore! I'm still a virgin you fucking asshole!" Asuka screamed as her tears rolled off her chin.

"You expect me to believe that with all the college guys you hung out with!" Asuka's heart broke when those words left Shinji's lips.

"Shinji, Asuka is still a virgin, her monthly physicals at Nerv prove that." Misato was disappointed he would think that little of Asuka.

"Y-You were my first kiss!" screamed Asuka between sobs.

Shinji was stunned and Asuka stormed into her room bawling, she collapsed on the floor next to her bed. Misato just shook her head as she retreated to her room with the remains of the six pack under her arm. Shinji, feeling like the burnt, insensitive, stomped on bag of dog shit that he was, headed to the balcony.

"Thank you for sticking up for me Shinji." Said the green eyed Shinji stealing bitch.

Shinji leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

***

Arrogance. That one word has summed up the life of one Asuka Langley Soryu. Arrogance has made her strive to be the best. However, her arrogance has made her fall from grace that much more spectacular. She hasn't held the highest sync ratio in three years. She can no longer claim to have the highest G.P.A.. She no longer has Shinji.

All she had to do was treat him with a little bit of respect and he would still be wrapped around her finger. Instead he was with _her_. He's less then twenty feet away, and he's with her, while Asuka is sitting on her bedroom floor, crying her heart out. He had insinuated that she was a whore and a liar while sticking up for a girl he barely knew. He couldn't be bothered with her anymore, he had discarded her like the used up, unwanted and worthless bitch that she was. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate him for it. Arrogance is not a word that could be currently used to sum up one Asuka Langley Soryu. Broken summed her up much better.

Asuka picked herself up off the floor and exited her room, she looked at the young couple on the balcony. He was against her back with his arms wrapped around her stomach while she had leaned her head back on to his shoulder. For the first time in a long time Shinji looked truly happy. Asuka stifled a sob as she made her way into the bathroom before retreating back to her room.

Whoever was the jackass that coined the phrase 'its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all' has obviously never had their still beating heart ripped out of their chest and danced upon by Unit-01. No one has ever puked their guts up for not being in love, no one has ever splattered brain matter all over a wall for not being in love. Not being in love has never made Asuka want to down a bottle of Advil just to make the pain inside go away.

Asuka eventually got hungry and headed to the fridge to get something to eat. An epiphany struck her as she gazed at the large quantity of cheap beer before her. No longer was Misato a raging alcoholic with poor taste, no, in fact, the woman was a genius.

***

The next morning had reared its ugly head as daylight broke threw Asuka's blinds. Shinji had felt guilty for insinuating she was a whore, so he decided that he could still ignore her while waking her up in the mornings. Shinji prepared himself for the verbal abuse that he was about to get, however, he had not prepared himself for what he saw when he opened her door. Lying in front of him was Asuka with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, surrounded by eight empty beer cans and a large splatter of vomit.

'When did we have corn?' Thought Shinji as he processed the scene.

"A-Asuka?" No response.

"Asuka?" Still nothing.

Shinji gave her a light shake, as he does, he sees something drop from Asuka's grip. It was a photo of Shinji he didn't know she had.

Shinji guilt level had increased knowing that she had drunken herself into a stupor while clutching his photo. So he went to work cleaning up the cans and the small lake of vomit, then he picked her up and put her in bed. She felt clammy and her breaths were shallow. This frightened him as he was worried about alcohol poisoning.

"Asuka! Asuka!" Her only movement was from the intake and exhaustion of air from her lungs.

"Asuka! Please wake up!" Shinji shook her again.

"Shinji please don't talk so loud." Whispered the hungover German.

"It's time for you to wake up Asuka." Whispered Shinji.

"I feel like shit, please don't make me get up." Asuka pouted.

"You should have thought about that before you drank so much." Reprimanded Shinji.

"I don't need a lecture from you." Asuka covered her ears with her pillows.

"Would you prefer one from Misato?" Shinji asked with a smirk.

"You wouldn't dare." Asuka growled at him.

"Do what you want Asuka, but I'm headed to Tamara's house, so this is your last chance to get up before Misato comes in here."

"Whatever, this is your fault anyways." Asuka said.

"Sure it is Asuka, I forced you to drink last night." Shinji's sarcasm wasn't lost on Asuka.

"You can't blame me for drinking, after all, I'm just some stupid dirty whore, right Shinji?" Mocked Asuka.

"Wow, you've only been up for thirty seconds and you are already in bitch mode. I think that's a new record."

"You're such a bastard." Asuka gave him the finger.

"Flattery doesn't work on me." Smirked Shinji.

"Leave me alone." Asuka said as she rolled over.

"My pleasure." Shinji walked out of her room.

***

Asuka was having a bad day. Her hangover had progressively gotten better but Shinji hadn't been making her lunches, so she has been buying a yogurt from the cafeteria everyday, and eating yogurt everyday gets old pretty quick. Shinji was with Tamara and Hikari was with Toji, that left Asuka alone by the tree at lunch. Being abandoned was nothing new to Asuka, but that didn't make her feel any better about it. She couldn't help herself from starring at Shinji whenever she got the opportunity to do so, but right now, she wished she hadn't. They had been making out for the last few minutes which caused her appetite to disappear and her jealousy to rear its ugly head. She was furious and she would be damned if she was going to let that Shinji stealing whore get away with it. So Asuka walked up to the kissing couple and proceeded to dump her water on Tamara's crotch.

"What the hell was that for Asuka!" Yelled Shinji as he and Tamara stood up.

"You should be thankful Shinji, crabs cant swim" Smirked Asuka with her hands on her hips.

"I don't have crabs you stupid bitch!" Yelled Tamara as she was trying to brush the water off of her skirt.

"Crabs, Chlamydia whatever, either way, your a skanky whore, and you need to stay away from _my_ Shinji!" Announced Asuka.

"Your Shinji? Thats kind of funny considering he was making out with me a few seconds ago!" Now it was Tamara's turn to smirk.

"He was mine first bitch." Growled Asuka.

"And now he's not." She closed in on Asuka and whispered. "You should hear him moaning my name while _we_ make love." Her words were laced with venom.

Asuka's stomach dropped and her body started trembling, tears started trickling down her cheeks as she stared at the green eyed bitch. "You're lying!" Growled Asuka while trying to stop the tears.

"Awe, look at the poor little German girl cry, she's upset that no matter what, I will always be his first." Tamara was glaring at Asuka.

Asuka was pissed to say the least, this whore was sleeping with her Shinji and bragging to her about it! Asuka had to restrain from attacking her, her heart was pounding in her chest and adrenalin was coursing through her body, but she knew that Shinji would hate her if she would hurt Tamara. Asuka closed her eyes and took a couple deep breaths before responding.

"I swear on my dead mothers grave that if you break his heart, I'll b-br..." Is all Asuka could say before her head started spinning. She closed her eyes and tried to balance herself but failed miserably as her legs gave out and she collapsed.

Tamara smirked at the fallen redhead as Shinji rushed to her side.

"Asuka! Asuka!" Shinji was shaking her.

Asuka slightly opened her eyes.

"N-not so hard Shinji" Asuka spoke softly.

"Asuka what the hell happened!" Shouted Shinji.

"I-I don't know." Asuka licked her lips before continuing. "Everything just went black all of the sudden."

Shinji took her pulse as a lot of their classmates started crowding around them. Her heart was still pounding at an alarming rate.

"Alright Asuka, I'm going to carry you to the nurses office, so don't hit me ok?" Shinji said.

Asuka nodded her head as Shinji placed a hand under her thighs and his other hand underneath her back. Shinji grunted as he lifted her up. Asuka placed an arm around his neck and laid her head against his chest.

Shinji's mind was in turmoil, on the one hand he had a girlfriend that was good to him. On the other hand, Shinji couldn't help but notice how right it felt holding Asuka. Which brings up our next lesson.

Perspective. Any person, place, object or even situation can be thought of any number of ways, by any number of people because of their perspective. For instance, if you were to gather a group of people and show them a picture of an orphanage, and then ask them what there thoughts are about said object, you would end up with varying opinions. Their opinions would be based on their perspective. Obviously, if one of the persons grew up in an orphanage, they would have a less ignorant perspective on orphanages then someone who has not. But, that doesn't make the other persons opinion wrong, it just means they have a different perspective.

Shinji was now seeing Asuka through a different perspective. Nothing that felt this good, could be all bad.

When they made it to the nurses station, Shinji had informed the nurse how she had blacked out and had been throwing up this morning. The nurse ran through a simple barrage of test and found nothing out of the ordinary. Her pulse was elevated, but that was to be expected whenever someone participates in a heated argument.

"Whens the last time you have had anything to eat?" Asked the nurse.

"I had eaten a couple bites of a yogurt a few minutes ago." Asuka said.

"How about before that?" Asked the nurse.

"I had a yogurt for lunch yesterday." Stated Asuka

"Whens the last time you have had a real meal?" Asked the nurse.

"I-I don't know, maybe five days ago?" Asuka said meekly.

"Why haven't you eaten?" Asked a worried Shinji.

"I-I haven't been able to keep anything solid down since our fight." Asuka was ashamed to admit to Shinji how him ignoring her had such an affect on the strong willed German.

This statement also had a profound affect on Shinji's perspective of Asuka.

'She cares about me that much?' Shinji thought to himself.

"Do you care to explain why you reek of beer?" Questioned the nurse.

"I spilled a can on me while cleaning up after our guardian this morning." Lied Asuka.

"I am going to call your guardian and suggest you take the next couple days off of school. I am also recommending a liquid diet and bed rest until your stomach has settled and you can eat real food again. And off the record, you can't sweat alcohol out of your pores without having consumed it." The nurse said as she was leaving her office to make the call.

"I'm really sorry Asuka." Shinji grabbed Asuka's hand as he spoke.

"You had sex with Tamara?" Asuka asked with a sad look in her eyes.

"W-who told you that?" Asuka desperately tried not to get mad at Shinji for not answering her question.

"T-Tamara, she said I should hear you moaning her name when you two make love." Asuka had so far kept the tears to a minimum. Shinji didn't want to answer her. He didn't know why, but for some reason he felt like he had cheated on Asuka.

"It's true, isn't it?"

"Asuka, can we please not talk about this here?"

"Please Shinji, I just want to know." Asuka had butterflies in her stomach and her heart was pounding in her chest.

Shinji let out a sigh and nodded his head yes. Asuka looked away to hide the tears, but her chest rising and falling in such a manner told Shinji what she was hiding. Shinji leaned in and put his arms around her, she rested her head on his shoulder. "You said you loved me Shinji!" Asuka said between sobs.

"I do love you Asuka."

"How many times?" Asuka still had her head on his shoulder.

"Asuka..."

"Shinji, how many times."

"Seven." Shinji knew it was useless to try and avoid her questions any longer.

"When was the first and last time?" She felt Shinji tense up.

"The first time was four days ago. And so far, the last time was this morning before school." His words caused Asuka to push him away. Shinji was surprised at Asuka's sudden actions, he placed his hand on her arm only to have it pushed away. "What's wrong Asuka?"

"You were with her this morning Shinji! I don't want you touching me till after your clean!" She had resumed crying.

"I took a shower at her house!" Shinji was trying defend himself, little did he realize that he just dug the hole deeper.

"And I bet she was in there with you!" Anger filled her voice.

"What do you want from me Asuka? How can you be upset with me because I have been intimate with my girlfriend!"

"Because I'm supposed to be your girlfriend! We were supposed to lose our virginities to each other!" Shinji shook his head.

"Asuka, I'm sorry that you feel I have betrayed you, but I haven't. You were the one that pushed me away. There was a time when I wanted nothing more then to be with you, but you keep showing me that you're never going to change. You will never let the real Asuka shine through because you won't open up to anyone." Shinji paused for a second "I don't want to be with the angry redheaded bitch, I want the passionate, opinionated and caring redheaded goddess that I have seen you be from time to time."

"How am I supposed to show you how I am trying to change when you throw everything we had away just because I messed up? I want to be her too, but it's not going to happen over night Shinji!" Asuka was no longer crying, anger had replaced the sadness.

"I've given you three years to change Asuka. _Three years_. I've suffered through three years of being slapped, kicked, embarrassed, emasculated, humiliated, threatened, beaten, yelled at, pushed around on top of being forced to watch you throw your self at Kaji or hearing you talk about how I don't compare to this boy or that boy! Do you know how it feels to see the person you love fawn over another guy? It tears you up on the inside!" Shinji took a moment to rub his eyes. " I have given you three years of my life that I will never get back. How dare you expect me to waste anymore time on something that isn't going to happen."

"I've waisted three years waiting for you to grow a spine and ask me out! I was pretending to fawn over those boys to make you jealous! I figured that would cause you to take action! But no, Shinji was too much of a wuss to do anything about it! Your not the only person that wasted three years waiting for someone to change!" Asuka shouted in defense.

Shinji gave Asuka a confused look. "I-I don't understand?"

"What don't you understand? Are you confused about all the times you just happened to catch a glimpse of my body? Or maybe all of the times I forced you to take me out to dinner? What about all the times that I have fallen asleep against you while on the couch watching a movie? And who can forget the fact that I haven't gone on a date with anyone except you in three years!"

"I didn't know." Shinji said softly to himself.

"Do you know how many times I laid in bed at night just wishing you would come busting through my door to profess your love for me? Don't you think I got tired of waiting on you?"

"Why didn't you give up on me?" Asked Shinji.

"Because I l-lo... Because I know that what I feel for you is real."

"Then why can't you tell me you love me?" Shinji looked at her with sadness in his eyes.

"It's not something I am going to say to someone that doesn't feel the same way about me." Asuka brushed a stray tear away. "And no matter what words you say, your actions have proved who has your love."

"That's not fair Asuka."

"Don't talk to me about what's fair Shinji. You have no idea what this past week has been like for me." Reprimanded Asuka.

Shinji sat up straight, crossed his arms and shook his head "You make it sound like I enjoy not having you be apart of my life!" Yelled Shinji.

"I'm sure it was really bothering you while you were having sex with her!" Shouted Asuka in response.

"Asuka..."

"Do you love her?"

"Asuka, don't do this." Warned Shinji.

"Do you love her?" Asuka asked again.

"Yes."

"More then me?"

Shinji let out a sigh and pinched his nose. "No, but it's not that easy Asuka."

Asuka covered her face and took a couple moments before responding. "What's not easy about it Shinji?" Asuka removed her hands and looked at him with a tired expression.

"The only reason I decided to date her was so I could forget about you. I didn't plan on falling in love with her, but it happened." Now it was Shinji's turn to look tired.

"Well I hope you two are happy." Asuka turned her head away from him again.

"I would be happier if you would stop trying to hide your emotions from me." Shinji held her chin and gently turned her head towards him. Shinji then took his hands and cupped her cheeks while wiping her tears away with his thumbs. Shinji's heart was pounding in his chest and his stomach was twisting in knots as he gazed into her light blue eyes. They stared into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity. Asuka gently took his hands and removed them from her face. "Please don't be so intimate with me. It's bad enough to know that I have lost you without having to be reminded of what it feels like to be that close to you." Asuka started to sniffle.

Shinji let out a sigh. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, I didn't know you had been waiting for me to change just as long as I had been waiting for you."

"Does this mean you are going to stop ignoring me now?" Shinji gave Asuka a small nod. "I promise to stop ignoring you, and I will cut you some slack when you slip up." Asuka gave him a small nod.

"What about you and Tamara?" Asuka asked.

"I still love her Asuka." Shinji cringed at the sad look Asuka had on her face.

"Will you at least consider breaking up with her to be with me?" Asuka pleaded. Shinji pinched his nose and took a deep breath. "You really are putting me in an awkward place Asuka."

"Please... just think about it?" Asuka begging was something Shinji wasn't accustomed to.

"I will think about it, but no guarantees."

Asuka nodded her head in response. Shinji sat back in his seat and let out a breath. Someone knocking at the door disrupted the silence.

"Come in." Said Shinji.

"Hey kids."

"Hey Misato." Shinji and Asuka said in unison.

"How are you feeling Asuka?"

"I'm not sure right now Misato." Said Asuka.

"From the looks of thing you two are no longer fighting?" Asked Misato.

"You could say that." Said Shinji.

"Well what do you say I take you home Asuka?"

"Please, I could use a nap."

Misato was surprised to see Shinji give Asuka a hug before leaving the nurses office.

"Do I even want to know what's going on?" Misato's gut said she didn't.

"Probably not." Was all Asuka said. Misato just gave her an unsure looking before they left the Nurses office.

_Meanwhile...._

"_Is the scenario on schedule?_"

"Yes sir, stage one is complete"

"_Very good, when can I expect stage two to be completed?_"

"Stage two will be completed in three days sir"

"_Very well, do not disappoint me"_

"I won't sir"

Tamara hung up her cell phone.


	4. Chapter 5

A/N: This is actually the first thing I have ever written so I apologize in advance if there is any spelling or grammatical errors or if it just plain sucks. Expect OCC. Also I want it to be known that I am not a fan of this chapter (well to be honest the first chapter is the only one I have really liked). It feels rushed, It doesn't flow properly and it just feels like it's way to predictable. I have rewritten this chapter 7 times over the last month or so and this is the most 'believable' version. I really need to take the time to find a pre-reader.

This chapter is shit, you've been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. If I did, I would be drinking a Bacardi and Coke on a tropical beach somewhere.

'thoughts'

"speech, sounds"

The tears falling from her eyes as she gasped for breath were incorrigible, her eyes were begging for me to stop, but I couldn't stop, God needed to learn that I'm not going to take his shit anymore. Her voice was still ringing in my ears, the lies that came out of her mouth made me laugh, she tried to convince me that she really was Asuka. "Your not Asuka, _MY _Asuka is dead, she bled to death in my arms!" I shout at the impostor desperately trying to breath despite her airway being crushed. This is a cruel joke sent by that asshole upstairs, 'Who's laughing now God' runs through my head as I squeeze her neck tighter. She slowly reaches her right hand up to my cheek and gently caresses it. My hands leave her neck and relief flashes through her eyes as she desperately inhales the precious oxygen her lungs were lacking. I smile at her as I reach into my back pocket and pull out my knife. Her eyes widen in shock as I drag the blade across her throat, tearing the flesh as her blood spills all over the kitchen floor. She tries to talk but no words leave her mouth as her life quickly slips away. My smile widens as she takes her last breath.

I wake up screaming.

I'm sweating profusely and my breaths are ragged, I rush out of bed to go check on Asuka. I find her asleep, safely tucked away under her blankets. I release a sigh of relief and my body shutters. I shakily walk to the bathroom. Noticing I have woken up thirty minutes early I decide I have enough time to take a bath before breakfast is expected. Upon removal of my boxers it becomes glaringly apparent that I had overlooked one tiny little detail.

I've never considered myself to be a deranged individual, but I cant help but to think how fucked up I really am. It's one thing to have a nightmare about killing one of your friends, albeit the friend being a girl you have feelings for, but to have a dream like that and still wake up with a hard on is fucked up, and I don't give a shit that it's a natural occurrence and it can't be controlled.

I just killed Asuka while having a hard on.

That's fucked up.

I'm fucked up.

I take my time in the bath hoping to wash away the self hatred I have for dreaming of murdering her. The hot water does little but the sensation of being surrounded by water makes me feel that I'm not so alone. I suppose I'm not as alone as I used to be, now that I'm dating Tamara, but even when we are around each other I still feel alone. The only time I don't feel alone is when I'm with Asuka, and to be honest, that thought scares the shit out of me. God I sound like I'm fucking Emo. But I have yet to shit tears and I'm not a fan of cutting myself so I guess I don't have to worry about turning into one. Dark and broody I'm OK with, but wearing make up and painting your nails is kinda gay, and Asuka already says I'm one drink away from being a full blown homosexual so there is no way I'm going to add any fuel to that fire. It's not like I have anything against gay people, I just don't find the thought of another mans unit in the same vicinity as my mouth appealing. However, I would kill to see Asuka and Hikari going at it.

"I'm so fucked up."

"I don't care how fucked up you think you are just hurry up!"

I should have known better then to think I would have more then a few minutes of peace and quiet. Apparently only woman are allowed to take there time bathing.

"I'll be done in a minute dear." I shout at the door.

"Very funny smart ass."

I Smirk as I drain the tub and grab a towel. I know I'm going to get hit for my next comment but I can't help myself. Apparently I enjoy pissing her off.

"You know you could join me in the bath."

"And have to save you from drowning when you pass out? Your pee brain couldn't process the beauty of my glorious naked flesh!"

I know, I should stop while I'm ahead, but I can't help it. I'm starting to think I'm my own worst enemy.

"You're probably right, after all it's not everyday you see a woman with a penis!"

"I DO NOT HAVE A PENIS!!"

I really should stop now but she never shows restraint when she teases me, so why should I show restraint when teasing her?

"It's OK Asuka your secret is safe with me!" What can I say, I find my self amusing.

"I am going to KILL YOU!!!"

"Listen Asuka, I know it's probably not as big as mine, but you really have no reason to have penis envy, I'm sure its big enough to get the job done."

Had I been able to speak German, I would have known that the jumble of words coming out of her mouth meant that she was going to bust through the door and prove she didn't have a penis. Had I known, I would have told her I was just kidding. She wasn't kidding about proving me wrong, she barged in, closed the door and dropped her panties around her ankles. I was like a priest staring at a little boy, I couldn't have looked away even if I wanted to.

"Like what you see Third Child?"

"Y-Yes." I acknowledged her response verbally yet couldn't help but nod like a drunken fool, I'm also fairly certain I'm drooling.

"It's a shame your with Tamara." Damn she said that in her sexy voice.

"W-Why is that a shame?" I can't believe she hasn't hit me yet.

"Well I woke up reeaallyy horny this morning and if you didn't have a girlfriend I might have let you touch me."

"I know damn well you wouldn't ever let me touch you." But God I wish she would.

"Are you sure about that?" I grow weak in the knees when she bites her lower lip and gives me that look, then I almost faint when she removes her top.

"Are you really sure?" I can only nod as the diverted blood flow incapacitates my higher brain functions. She walks towards me with a swing in her hips and places her hand on mine. My eyes open in shock as she takes my hand and places it on her breast. I squeeze the soft flesh in my hand as I try to come to terms with what the hell is happening. The soft moan she releases sends electricity through my body, I reach up and grope her other breast with my free hand. I was too distracted to notice that my towel had fallen from around my waist, I however noticed she had started leaning against me, I think she noticed when I removed a hand from her breast and started squeezing her ass, placing my mouth where my right hand had been moments ago. Her body shudders as my mouth captured her nipple, I take my hand and cup her mound, she's about to protest until my mouth left her nipple and I brought my head up and placed my lips on hers. Her arms reaches around my neck as she returns the kiss with an unexpected amount of passion. I take it that she is enjoying this as much as I am, so I take it up a step, I slide my tongue into her mouth at the same time I slide a finger into her slit. She doesn't seem to be kosher with this, or at least that's the impression I get when she removes my hand and slowly backs away.

"Shinji I can't do this." If I didn't know any better I would have thought she looked scared.

"What? Why not?"

"I didn't mean for it to go that far."

"Neither did I but we both seemed to enjoy it." If I didn't know any better I could have sworn I seen a tear run down her cheek.

"You have a girlfriend, I don't want to be your 'other' girl."

"So you just wanted to tease me?" If I didn't know any better I would have sworn that I was getting angry.

"No Shinji, I just felt so good when you were touching me. But when you started fingering me it made me realize that I was about to have sex with you."

"And explain to me how that's bad?" My hand are on my hips and my heads tilted to the side, that is until I imagine that I look like a girl and quickly straighten up and cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Because it would just be sex for you, as soon as you got to school you and her would be all over each other and I would be at home, by myself knowing you and her would be together. It's bad enough as it is without having being used for sex and then tossed aside." another tear rolls down her cheek. "If I can't have all of you then I don't want any of you."

I surprise both of us when I close the gap and embrace her in a hug, I wrap my arms around her shoulders and lean my head against hers.

"I am glad you stopped us." Well I'm as glad as a hormone fueled teenager could be in a situation like this.

She sniffles a little before responding. "Worried Tamara would leave you?"

I hold her tighter before responding. "No, I just don't want to ever hurt you like that, and I almost did without even knowing it."

"Thanks for understanding." She squeezes back before backing up while wiping a stray tear away. "Now get out of here, pervert!" I smile and give her a quick peck on the cheek.

I head to my room and work on my man to hand relationship before starting breakfast, fucked up or not, there was no way in hell I was going to walk around school with a book in front of my crotch all day.

***

It would be beneficial to the longevity of man if someone came out with a 'Dummy's Guide to Woman' or something along the lines of that. Had such a book been written I could have learned that women are predatory beasts when it comes to men, also that they seem to have this secret ability to tell when a guy has been to close to another female. I knew something was wrong when Tamara came up and gave me a kiss, looked at me funny and then proceeded to glare at me.

"Who is she?"

Confused, I just stare at her with a questioning look on my face.

"What?" Bow down to my superior intellect, well superior to a rock, maybe.

"Tell me who she is."

"What?" I swear I'm not retarded, it's been years since I've licked a window.

"Who have you been kissing!" Wait, since when did she learn to growl like Asuka? Damn it! Why do I attract all the crazy ones?

"I-I haven't been kissing anyone!" Deny deny deny until you can't deny anymore, then deny again.

"Your lying." Damn there's that growl again.

I instantly start sweating balls as her glaring intensifies, having spent so long living with Asuka, I know she is dangerously close to teetering over the edge.

"I swear I haven't been kissing anyone!" The only problem with lying (besides being a damn liar) is that with so many variables that have yet to be defined it's hard to know which lie to go with. I need to find out how she knows I was kissing someone without raising anymore suspicion.

"Why do you think I was kissing someone else?" Subtlety at it's finest.

"Your lips taste like cotton candy." Yea I think I'm fucked, I should have known Asuka would have applied lip gloss first thing in the morning. Holy shit that's my answer!

"I used Asuka's lip gloss this morning!" Score one point for me.

"You expect me to believe that you would wear woman's lip gloss?"

"I-I didn't want to kiss you with chapped lips!" It would be more believable if I wasn't trembling like a twig, wait, that's my phone vibrating. I pull it out of my pocket and look at the screen, it's a text from Asuka.

_'You might want to wipe my lip gloss off before you kiss Tamara, or she will think you're cheating on her. Next time buy your own damn lip gloss Baka!' _Holy shit Asuka just covered for me! Wait how did she know to say that? I look around and see a small smile on Hikari's face as she nods to me. I smile back.

"If you don't believe me then look at this." I smile wider as her face softens.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you, do you forgive me?" Why do I feel like an ass all of the sudden?

"Of coarse I do." She gives me a quick kiss before heading back to her friends. I decide to text Asuka back.

_'I love you Asuka!'_

_'Your welcome Baka but don't say that until you mean it.'_

_'But I do mean it.'_

_'Shinji just please don't say it, OK?'_

_'I'm sorry, do you need anything when I come home after school?'_

_'No just having someone to talk to will be nice. You have only been gone 20min and I'm already bored out of my mind.'_

_'I miss you too Asuka' _It's funny how the emptiness in my gut grows when I said that.

Ignoring the pang in my gut I head to my seat and open my laptop right before the bell rings. I open up the IM program to see if I have any messages.

_ClassRep: _I like Tamara just fine but why are you with her and not Asuka?

_Shin-Man: _She's really nice to me and she was there for me when me and Asuka was fighting.

_ClassRep:_ That's a stupid reason.

_Shin-Man:_ Why so curious about it all of the sudden?

_ClassRep: _Well Asuka told me what happened this morning so I figured you weren't to attached to Tamara.

_Shin-Man:_ Yea I guess not, do you think I should have told her the truth?

_ClassRep: _I'm disappointed you didn't, but I guess it depends on what your intentions are.

_Shin-Man:_ My intentions?

_ClassRep: _If you want to break up with her and be with Asuka, then yes. If you just want to date her for a little while longer then no, but if you think you two will go long term then she deserves to know.

_Shin-Man: _Maybe I should tell her...... In a couple days.

_ClassRep:_ I think that would piss her off more then if you did it today.

_Shin-Man:_ OK I might do it at lunch.

_ClassRep: _Good luck Shinji.

_Shin-Man:_ Thanks.

I closed my eyes and placed my head on my desk, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to be rested up for my confession at lunch.

***

Laying on the ground in the fetal position is not a fun way to spend your lunch period, what makes it worse is that I'm holding my "package" in my hands trying to protect my man hood from a second blow. Once the world stops spinning I look up to see Toji starring at me.

"Who knew she could hit harder then Asuka?" Toji asked while helping me off the ground. I then wiped the blood coming from my mouth onto my sleeve.

"You know, I wish she would have told me she knew jiu jitsu." I winced as the pain in my ribs intensified as I stood.

"I'll admit you deserved to get punched for cheating on her, but did she have to kick you in the balls when you were down?" Toji couldn't help but chuckle at the memory.

"I think I shouldn't have told her, but at least I don't feel like an ass anymore."

Toji stopped dead in tracks. "Hey you don't think she would go after Asuka do ya?" I looked at Toji for a second before I registered what he was saying.

"I don't think she would, anyways Asuka has also been trained in martial arts."

"Either way I will walk with you home, seeing as your injured and all."

"Thanks Toji."

"No problem Shin-Man."

***

Toji and I walk in to find a spotless apartment. Everything from the tile, to the carpets and even the counter tops are clean enough to eat off of. I walked into the living room and smiled at the sight. Asuka was laying on the couch, asleep, with MY pillow and blanket. The only part of her exposed was her face, which held a peaceful look. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. Asuka's eyes slowly fluttered open, her light blue eyes stared into mine. She stood up when she noticed my black eye.

"Shinji what happened to your face?" Asuka gently cupped my check to keep me from looking away from her.

"I kinda told Tamara the truth during lunch."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"It just felt like the right thing to do."

"Are you OK?"

"Yea I'll be fine" I notice something unusual when I look down. "Are you wearing one of my shirts?" Asuka was indeed wearing one of my long sleeve button up shirts, nothing else but the shirt and a pair of red panties.

It's amazing how sexy she looks right now.

"I-I wanted to feel close to you." Asuka was slightly embarrassed to admit that. "If it's not OK I'll go change."

"N-No I kinda like it." Asuka and I share a smile.

"I can't believe she did this to you!" Asuka carried on as she went to the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack, wrapped it in a towel, walked back into the living room and placed it against my face. "You know I'm going to have to kick her ass now." Asuka stated as she dragged me down onto the couch.

"Well what pissed her off the most is when he defended you when she called you a dirty whore." Asuka finally took notice that Toji was in the house. Her face brightened as I just smiled at her, She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you Shinji."

"Your welcome Asuka." I Can't help but get lost in her beauty as we spend the next couple moments staring at each other.

"Not that I'm complaining, but you might want to put some pants on or something." Toji's words snap us out of our daze.

"Shit!" Asuka quickly ran into her room to put some shorts on.

"You know I think I finally get why you like her so much."

I take a second to consider what he is saying and come to the conclusion that he is a pervert. "You really are a pervert."

"I'm not talking about that. She's not so bad when she isn't being the spawn of Satan."

"And your not so bad when your not being a Stooge." Replied Asuka, who is now wearing shorts.

"So I'm going to assume that Tamara didn't take the news so well?"

"Yea I was starting to suspect she was mad when she punched me in the ribs, then I was pretty damn sure she was when she brought her knee into my face. But to be honest, I wasn't completely sure until she kicked me in the balls while I was on the ground holding my face." I had a small smirk on my face.

"Your such a smart ass!" At least she was smiling when she said it. "You know, you seem pretty happy for someone that just got there ass kicked by a girl."

"Yea well I'm kinda glad she broke up with me."

"Why are you happy? I thought you really liked her?"

"I did up until yesterday."

"Why did you change your mind yesterday?"

"That's when I realized something."

"And what did you realize?"

"She wasn't you."

Asuka dropped her head and looked away from me. "Please don't joke about this Shinji."

I cupped her cheek and turned her head to face me.

"I'm not Asuka."

I closed the distance between our faces and gave her the softest kiss I could.

"Shinji I can't do this." 'Oh God please don't tell me that!'

"But Tamara is not in the picture anymore. I have the bruises to prove it." I say while pointing to my eye.

"It's not that Shinji."

"Then what is it?" 'God Please don't say what I think your going to say.'

"I-I'm afraid of you hurting me."

"Not this shit again!" I recline against the back of the couch and cup my face in my hands.

"Shinji please don't be like that!"

"How am I supposed to be?" I closed my eyes and shook my head. "You don't trust me!"

"I'm trying to Shinji I really am!"

"I don't understand how you can try to trust someone. You either trust them or you don't and you obviously don't trust me." Yea I know it's kinda harsh but I have never given her a reason not to trust me.

"I'm afraid that you will get tired of me." My anger leaves me when I hear the sadness in her voice.

"Asuka, there will be many times that I get tired of how you act, but I wouldn't leave you over it." I wipe the tears off her cheeks and give her a small smile, however a small 'Thump' at the sliding glass door in front of me draws my attention.

"What the hell is that?" I get up to examine the glass. A small rounded object has embedded itself in the glass. Realization hits as I see three more objects get embedded. I quickly grab Asuka and shout to Toji. "Get away from the windows!!" I drag Asuka to my bedroom and Toji follows shortly.

"What the fuck was that?!" Toji yells.

"Those were bullets hitting the glass door!" I shouldn't be surprised that the windows are bullet proof, after all this building is owned by NERV.

"Y-You mean there was a sniper out there?" I can see Asuka's eyes growing big when she heard Toji's question.

"They were trying to kill us!" I think Toji is starting to get the picture.

"Well technically just me!" I pull out my cell phone and dial Misato's number, it rings three times before she picks up.

"_Shinji I'm a little busy right now, make it quick."_

"I Just got shot at!" 'We'll see if your too fucking busy to talk to me now.'

"_What the fuck do you mean you just got shot at?!"_

"I'm at home, there's a sniper somewhere, the bullet proof glass stopped all the rounds." Quick, simple and to the point.

"_Oh my God! I'm alerting section 2 now! They will be there in thirty seconds!"_

A deafening sound reverberates through the apartment as the front door is blown out of its frame. I find myself backed against the wall right in front of my door, Asuka and Toji are huddled next to each other catty-corner to me. I put the phone back up to my ear.

"T-There in the house Misato!"

Everything seems to go in slow motion as I hear the intruders outside my door, I place the phone on the ground next to me and leave it open so Misato will be able to hear what happens. I look at Asuka one last time before the door is thrown open. My body shutters as I see a man dressed in black fatigues enter the room, the man is carrying a hand gun. My mind goes into overtime as I realize the gun is a .45 caliber 1911 style Smith & Wesson, gun metal gray with black grips.

The same one that killed Asuka in my dream.

My heart threatens to explode as the man levels the gun at my chest, all I can do is hope that once I'm dead they will leave Asuka and Toji alone.

"Nothing personal kid" My blood boils as he speaks.

"Frankly, I'm taking it pretty fucking personal" Damn I would love to wipe that smirk off his face.

My heart stops when Asuka shouts my name and I see her lunge at me from the corner of my eye, My right arm shoots up, I grab her shoulder and push her to the wall next to me. I hear two loud bangs as I feel the projectiles tear through my chest. I look down and place my hand on my wounds, I raise my hand in disbelief as I see it has already been covered in blood. My blood.

'Shit'

I hear two more gun shots as I feel a splatter on my face, I see the assassins lifeless body drop to the ground. I look over at Asuka to Find her bright blue orbs staring at me. The fear in her eyes and the tears streaming down her cheeks tell me all that I need to know. I feel myself being laid flat on the ground as Asuka appears above me. I look into her eyes as I bring an unsteady hand up to her cheek. It takes most of my remaining energy to speak.

"I love you Asuka."

I can't feel her tears fall on my face, I can't feel her hands cupping my cheeks and I can't feel her lips pressed against mine. But none of that matters. The only thing that does matter is that I am the one that is dying and she isn't. At least I get to die happy knowing she is OK. I really can't think of anything better then that.

"I-I l-love you too S-Shinji!"

It's kind of ironic that, despite lying in a pool of my own blood, this is the happiest moment of my life. That is until my vision bursts into a kaleidoscope as I feel someone pressing down on my chest.

"Hold on kid the ambulance will be here any second!" Is the last thing I hear before I blackout.

To Be Continued.....


	5. Chapter 6

A/N: This is actually the first thing I have ever written so I apologize in advance if there is any spelling or grammatical errors or if it just plain sucks. I had thought about breaking this down into multiple chapters, but had decided against it. I have had this chapter done for a couple of weeks and I have gone over it a half dozen times looking for errors, but I'm sure there are plenty that I have missed. Sometime in the near future I will be redoing all of the chapters to correct mistakes and try to add more content. I have been contemplating whether or not I should post this chapter. I am somewhat worried that it isn't really as good as I think it is, because I know what my intents and purposes were so it might make more sense to me then it does you. It gets a little funky at times but bare with it, it should all make sense at the end (hopefully). There is a little bit of sexual content towards the end. Comments and criticism are welcome, good and bad. Thanks for reading.

-Beck

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, If I did, I would have pistol whipped the son of a bitch that changed Asuka's last name. That (plus that other thing that happened to her) ruined the movie for me.

'thoughts'

"speech, sounds"

The warehouse district of Tokyo 3 had fell upon hard times since the Angels had started attacking. Most of the businesses quickly realized that the lower tax rate that Tokyo 3 offers as an incentive was really too good to be true, what's the point of getting a tax break when your building is crushed by a ten story robot? This side of town is ignored by pretty much everybody, except the lower echelon of society. To them, a five city block radius of empty, dilapidated buildings is a perfect place to conduct business. Who wouldn't want a large, unsecured area for dumping bodies, drug sales or even a great place to bang a whore? Unfortunately -for one brown haired, green eyed Shinji stealing bitch- it was also a great place to deal with your subordinates that don't follow through with their orders.

"Do you care to explain why you were unable to complete your mission?" Said a tall, light skinned man with sandy blonde hair as he took a drag from his smoke.

"I-I-I'm sorry sir, I-I let my feelings get in the way of my mission." Tamara's arms and legs were duck taped to the chair; her face was bruised and bloodied. The fact that she was still alive gave her hope that they still had a use for her, and as long as she remained useful she would remain alive. However, that didn't stop them from showing there displeasure for the way she had deviated from the scenario. Surprisingly, she was happy to be beaten -not that she gets off on pain or anything- It's just that being hit by a guy twice her size is preferable to taking a bullet. She knew that is what would happen when she no longer had a purpose.

"You were supposed to make his death look like an accident!" His fist came cracking down on to her cheek, her blood splattered on the ground beneath her. "You let your emotions interfere with the mission! And because of that, we had to take a more direct approach!" Tamara was trying to shake the stars from her vision as another fist collided with her face, forcing her and the chair to topple over and causing her head to smack the cracked concrete floor. Tamara's face was plastered against the floor, her ragged breaths kicked up dust with every exhale. She watched her captor pull out a cellphone.

"Yes sir?"

"_Ramirez is dead and Pilot Ikari was still alive when they put him in the VTOL_. _He's currently in room 352 of the ICU devision. He's on life support, however, my sources say there is a 70% chance of him making a full recovery."_

"Shit, how do you want me to handle this?" The unknown man said as he stepped on his cigarette.

"_I expect agent Kinasha to finish her mission."_

"Is that wise sir?"

"_Are you questioning your Commanders orders?"_

"Of coarse not sir"

"_Very well"_ The unknown man closed his cellphone and placed it in his pocket.

"Well agent Kinasha, it looks like today is your lucky day."

Tamara released the breath she had been holding as her and the chair were righted. The unknown agent cut the tape that was securing her to the chair, she rubbed her wrists before being handed a rag to clean the blood off of her face. She winced in pain as she stood, her legs were wobbly from the lack of blood flow and her jaw popped as she spoke. "Why is it my lucky day?" The nameless agent pulled a brushed aluminum container out of his pocket (it opened in a 'clamshell' fashion), he then pulled a cigarette from it. He put the Marlboro up to his lips, a chrome Zippo with a Celtic Cross was retrieved from his left pants pocket. He lit the smoke and a pulled a drag before speaking. "The Commander has decided that you will finish your mission." Tamara nodded her head in acknowledgment. "What if I decline to kill Shinji?" The agent laughed as he flicked his ashes. "It's Shinji now is it?" He took another hit off of his cigarette. "If you decline to finish your objective then I will have no choice but to end your life." The calmness with which he spoke sent shivers down her spine. She knew she had very little choice if she wanted to remain alive.

"I'll do it, but I think Pilot Soryu might be a problem."

"Why would she be a problem?" The agent blew smoke out of his nostrils as he spoke.

"I assume she will not allow me to be around him after what I did to him."

"If she becomes a problem then I will arrange for her to be... dealt with so to speak. I've always had a thing for redheads." The wicked grin on his face made Tamara cringe. 'Fucking rapist' She thought to herself.

***

Room 352 held a sight that has never been witnessed before, in said room was one Shinji Ikari, this in its self was nothing new, but the mane of red hair adorning his stomach was. (Normally visitors to a patient in the ICU would not be allowed such closeness, but what's the point of being a savior of the world if not for it's perks?) Asuka had been glued to his bedside for the last twenty-six hours, the only time she left his side was to use the facilities. When awake, she would just hold his right hand and stare at his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of the breathing apparatus attached to the wall. Her face was of constant sorrow, her eyes seemed to always have tears just at the edge trying desperately to escape their light blue prison. The only words uttered from her mouth were "Baka Shinji".

Asuka was restless, the thoughts running through her mind betrayed her egotistical facade, one of the many walls used to protect the fragile girl that hid behind them. It's kinda ironic that she would use aggressive outburst and violent actions as her own form of an AT field, she should have remembered that two opposing AT fields cancel each other out. Shinji's self loathing and shyness were a worthy adversary to her contempt and self hatred. It was a scenario not even Gendo could have predicted. Two polar personalities clashing together to fill and complement the others short comings, the barriers they used were worthless against each other, it bonded them together without either of their knowledge or consent. The weak spineless baka was capable of hurting her worse then any other person that has been in her life. This made her feel vulnerable. She hated feeling vulnerable. She hated him for making her feel vulnerable.

Shinji would pay for making her feel this way, she just hoped he would pay with affection.

"Baka, if you will wake up right now I promise to stop yelling at you for saying sorry." Shinji gave no inclination that he had understood her words.

"Why won't you wake up? Did I do something wrong Shinji?"

There was no sudden peak of activity on the machine that monitored his brain waves, he didn't suddenly squeeze her hand or miraculously open his eyes and embrace her. Nothing had changed, although, she really didn't expect anything to.

"Is it because of the Eva's? Is this your easy way out of being forced to pilot Again?" Asuka squeezed his hand. "I know you hate the Eva's, but if it wasn't for the Eva's you would have never met me."

Asuka thought about what she had just said, the thing that took her mother, father, childhood and innocence away from her, is the same thing that gave her Shinji. The object that had allowed her to be mind raped by an angel, is the same thing that showed Asuka that Shinji would be willing to sacrifice himself to save her. The one thing that has taken every person away from her has now given her the only person she would ever need, no, the only person she would ever want to need. The person that has invalidated the last ten years of her life in a matter of months is now the same one that validates her present, and with a little luck, her future. This weak spineless baka was her everything, yet like most cruel jokes, that everything was teetering on the edge of being ripped away.

"Hey baka, how dare you keep ignoring the great Asuka Langley Soryu! You need to wake your lazy ass up and talk to me!" She slowly lifted her head from his stomach, she looked at his closed eyes and cupped his cheek. "Please wake up Shinji... I don't know if I could go on with out you" a tear escaped its captor and slowly ran down her cheek.

"He's going to make it Asuka." Misato's voice startled the tearful kruat. She quickly dried her eyes on her long sleeved hoodie. "I didn't hear you come in" Asuka tried to appear indifferent to the situation. Misato knew Asuka's pride wouldn't let her show her how much she hurts seeing him on life support, so Misato took the initiative and embraced her. Asuka placed her head in the crook of Misato's neck and openly cried in front of her for the first time. It was also the first time she has felt anything but contempt for Misato.

"I-It's my f-fault Misato!" Sobbed Asuka.

"This isn't your fault Asuka."

"If I wouldn't have teased him this morning she wouldn't have beat him up and he would have still been at school!" Asuka tightened her grip on Misato, who in turn started running her fingers through Asuka's hair. "You didn't pull the trigger Asuka, in fact, Toji had told me that you had tried to protect Shinji." Misato cocked her head to the side and detached Asuka from herself. "Wait, what do you mean she beat him up?" Asuka cleared her throat before telling Misato about the events that had transpired yesterday morning.

"So let me get this straight, you two fooled around and he told her?"

"Yea."

"Why the hell would he tell her?" Asked a confused Misato.

"I don't call him a stooge just to be a bitch, well, most of the time." Asuka put her arms around her stomach.

"I just don't understand it."

"Regardless of how stupid it was, he did the right thing by telling her. I know that if I was her I would want to know." Asuka said softly.

"I take it you have never been cheated on?"

"Misato, I've never had a boyfriend."

"Oh, sorry I forgot. Well at least you have one now." Misato spoke with a smile.

"W-We haven't had that talk yet." Asuka latched herself to Misato again as her tears resumed.

"Shhhh, he's going to be just fine Asuka." Seeing Asuka being concerned about Shinji was a relief to her. The first couple of time she had visited Shinji Asuka would just be staring at him with a blank expression on her face, she hadn't even acknowledged Misato's presence. She had known about Kyoko's mental breakdown, and her eventual suicide. Misato was worried that Asuka was showing early signs of heading down that same path.

"You don't know that!" Asuka yelled as she pushed herself away from her guardian.

"Nobody does Asuka! That doesn't mean we can't hope for the best!" Retorted the drunkard.

"It just seems like your minimizing the severity of this situation."

"Asuka, you have always made a mockery of Shinji's strength. I on the other hand have no doubt in my mind that Shinji is strong enough to pull through."

"I'm just afraid of losing him Misato. We may not be much but he's all I have. I can't afford to lose him."

Both of the rooms occupants turn away from each other and stare at the afore mentioned patient in room 352. Asuka walks back over to her chair and resumes her vigil over the third child. Misato walks over to her and places her hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you go home, get a shower and a change of clothes, then when you come back I will go get us dinner." Asuka looked at Misato questioningly, her hands squeezed Shinji's. "Call me if something happens before I get back." It was Misato's turn to nod. "I promise Asuka." Asuka stood up, bent over and placed a kiss on Shinji's cheek. "I'll be right back baka." The Bavarian beauty walked out of the room and into the waiting area of the ICU department. Asuka was quickly enveloped in a hug by Hikari. "How is he?" Asked Hikari.

"The doctors won't talk to me, but Misato keeps telling me that he will make it." Asuka squeezed her before letting go.

"Why won't the doctors tell you?" Asked Toji.

"Misato's orders, I think she is tired of seeing me cry." Asuka said with a tearful chuckle.

"I never knew the devil could cry." This earned Kensuke a glare from Hikari and the finger from Asuka.

"Dude! Man Law #115 prohibits you from saying anything mean, sexual or otherwise inappropriate to your buddy's girl while he is in the hospital!"

"I know that moron, Asuka and Shinji are not dating, so that law doesn't apply!"

"Ah yes, but revision 24-C3A clearly states that if there is potential for the girl and the friend to start dating – in a reasonable amount of time – then you should err on the side of caution!"

"This coming from the guy that broke #32!" Shouted Kensuke

"True! But she hit me three times consecutively, there for the Law of Threes should apply!" Everyone stared at Toji.

"What the hell does the Law of Threes have to do with you hitting me?" Both boys stared at Asuka.

Kensuke took his glasses off and proceeded to wipe them on his shirt. "My dimwitted friend here believes that the whole 'getting back what you give times three' should work in reverse also. And since you hit him three times he believes he was justified in hitting you once because he had already been punished for it."

"So he believes that he had gotten preemptive karma?" Asked Hikari.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." He examines his glasses before he continued wiping.

"But... but that's just plain stupid." Asuka shook her head.

"I know." Kensuke put his glasses back on.

"Now wait a minute, if it wasn't preemptive karma then what had I done to deserve that?"

"First off, I only smacked you twice. Secondly, I smacked you the first time because you called me a bitch, the second slap was for you calling me a German whore. I would also like to say that you were the one that had started with the name calling that time."

"Hey, why did you try to talk to Shinji when you got home?" Asked Toji

Asuka gives a soft smile before answering. "Actually I had wanted to tell him that me not trusting him wasn't personal."

"How is not trusting someone not personal?" Asked Kensuke.

"It's.... complicated, I don't distrust Shinji, I just... just..." Asuka drops her head and let's out a sigh. "I guess it is personal, but yet it isn't because it its not something against him. Listen, I know he is trustworthy and I know he loves me and he would never intentionally hurt me." Asuka glared at a gagging Kensuke. "It's just that everyone I have ever been close to has unintentionally hurt me." Kensuke shook his head. "I thought the great Asuka Langley Soryu was fearless, only to find out she is afraid of Shinji." The tone Kensuke had spoken suggested he meant no harm by it. Asuka looked at Kensuke. "There are only three people that I have allowed myself to get close to: Kaji, Hikari and Shinji. Those three people are the only ones I have cared for since my mother died, so excuse me for being scared."

"I'm shocked that you would actually admit your feelings for Shinji." Said Kensuke.

"I was shocked he would ever have feelings for someone like me." Whispered Asuka.

"Your not that bad Asuka, well, not anymore at least." Smirked Toji.

"Thanks... I guess, anyways, I need to go home to take a shower and pack some clothes."

"Your going alone?" Asked Hikari.

"Yea, why?"

"Your going alone to an apartment were people were trying to kill you. That's stupid." Proclaimed Hikari.

"Section two is always around so I really don't have to worry about it."

"Still, we all will accompany you."

"Now wait one minute..." Both Toji and Kensuke were cut off by Hikari's glare. "You two wouldn't dream of letting two gorgeous, defenseless girls like us go into a dangerous place by ourselves would you? WOULD YOU?!" Hikari was tapping her foot with her hands on her hips.

"O-of coarse not Hikari!" Shouted the guys. Hikari smirked before turning around.

"That's what I thought." She said as she took Asuka's arm in her own and led the group towards the exit.

***

Have you ever thought about what it's like to take another persons life? I've never really given it much thought before, it was just something that needed to be done and I was the person that was going to do it. I never once thought about how big of an impact that person dieing would have on their family and friends. The reason is that I never looked at the target as an actual person, they were never a living, breathing human being with hopes, dreams and a family to go home to at night. They were just soulless objects that begged to be ripped away from this world, just lifeless puppets that were there for the sole purpose of giving me an objective to fill.

I have never had a problem with taking a life. I can remember smiling at the fact that I was staring at a person down the scope of a high powered, large caliber sniper rifle at five hundred yards away. It amused me to know that at any second I could pull that trigger and end their life, they would never know what hit them. One second they're just standing around talking to their buddies, the next second their head explodes and covers their former friends in brain matter. It really is an amazing thing to witness.

I have never let my emotions get in the way of a job. I am a cold blooded assassin that does what she is told to do.

That is until I met Shinji.

Up until that point I had yet to fail a mission, for that matter I had yet to disappoint any of the higher ups. A flawless record until one kind, caring and compassionate Shinji Ikari walked into my life.

I had read the NERV psychology reports on the Third Child, it held all the information I would need in order to tailor myself into the perfect woman in Shinji's eyes. I read about his mother dieing, his dad abandoning him, his previous caretakers lack of regard for his welfare and of coarse all of the psychological trauma that bitch the Second Child inflicts on him.

It would appear that my job would have been easy. I mean really, all I would have to do is show him some attention and he would be wrapped around my little finger. All I would have to do is treat him with kindness and respect and he would be my slave. You know, at one time I actually thought that I was going to be able to get him to kill himself! It would have been perfect! Unfortunately, there was two variables that I did not account for. The first variable was how hard he had fallen for that stupid whore Asuka. The second unaccounted variable was me falling for that weak, borderline homosexual mamas boy. I am a professional assassin for Christ sakes! I'm supposed to fall for James Dean wannabes! Not whiny little bitches that cant get over the fact that their mother is dead and their father is a fucking douche bag! It's so annoying to cuddle him while he cries about his family! And have you ever seen how he dresses? It's proof alone that he is straight because no self respecting gay man would ever be caught dead wearing those clothes! He is so pathetic! I almost sympathize with the uppity bitch because she has to be around him more then I do. Almost.

And yet despite all of these complaints about the Third Child, I couldn't help but fall for him.

And now I'm supposed to kill him. Well that's what I tell myself as I line up that redheaded bitch in my cross hairs. Her and her entourage have made the mistake of leaving the hospital, this is the first time she has left his bedside since he went in. I know I should finish my mission while she is away, but damn, I just really want to kill this bitch. She is such a dirty whore that I would be doing the world -and Shinji- a favor by killing her. Hell, maybe I would get a key to the city, or at the very least a medal. Although, I doubt Shinji would see it that way. I can just imagine him spending the next thirty years crying over that worthless slut. God he is so pathetic. And yet I fell for him.

When did I become so pathetic?

When did I become so lonely?

When did I become so needy?

When did I become so unlovable?

When did I become so weak that one guy's rejection could affect me so bad?

When did I become disgusted with the person I see in the mirror?

Shinji Ikari, that weak, spineless little boy has broken my heart. I will kill him for this. I even get a bonus of breaking Asuka's heart when I take Shinji's life. Then after I wash my hands with her tears I will kill that bitch too. She is the one that took his heart away from me. She is the one that interfered with me and Shinji. What does she have that I don't? Maybe I should just shoot this bitch and take Shinji for myself. I could pretend to be a forced victim in this whole plot. I could come up with some story how they killed my family and threatened to kill me if I didn't do as they say. I could shed some tears and fool everyone into thinking I am just a victim of unfortunate circumstances and I shouldn't be held accountable for any of my actions. Then me and Shinji could live happily ever after. He would still cry about Asuka's death, but at least he would be crying about her while in my arms.

I know, it's wishful thinking at best, but I can dream though, cant I?

No?

Why not?

Why am I the only one thats not allowed to fantasize about a life that could have been? Why am I the one that has to live life through other peoples lives? Why am I forced to take the life of another person? Why do I have to be the one with the blood stained hands? Why can't I be the girl that obtains a love she doesn't deserve? Why can't I be the one to get flowers on white day? It's because you hate me, isn't it? What did I do that's so bad to keep you away from me? Aren't all of your children equal in your eyes? Why am I the one that has to walk through the valley of the shadow of death? Do you hate me God? Is that it? Did I piss on your parade in a past life God? Hmmm? You should know that I hate me enough for both of us, so you can back off a little bit. Why am I the one that has to be evil? Why cant I just be a normal girl with a fucked up family? Why don't you ever answer me back God? Why am I not worth it to you God? Why do you hate me God? Is this a game to you God? Is my happiness nothing to you? Am I nothing to you? Do my tears quench your thirst? Does my emptiness complement you completeness? Why won't you save me?

Is Asuka's life precious to you God? Or has my whole shitty existence been for this precise moment? Is this what will make you happy? Killing one of the people that helped kill all of your supposed messengers? Will that make you happy? Are you listening God? Why should I be the one to do your dirty work? Why should my soul weigh heavy with your sins? Is this funny to you God? Do you get amusement from watching your children suffer? Did it make you happy when I lost my parents? Was the drunk driver your idea God? What about that abusive pedophile at the orphanage? Did you send him God? Did him raping me over and over and over again put a smile on your face? Did you laugh when I prayed for him to stop hurting me? How about when I would wish he was dead? Did I interfere with your fun when I slit his throat while he was sleeping? Did that make you angry God? Was sending those people to 'recruit' me your way of paying me back? Are you personally laying the bricks that form my personal path to hell?

Do you know why I believe in you God? I've thought about it long and hard over the last eight years, the reason is because I hate you, or better yet, I realized you can't hate something that isn't real.

And to me your the realist thing I have ever known.

I hate you. I fucking hate you.

I hate Asuka too, I hate her for having his heart. she doesn't deserve it.

I squeeze off two rounds as my vision goes blurry.

***

No sound was heard as the rounds exited the suppressor. The only inclination that something was amiss Is when Toji felt a tap on his artificial leg, he was in the process of staring at his leg in confusion when he felt a warm sensation on his face followed by a stabbing pain in his left bicep. He clutched his arm in pain as he yelled out, his eyes clamped shut.

"What the fuck!" Toji opens his hand and looks at his arm.

"No fucking way! I just got sho...." His tirade was cut short at the sound of Asuka crying. She had curled herself up in the fetal position, her hand covering the entrance point in her shoulder, Kensuke was trying to cover the exit wound on the back of her shoulder while Hikari was on the phone with emergency services.

"We need to get out of the street!" Kensuke shouted, he grabbed Asuka's good arm and helped her to her feet. Hikari and Kensuke helped Asuka into an adjacent alley, Toji helped himself to a view of Hikari's ass. Hikari and Kensuke gently lowered Asuka to the ground. Kensuke took off his shirt and wrapped it around Asuka's shoulder. She cried out in pain when he applied pressure to her wound and made a knot. "I guess me being a 'military fan-boy' isn't such a bad thing anymore?" Asuka just glared at him with tearful eyes.

"Sorry, I thought it would help take your mind off the pain."

"W-we need to get to NERV before they get to Shinji." Demanded Asuka.

"You are in no condition to walk the two kilometers back, An ambulance should be here any minute." Hikari had reverted to class rep mode.

"What the fuck! Shot at twice in as many days!" Fumed Toji.

"Its kind of exciting, isn't it!" Said the guy who secretly pleasures himself whenever he watches Rambo.

"Getting shot at isn't exciting!" Yelled Hikari.

"Getting shot isn't much fun either." Asuka whispered, her eyes were half-closed as her body's energy reserve had been depleted.

"If I had a vag, it would be so totally wet right now!" Proclaimed Kensuke.

"Dude, that's seriously fucked up. You need help." Toji shook his head with his eyes closed as he spoke.

"I can't believe you would say something like that!" Yelled Hikari

"It's just a joke guys! Man, someone gets shot and you all lose your sense of humor."

"KENSUKE!!" Screamed Hikari.

"Another Joke Hikari!" Kensuke held his hands up in surrender faster then a Frenchman during the Napoleonic wars

"Could you stop yelling please? I just need to get some rest." Asuka's request went unnoticed.

"It doesn't matter if you were joking or not! Asuka's been shot and Toji got hit with shrapnel!"

"Look, I'm about two seconds away from shitting myself at this very moment, I am doing what ever I can to try and lesson the seriousness of this situation. We can't afford to go into shock or be too afraid to do anything." Kensuke retorted.

"Your right, I should have known you wouldn't be that much of an idiot."

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Said Kensuke.

"Hey guys? I think Asuka fell asleep." Announced Toji.

Hikari kneels down next to Asuka, she cups Asuka's chin in her hand and raises it so they would be looking eye to eye.

"Asuka? Can you hear me Asuka?" Hikari was also patting her on the cheek. Asuka's eyes fluttered open to about half there normal size.

"W-what? Just let me rest." Asuka whispered before closing her eyes.

"Is she allowed to sleep or are we supposed to keep her awake?" Asked Toji

"I don't know, she doesn't have a head injury and I don't think she has lost too much blood, her body could just be really worn out form the stress of the last two days, not to mention getting shot." Scared or not, Kensuke liked being the one with the answers.

"Then I guess we should let her sleep?" Suggested Toji.

"What's taking the ambulance so long?" Right then the group was interrupted by a fifth person.

"Oh my God! Are you guys OK?!" The group looks toward the entrance to the alley.

"Tamara?! What the hell are you doing here?!" Shouted Toji.

"I was walking to the hospital to check on Shinji when I seen a puddle of blood in the street and then I followed it to you guys!" Tamara had to fight the urge to frown at the sight of her sloppy marksmanship.

"Your eyes are puffy and red, have you been crying?" Asked Hikari.

"I-I feel responsible for what happened to Shinji, if I hadn't hurt him he would have never been at home." The sound of a distant siren drew the attention of the crowd.

"Do you guys mind if I tag along?" Tamara asked meekly.

"I don't think Asuka would mind as long as you apologize to Shinji for what you did to him when he wakes up." Announced Hikari.

"That was my intentions anyways." Tamara's face held a hollow smile.

The ambulance arrived a couple moments later. It was a newer model, white in color with florescent yellow strips running the side of the unit, it's lights were recessed into the angular bodywork. The back of the unit opened in a frenzy of movement as two emergency workers jumped out of the back with a stretcher in tow. They placed the stretcher on the ground next to Asuka. They proceeded to place her on the stretcher, raised it off the ground and locked it in position. The two workers wheeled her into the ambulance as a third was assisting Toji with his wounds.

"Take us to Nerv, We're both Evangelion pilots." Was all Hikari heard as they closed the doors and took off, leaving her, Kensuke and Tamara to themselves.

***

Misato Katsuragi had kept her vigil over Shinji, it had been over two hours since Asuka had left. She didn't mind being alone with Shinji, quite the opposite in fact, but she was starting to wonder what would be important enough to keep Asuka away for this long. Tired of sitting in the one spot for so long, Misato stood up and started pacing the room. Another twenty-five minutes goes by before Shinji's door opens, however, the person that walked through that door wasn't who she expected.

"Tamara what are you doing here?"

"I was on my way to the hospital to apologize to Shinji when I seen Asuka and Toji had been shot." Misato's jaw dropped.

"What the fuck do you mean Asuka and Toji had been shot?!" Yelled Misato.

"I-It appeared that Asuka had been shot in the shoulder and Toji had been shot in the arm. Asuka had lost consciousness by the time I arrived. I-I'm so sorry Misato!" The seventeen your old assassin laid on the water works.

"I-It's not your fault Tamara. Why don't you stay here and watch over Shinji while I see what the hell is going on." Misato pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a sigh. 'I really don't know how much more excitement I can take' Misato thought to herself.

"Yes Ma'am."

Misato walked out of Shinji's room, her high healed shoes clicking on the tile floor in a quickened pace. Her lavender hair bounced and her breasts jiggled with each step she took. It was only a mater of seconds before she had made it to the receptionist desk.

"How can I help you major?" Asked the young receptionist.

"Has pilot Soryu and pilot Suzuhara been admitted?"

"Yes ma'am, approximately twenty minutes ago."

"Why was I not contacted!" Misato banged her fists onto the poor womans desk.

"I-I tried but your phone went straight to voice mail! I left three messages!" Said the visibly shaking woman. Misato pulled out her mobile phone and verified her suspicions.

"My battery seems to be dead, I apologize for being so rude. Now can you please tell me what rooms there in?"

"Y-Yes ma'am, pilot Soryu is currently undergoing surgery to fix her fractured shoulder, she will be placed in room 303 post Op. Pilot Suzuhara is currently in room 304, he only had a small piece of shrapnel embedded in his arm and it didn't require major surgery to remove."

"Thank you." Misato was relieved, with her luck she had expected much worse. "Can you tell me where Dr. Ritsuko is?"

"Yes ma'am, she is currently watching over Asuka's surgery."

"Thanks, and I really am sorry for startling you." Misato didn't want people to think of her in the same regard as the Commander.

"It's alright Major." The young woman gave an honest smile.

Misato walked in the direction of the operation rooms, this would normally be a three hour journey for her, but having had just watched Shinji being operated on no less then twenty-four hours ago had given her ample practice in conveying this route. She walked up the metal steps and opened the door to the observation deck. She gave a nod to her friend before taking a seat next to her, she stared at the unconscious redhead being operated on. Her stomach turned at the sight of the doctors rebuilding Asuka's shoulder.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Ritsuko, for once, was being the optimist.

"Well then, how bad is it?"

"The bullet was a through and through, but it broke her scapula into three pieces. Fortunately, she will not have to have any pins inserted, so long term pain and discomfort shouldn't be an issue."

"Will she have full use of that arm?"

"After roughly three months of healing, and another couple of months of rehab." Misato released a sigh and a gave a weak smile.

"I hope I don't have to be the one to tell her she's going to be immobile for a good six months or so." Ritsuko chuckled at Misato's statement. "I think what will disappoint her the most is she will no longer be the one that was supposed to take care of Shinji. In fact, he will be taking care of her in about three weeks or so. And we all know how much she just _loves_ feeling useless." It was Misato's turn to laugh at Ritsuko's comment.

"Normally I would agree with you, but as long as it's Shinji that's taking care of her I really don't think she will have that big of a deal with it. Speaking of Shinji, when do you expect him to wake up?" Ritsuko picked up her clipboard and thumbed through her papers. She took the fourth report from the top and handed it to Misato.

"Based upon his injuries, I would like him to stay under the sedative for the next two days. By doing this, we eliminate the possibility of trauma during the crucial initial healing stage." Misato nodded her head in agreement.

"What about Asuka? I assume you would want to do the same with her? Oh, and I'm sure she is going to want to know how bad the scarring will be."

"Yes, I would like to do the same. As for her scar, Dr. Sarri is very talented, but there will be about a eight centimeter scar that should barely be noticeable in a year or two. Knowing Asuka, I'm sure that won't be good enough, so I have made an appointment with the plastic surgeon for six months from now. Oh, I almost forgot to ask you about the bruises Shinji has on his face?"

"That is what happens when you fool around with someone who isn't your girlfriend, and then proceed to tell your girlfriend about it." Both woman shook their heads. "So who is the unlucky woman?" Ritsuko asked.

"Um... It's Tamara something, I think it was Kinasha?"

"Please tell me you did a back ground check." Ritsuko groaned.

"Well, I was going to." Misato said meekly .

"She could be a spy for all you know." Reprimanded Ritsuko.

"Tamara is a good girl, I seriously doubt we have to worry about her."

***

As soon as Misato had left the room, Tamara walked up to Shinji's bed and gave him a kiss. She sat in Asuka's chair and had taken Shinji's hand into her own. She brought his hand up and held it against her cheek, a few tears fell from her eyes at the feeling of his clammy skin. A couple of her tears fell onto his hand before she spoke.

"I lied to you Shinji, I'm actually an assassin that has been sent to kill you." She took his hand away from her cheek.

"At first, you were nothing more then an objective in my mission." She squeezed his hand. "But after a couple of days I started to have feelings for you." She brought his hand up to her lips and gave it a kiss. "I thought you were the nicest, most caring person I had ever met. And it made me so happy to know that a person like you could have feelings for a person like me." She closed her eyes to keep the tears from falling. "But I didn't know you were in love with her, you had said that she was nothing to you but a former friend! You lied to me Shinji!" Despite her efforts her tears were flowing freely now. "You choose that cold hearted bitch over me!" Her hands were trembling with anger.

"I shot her Shinji, I did it because she doesn't deserve your love like I do." She wiped away a couple of tears with his hand. "She will never love you like I do!"

"I just wanted it to be us Shinji. Like it used to be when you were ignoring her." She shut her eyes as she trembled.

"Why couldn't you just love me! Did you finally see me for the worthless human being that I am? Did you figure out that I wasn't pure? Am I too damaged for you to love me?" Tamara was now shouting as her body trembled in anger. "I would have done anything for you Shinji! And now I'm going to prove I love you more then that stupid whore Asuka could." She took her hands away from his, one hand reached into her left jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, she then placed it on his bed, her other hand reached into her right jacket pocket and pulled out a syringe. It was a normal sized plastic syringe filled with sodium pentobarbital, She removed the safety cap and purged the needle of oxygen. She leaned over Shinji and kissed him on his lips one last time.

"I'm going to miss you Shinji." Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she plunged the needle into her arm.

***

(Three Days Later)

I'm sitting on my hospital bed, my left arm is in a sling and I'm the only occupant of this room. Do you wanna know why? Because Shinji felt guilty over Tamara's suicide. That bitch was sent to kill him and she tried to kill me and yet he is all guilt ridden that she killed herself. He would never admit it, but I know he blames me too. Why else wouldn't he want me to comfort him? Once again that damn baka is choosing that bitch over me. She tried to kill me -the supposed love of his life- and he left me alone to go mourn her. If he thinks for one second that I am even remotely ok with this then he is in store for a very rude awakening.

You know what? I'm happy that bitch offed herself. Your fucking right I said it. I Asuka Langley Soryu is happy that she killed herself. If that asshole Shinji would rather mourn over her then be by my side, then fuck him too. Cause you know what? I don't need Shinji.

I don't want Shinji.

I don't like Shinji.

I don't love Shinji.

I swear I'm not crying right now, my eyes are just watery from my allergies. Why would I cry over that loser. You think I care that he doesn't love me? I couldn't care less what that stupid, gay, mean, arrogant, self absorbed, cat shit eating, asshole licking, pantyhose wearing son of a bitch thinks of me. He could die to for all I care.

I can't do this anymore, I can't sit here and pretend that my heart isn't breaking more and more every second he's not around me. I don't want to be that person anymore, I don't want to continue lying trying to convince people that I don't care that Shinji isn't here with me. I won't apologize for being glad that bitch is dead, she tried to take me away from Shinji and I will never forgive her for that. It makes me sad the he is still choosing her over me. Doesn't he care about how I am doing? How am I supposed to know if that baka is ok if I can't see him? Doesn't he understand what he is doing to me? Doesn't he understand I don't want to be alone anymore? Doesn't Shinji understand that I love him?

I Hate you Shinji. Now hurry up and get over that bitch so you will come back to me, and then I won't have to hate you for long.

***

Yes I know she tried to kill me, yes I know she shot Asuka, yes I know she was crazy, but I'm still sad that she's dead. She was the first person the had told me they love me and I actually believed her. If anything, her suicide proves her love for me. And it's not like I wish me and her could be together again, it just, I dunno, I guess I'm just sad that she has had a worse life then me, and maybe I could have helped her. Instead, I betrayed her trust and cheated on her with Asuka. I know she was sent to kill me, but the fact is that she didn't do it. Instead of taking my life she took hers instead. My actions of late make me feel like a horrible person. I'm not even man enough to be there for Asuka right now. Maybe I just don't want to be there for her right now. If she hadn't busted into the bathroom and forced me to touch her, then this wouldn't have happened. Tamara would still be alive and I might have been able to help her.

Don't misunderstand what I am saying here, I love Asuka way more then Tamara, but I do believe that Tamara loved me more then Asuka does. I am really starting to think that Asuka just doesn't want to be alone anymore, that her love for me is just out of convenience, or maybe she was just jealous that someone else was playing with her toy. Maybe I am just being cynical, but if your soul was as calloused as mine you would be too. Maybe I should stop trying to ignore the fact that Tamara is the one that killed herself, Asuka didn't force that needle in her arm, she did it to herself. But I still don't forgive Asuka for being glad that Tamara is dead.

"I don't understand how she could be happy that Tamara took her own life to save mine."

"Because if Tamara wouldn't have done that then Asuka would be mourning you." Misato's voice startled Shinji.

"Jesus Misato, don't you ever knock?" Shinji was glad he was doped up on morphine, otherwise him jerking in response to being surprised may have hurt.

"I did, you were just sitting there lost in your own little world, ignoring me of all people." Misato pretended to be hurt.

"I just have a lot on my mind right now." Shinji turned his head towards the window.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Misato took a seat near his bed.

"After reading her letter, I can't help but feel sad that she choose my life over hers. She is the one that deserves to be happy after all of the shit she has been through." Misato pretended not to notice the tear tracing down his cheek.

"I am sorry to say Shinji, but that's how life is. No one ever claimed it was fair, just or even happy. Yes, what happened to her I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but the fact remains it's not your place to feel the burden of every bad thing that happened in her life. You didn't know her then, there was nothing you could have done to protect her, and by what she says in the letter, there was no way you could have saved her now."

"We could have ran away together, changed our names and never stepped foot back in Japan."

"But what about Asuka? What if losing you was the final straw that broke the camels back? Let's say that you and Tamara did run away together, what would you have done when you found out Asuka took her own life because you left her? What would you do then Shinji? I understand you had feeling for her and her death saddens you, but you need to quit being such a god damn drama queen, grow a pair, and stop trying to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders!"

"Shut up!" Shinji was furious over his guardians lack of emotion towards his dead ex-girlfriend that was sent to kill him, but ended up trying to kill the other girl, and then took her own life to save his. Or something like that.

"No Shinji, you need to quit being so god damn self absorbed! You think hat everything that happens in the world is done to purposely hurt you and I am tired of it! What happened in her life wasn't your fault and had nothing to do with you, it only started involving you when she agreed to kill you!" Misato pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm down.

"You don't understand! She loved me when no one else would!" Misato shook her head.

"So I take it Asuka and I aren't enough for you?"

"That's not what I meant, Misato!" Shinji was trying to defend himself, however, Misato wasn't about to let up.

"Then explain it to me Shinji." Shinji fiddled with his hands for a few moments before he worked up the courage to tell her.

"You love me because you have grown used to me, and I do all the house work so you don't have to, Asuka loves me out of convenience because she doesn't want to be alone anymore." Misato furiously stood up and tossed her chair across the room. This caused Shinji to poo a little in his shorts. "If you think for one fucking second that I wouldn't sacrifice my life for yours, then you don't know me as good as you think you do!" Misato's face was bright red and her knuckles were white. "And what about Asuka? Toji told me how she tried to dive in front of the bullets, but you stopped her! You think she did that out of convenience, you insensitive asshole!" Misato stormed out of the large white room and into the corridor. Shinji could still hear Misato yelling and cursing despite the considerable distance between them.

Shinji sighed and turned his head back to the window. He felt guilty for saying what he had said, not because he thought he was wrong, but because he shouldn't have told her. Unfortunately for Shinji, he wasn't the only person that heard Misato's rant.

***

The next seven days had been a time of trial and error. Shinji kept trying her patience and that was an error. It's funny how the tables can turn seeing as Asuka was now ignoring Shinji. She really didn't want to ignore him, it just hurt less to not be around him then it was to be around him and watch him still be depressed over the dead girl. Asuka was starting to believe he was putting up this facade just to get sympathy from people. Being how the world would never know Tamara was actually an assassin, the news had painted her as a normal teen girl who tragically died in a car accident. Of coarse all that really meant was that everyone who didn't know the real story would call up Shinji and tell him how sorry they were for his loss. Very few people called Asuka to wish her a speedy recovery, or some corny shit like that. Actually it was only five people that had called or visited; Hikari, Toji, Kensuke, Misato and Maya. Shinji had yet to say anything positive to her.

With all the recent activity, Misato had been putting even more time in at NERV, which meant that the two teens were pretty much left to fend for themselves. Normally Asuka wouldn't mind being home alone with Shinji, but now she was ignoring him. Add to the facts that Shinji still wasn't able to move a whole helluva lot, and that the apartment was still a mess from the attack, was adding up to be a rather shitty night for a Asuka. What made her night worse was the breakdown she had when she had first seen the blood stains in Shinji's room. She had cried for about fifteen minutes straight, and yet Shinji just sat on the couch, oblivious to her tears. Asuka spent the next three hours scrubbing the carpets with her good arm, taking a break every couple of minutes so she wouldn't wear herself out to quickly.

After dealing with the stains she went to the couch and sat as far away from Shinji as possible. The silence between them was making her uncomfortable, she would constantly adjust her sling to keep her attention away from Shinji. He was lounging there, staring off into space. Asuka briefly wondered if he would even notice if she stood up and stripped out of her clothes. She was the one ignoring him, she would be damned if he would ignore her.

"You do realize that bitch shot me right?" Asuka noticed Shinji's jaw clench at her words.

"Leave me alone Asuka."

"She was an assassin sent to kill you, or are you conveniently forgetting that little fact."

"Just drop it Asuka." Shinji's voice showed the slightest bit of trembling.

"So, you claiming to love me was all bullshit? You just wanted me because she broke up with you?"

Shinji closed his eyes, his fists were clenched.

"Why won't you just let me be." Shinji spoke with a dangerous undertone.

"Because, I meant it when I said I love you." Asuka spoke with a distinct level of softness in her voice.

"You don't love me for me, you love me because you don't want to be alone anymore!" Shouted Shinji.

"Where would you get a stupid idea like that!" Asuka shouted back. Shinji slowly stood up and turned towards Asuka.

"I just want you to leave me alone." Shinji headed to the door and put his shoes on. He never bothered to look back as he opened the door and ran straight into the heavily armed section two agent. The agent gave Shinji a glare that told him his request to leave the premises has been denied. Shinji backed away and closed the door.

"You didn't actually think that they were going to let you leave, did you?" Smirked Asuka.

"I forgot they were there." Shinji scratched the back of his head.

"Not to mention you are still healing from being shot twice in the chest. I understand you wanting to be alone, but it's not worth risking your health." Hell most have froze over, Asuka gave up an opportunity to chastise Shinji.

"I don't need your pity." Shinji spat venomously.

"Shinji, me showing concern for your health is not pity, I really do care about you." Asuka stood up and walked towards Shinji. Minding her left arm, she walked up to him and put her arm around his back. Shinji, taking into account both of their injuries, backed away from Asuka. The anger in his eyes were no match for the hurt in hers. Asuka kept looking at Shinji eyes, He was doing everything to avoid looking into hers.

"I'm in pain Shinji, I'm going to be in pain for the next couple of months. I-I want you to help me get through it. I want you to be there for me when I go through rehab." Asuka tried her best to keep her tears to a minimum. "I understand that you feel guilty for Tamara's suicide, but it wasn't your fault. She didn't want to continue being the person that she was. She felt the only way out was to take her own life." Asuka paused to give Shinji a couple of seconds to comprehend what she was saying. "I know you don't think she was bad, but she shot me. She wanted to take me away from you Shinji. She wanted to take your Asuka away Shinji, _your Asuka._" Asuka wiped a couple tears off her face, Shinji was still refusing to look at her. "Will you at least tell me why are you punishing me for her mistakes?" Shinji still wouldn't acknowledged her. "Fine, have it your way Shinji, you keep moping around the house and I'll keep ignoring you. Just remember, you were the one that pushed me away." Asuka left the kitchen and headed to her bedroom, Shinji retreated to his. Asuka laid on her good side and cursed Shinji's name until she fell asleep. Shinji just started at his celling wondering what he could have done differently.

***

The next morning arrived about three hours ahead of schedule, at least that's what Misato was thinking as her alarm clock was doing it's daily ritual. The lavender haired beauty reached an arm out of her crisp, white bedding, and silenced the blasphemous (I would consider ruining a womans beauty sleep as blasphemous.) object. The sleepy major crawled out from underneath the heavenly embrace of her bed. Misato stretched her arms out and yawned, she then adjusted her top to insure Shinji wouldn't get too much of an eyeful. 'Just enough to make him blush.' She thought to herself. She slid open her door and sat at the table in front of the beer that had been placed there for her. She popped the top and took a swig. She wiped the remnants of the beer fro her lips before speaking.

"Thank you Shin... Asuka? What are you doing making breakfast?" The shocked Major asked.

"The self-absorbed asshole that lives across the hall from me has decided that staying in his room, moping, is more conductive then being a productive member of this household." Asuka spoke while trying to mix the batter without having the bowl spin. Misato stood up and secured the bowl for the frustrated German, who in return thanked her.

"Is there a reason your only wearing a pink spaghetti strapped top and matching panties?"

Asuka blushed a little before answering. "Do you know how hard it is to dress yourself with only one arm?" Asked a scantly clad Asuka. "And it's not like I can wear a bra, even if I could put it on myself, it would hurt like hell to wear." Asuka stopped stirring and picked up the bowl, only to drop it on the floor when it fell out of her hand. Misato just sighed as the bowl broke and splattered its contents all over the kitchen floor. Asuka was yelling obscenities in three different languages while trying to avoid stepping on any broken shards. "I swear to God that bitch is lucky she is already dead!" Was a poor choice of words for the redhead to use as Shinji was headed towards the bathroom. Shinji stomped up to Asuka and slapped her across the face. Misato caught Asuka before she could fall and possible injure her shoulder more. Shinji just starred at them with tears falling off his chin, he shook his head. "Don't ever talk about her again." Shinji's demand sent a shiver down Misato's back. Shinji turned around and walk towards the bathroom.

Misato examined Asuka's face, she had a red mark on her cheek and tears in her eyes, but other then that she was ok. "How about I help you get dressed, then we will go out for breakfast, and then head to NERV and have Ritsuko x-ray your shoulder to make sure it's healing properly. Asuka knew better then trusting her voice right now, so she nodded her head in response. Misato followed Asuka as she walked to her room. Once the door had been closed, Misato helped her get into a pair of low cut, boot cut Diesel Sevens jeans and a white, short sleeved button up shirt to offset the pink top she already had on. The shoes that had been chosen were a tan leather, open toe high heel mule by Versace. The ensemble was completed with a very stylish blue with white straps arm sling, the sling must have cost Nerv at least three dollars or so, and it was the perfect accessory to any outfit, unless of coarse your intentions were to attract members of the opposite sex.

"How can you afford all of these Clothes Asuka?" Asked a curious Misato.

"My dad may be a bastard, but he is a guilt ridden bastard that transfers a fairly large allowance to his only daughter's bank account once a month. No offense Misato, but I'm pretty sure I have more money then you" Asuka said nonchalantly while examining herself in the mirror.

"I doubt that Asuka, as the only Director of Operations at NERV, I make a pretty good salary." Smirked Misato.

"I have twelve million yen in my primary checking account." Misato's jaw hit the floor.

"If you have so much, why do you live here?" Asked Misato. Asuka turned around and looked at her.

"He wasn't giving me money for the first six months I was here. By the time he started sending me money, I had gotten used to the idea of this being my home, and frankly, now that I know what it feels like to have some resemblance of a family, I kinda don't want to live alone." Asuka smiled at her stunned guardian.

"Well at least I won't have to buy a car when you graduate high school in the next couple of months."

"I had considered buying Shinji one for his eighteenth birthday next month, but not now with the way he has been treating me." Asuka unconsciously put her hand up to her cheek, she then adjusted the strap on her sling one last time before they left her room. Asuka waited on the couch for Misato to get a shower and changed. While waiting, she grew impatient and decided to check on Shinji one last time before they left for breakfast. She walked up to his door, and for the first time since she had been living here, noticed the sign Misato had made him wasn't there.

Asuka knocked once, no response. "Shinji?"

"Go away" Asuka would have sworn It was Gendo himself behind that door.

"Me and Misato are going out for a bit, do you need anything?" Despite the fact that she was mad at him for his treatment of her, she still couldn't stop herself from caring for him.

"I need you to leave me alone you stupid bitch." Mr. Monotone was certainly being an ass today, but not to be outdone, Von Bitchenstein was about to make an appearance.

"Are you sure you don't want me to pick up a couple of syringes?" Asuka knew it was a low blow, but she would be damned if he was going to call her a stupid bitch and get away with it.

"Sure, and while your at it, you should pick yourself up some rope, at least then you wouldn't have to act like a whore to get my attention."

"You son of a bitch! How dare you drag my mom into this!" Shouted Asuka.

"What does your mom have to do with what I said?" Shouted a confused Shinji.

"Fuck you Shinji!" Asuka screamed before she ran into her room and slammed her door closed.

"What did you say about her mom Shinji?" Asked a slightly angry Misato after she stepped into Shinji's room.

"I didn't say anything about her mom! I just told her if she was buying me syringes, then she should buy herself some rope!" Shinji was dumbfounded as to why Asuka would react in such a way.

"Jesus Christ Shinji, That was incredible stupid! I can't tell you why it was stupid, but trust me, it was!" Misato was waving her arms around like a drunk trying to catch their balance.

"I didn't know Misato, I just couldn't think of any other way for Asuka to kill herself."

"Why were you telling each other to kill yourselves?"

"I just wanted her to leave me alone."

"Well I don't think you will have to worry about that anymore." Misato left his room and entered Asuka's, she wasn't surprised to see the redhead sitting on her bed crying, but she was surprised when Asuka didn't try to hide the fact that she was crying. Misato walked up to her bed and sat to Asuka's right, she place her hands on her own legs and just sat in silence until Asuka had cried for as long as she had wanted too. Thirty minutes, some makeup and a couple eye drops later, Asuka and Misato left the house.

One of the plus sides of the attempted assassination of the two pilot's was that they were now chauffeured around in a trio of bullet proof, black Mercedes Benz GL550 AMG's. The SUV's sat on twenty-one inch, eleven spoke AMG rims, wrapped in run flat Goodyear Eagle F1 Super car tires. The front bumper had a chrome brush guard in front of it with two six inch Hella lights attached. One of the body guards opened the rear door for Asuka, and gently assisted her into the SUV. Misato received the same treatment on the opposite side of the vehicle. The interior was done up in a charcoal color for the leather, and the wood trim was from a Madagascar tree. Both driver seat headrest supported seven inch lcd's, normally for passenger entertainment, these were connected to an on board computer system that had a direct satellite link to NERV. Needless to say, it is important for Misato to be able to conduct battle, where ever she may be.

"So if not a car, what would you get Shinji for his birthday?" Asked Misato as she put on her seatbelt.

"I had asked Sub Commander Fuyutsuki to make me a copy of a picture he has of Shinji's mom, I then put it in a pewter frame that I had custom made with her name and dates on it. Although, after today I'm not sure he deserves it." Misato was impressed that Asuka could be so thoughtful.

Misato stared at Asuka in a quizzical manner. "Wait, why does Sub Commander have a picture of the Commanders dead wife?" She furrowed her eyebrows. "And how did you know about it?"

"The Sub Commander and I debate theories on a bi-weekly basis." Misato's jaw dropped. "One day, after our discussion, Shinji's birthday came up and when I told him what I wanted to do for him, he showed me the picture. I had asked if he would make me a copy and he agreed. As for why he has it, I felt if he wanted me to know then he would have told me." Asuka looked Misato in the eyes. "Oh and don't even think of telling anyone, including Ritsuko." Misato looked crestfallen at the missed opportunity for some new gossip.

"But she is my best friend! I can trust her not to tell the Commander." Asuka raised an eye brow and looked at her curiously before speaking.

"You don't know, do you?" Misato just stared at Asuka.

"Know about what?" Misato asked.

"If you don't know, then it's not my place to tell you." Asuka turned her head to watch the scenery fly by.

"If there is a reason I should question the loyalty of my best friend, then I think it is your place to tell me." Misato spoke with a dangerous tone.

"Fair enough, but this doesn't leave the SUV." Asuka said.

"Agreed." Misato was actually starting to get nervous at the seriousness of the situation.

"The Commander uses Ritsuko for sex. Ritsuko knows he is just using her, and yet, she continues to see him." Asuka grew uncomfortable as Misato donned 'the thousand yard stare'.

"Your shitting me!" Misato yelled after a few long moments.

"I wish I was, but unfortunately, I have seen it for myself." Asuka shuddered at the mental picture that formed in her head.

"How the hell did you catch them?!" Yelled a disgusted Misato.

"I had hacked into Nerv's security system and was reviewing the tapes when I se...." Asuka was interrupted by Misato. "How and why?" Asuka sighed before responding. "I'm a genius, who while in college, decided to minor in computer science. As for the why? I was trying to catch Shinji doing perverted things with Rei." Misato shook her head. "You honestly believe he has a thing for Rei?"

"Well yea, I have heard him say her name while sleeping." Misato could tell that Asuka was saddened by that.

"It might not have been a sexual dream Asuka." Misato gave a reassuring smile.

"He was also moaning, Misato." Asuka adjusted her strap and stared out the window once again.

"Oh, sorry." Misato decided it was also a good time to stare out the window.

"So the Commander and Ritsuko..." Misato spoke after a few moments of awkward silence.

"That's not the worst part." Exclaimed Asuka.

"How can that possibly get worse?" Asked Misato as she stared at the redhead.

"Ritsuko's mom used to "date" the Commander" Misato's choked on her own tongue. "And Ritsuko knows." Finished Asuka. Misato's mind went blank when it tried to comprehend what Asuka had just told her.

"How did you find that out?" Misato was still in a state of shock.

"I overheard Ritsuko and Maya talking one night when I had snuck into Nerv..." Misato's glared at Asuka. "Shit, you weren't supposed to know that." Asuka mentally slapped herself.

"What the hell were you doing sneaking into Nerv?!" Yelled Misato.

"I-I broke into Shinji's locker." Stammered Asuka.

Misato pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why did you break into Shinji's locker?"

"I wanted to make sure he didn't have anything perverted in there." Asuka talked like it was a well known fact that Shinji's locker always contained something of perversion.

"What did you find?" Asked Misato.

"He had a picture of me in there, it was one Kensuke had taken without my consent."

"I bet that pissed you off." Misato chuckled at the mental image of Asuka flying into a blind rage while in the boy's locker room.

"You would think so, but actually it made me smile. Don't you dare ever tell anyone that!" Misato gave an evil smile.

"So it's ok if Shinji is a pervert, as long as his perversion has to do with you?" Misato smile grew in direct relation to Asuka's blush.

"I am so not having this talk with you Misato." Asuka grumbled.

"Awe, is my little Asuka embarrassed that she likes the idea of Shinji fantasizing about her?"

"It just felt nice to know that he could have a picture of any woman he wanted in his locker, yet he chose me." Asuka spoke softly.

The vehicle pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant interrupted any further conversation. Asuka straightened out her shirt and adjusted her strap after she had exited the SUV. Misato adjusted her bra, much to the embarrassment of Asuka. One of the bodyguards opened the door to the restaurant for the two woman, both thanked him for being a gentleman. The place was small in size and resembled something like a fifties American dinner, complete with chrome bar stools, a jukebox and neon lights.

"I figured you would want what you consider to be a 'real breakfast' for a change." Asuka smiled at Misato's words.

***

After counting the ridges in his ceiling for the third time today, Shinji had finally had enough of his room. He quickly made the decision that a walk around Tokyo-3 would be an enjoyable way to spend time being miserable. He jumped in the shower, which turned out to be a huge mistake because the water jets felt like needles against his sutures, and then screamed like a little girl. He quickly shut off the shower – while cursing himself – and turned on the faucet to take a bath. The warm water hurt at first, but once his wounds grew accustom to the temperature he was able to somewhat enjoy himself. After the bath, Shinji carefully dressed himself in a pair of blue jeans and a black T-shirt. He went to the kitchen and proceeded to pack himself a light lunch, then headed out of the door, only to once again run smack dab into the chest of an armed guard.

"Damn! Why do I keep forgetting about you guys?" Shinji asked no one in particular.

"If you would like to leave, we can have an escort here in under five minutes."

"I was wanting to go on a walk, but thanks for the offer anyways." Shinji said dejectedly as he walked back into the apartment.

Shinji stood in the kitchen and contemplated what to do next. He wasn't sure where the idea manifested itself from, but reading Asuka's diary had just become a priority. He walked into Asuka's room with out any hesitation. He had been expecting her room to be just a jumble of clothes and unopened boxes. He was not disappointed. Her room wasn't as bad as Misato's, Asuka didn't leave discarded dinner plates and empty beer cans all over the place. Shinji walked up to her desk and pulled out the drawer, but it held no diary. The next five places he searched had turned up negative, but the objects he currently held in hands had been found in a small bag from Victoria's Secret. He looked at the objects questioningly, it's not like he has never seen anything like these before, it's just he didn't expect Asuka to be willingly taking Prozac and Abilify.

"If she is like this on antidepressants, and an antipsychotic, then I would hate to see her normal self." Shinji chuckled to himself. He put the pills back and resumed his search.

***

" -en acknowledge my existence unless I get him mad enough to yell at me." Asuka pouted while stirring her tea.

"Instead of trying to convince him that Tamara was an evil bitch all of the time, you should try mourning with him." Misato spoke between bites of blueberry pancakes.

"Or he could stop acting like such a lost puppy." Asuka took a sip of said tea.

"Yea because that's real likely to happen." Asuka rolled her eyes at Misato's sarcasm.

"Look Misato, I have been the one that has been doing all the giving, I have even been taking the medicine Ritsuko prescribed to me! My patience is running thin and I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to wait for him to snap out of it." Asuka took a bite out of her biscuits and gravy. "I'm glad your finally taking that medicine, and I understand what it's like to give your everything only to receive nothing in return, and frankly, I wouldn't want you to waste to much more time waiting for him to realize what he is losing." Asuka slumped her shoulders, sighed and gave a weak nod.

"I hate to think about what I will do if it comes to that."

"Believe it or not, so do I." Commented Misato.

***

It had taken Shinji thirty minutes to locate her diary, she had it on the bookshelf in plain sight. Asuka had trusted that Misato and him would respect her privacy (or was it that they just feared for their lives?) enough not to go through it. Either way, Asuka had been wrong. Shinji flipped to the back of the journal and started reading the last entry made.

May 9th, 2018

(Yesterday)

_Damn you Shinji! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Don't you know I'm hurting too? Don't you think I would want someone to comfort me? Don't you think I would rather have you help me get undressed then Misato? But you don't think, do you? Quit being so damn self absorbed and wake up! I swear to God, if you continue to ignore me because of her death, I will I drop your ass like a bad habit! How long do you expect me to wait for you to get over her? Do I also have to kill myself to get your attention Shinji? Will you finally notice me after you find my lifeless body? What if I moved back to Germany? Would you miss me then? Quit being an asshole and give me the attention I want before it's too late like it is with Tamara._

Shinji just sat on her bed, silently starring off into space.

***

After breakfast, Asuka and Misato were driven to NERV, were Asuka had her shoulder x-rayed. She was now currently waiting for Ritsuko to tell her if her shoulder was healing properly or not. Asuka was nervous that she would have to be operated on again, she didn't like the idea of being unconscious around people she didn't know. Misato on the other hand wasn't concerned about Asuka's shoulder, she felt that either way it would end up as good as new. Both women looked up when Ritsuko reentered the room.

"It looks to be healing nicely Asuka." Said Ritsuko in a monotone voice.

"Oh thank God!" Said Asuka.

"Don't get all excited, I also have some bad news. Misato, I think it would be best if you sat down." Misato and Asuka both tensed at Ritsuko's words. Misato walked over and sat on the table with Asuka.

"Asuka, you have a condition known as Atrial Septal Defect."

"What is that?" Asked Misato.

"Its a condition where there is a hole between your left and right Atria. As a result, some oxygenated blood from the left atrium flows through the hole in the septum into the right atrium, where it mixes with oxygen-poor blood and increases the total amount of blood that flows toward the lungs, which gradually damages the lung blood vessels. If the defect isn't diagnosed and treated, this blood vessel damage can become permanent, causing the pressure in the lung vessels to rise dangerously."

"H-how do you fix it?" Asked a slightly trembling Asuka.

"Normally a catheter is inserted into a blood vessel in the leg that leads to the heart. A cardiologist guides the tube into the heart and inserts a device shaped like a dumbbell - two mesh discs connected by a short mesh waist - into the hole in the heart wall. The waist of this device fills the hole in the heart, while the two discs secure it in place. Unfortunately this isn't the case with you, your hole is to big for a device to fit. I'm sorry Asuka, but you need to have heart surgery to fix this." Misato and Asuka just stared at each other in shock.

"It's actually kind of a good thing you were shot, the chest x-ray is what showed us you had this disease." Commented Ritsuko.

Asuka just stared off into space, it seemed to her that she was destined to die at a young age. She adjusted he strap and wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes. "When are we doing the surgery?"

"I already have you scheduled with Dr. Scolari tomorrow morning at 10:30 a.m. I'm going to suggest to you what I suggest to everyone who is going to have a major surgery done, if there are any loose ends, now would be a good time to deal with them."

Asuka tried her hardest not to cry in front of Ritsuko, but failed miserably when Misato embraced her. Had it been a Tuesday, in December, of a leap year and during a total eclipse, Ritsuko may have cried too.

***

By the time his two other roommates had gotten home, Shinji had cleaned up from Asuka's disastrous attempt at breakfast and was currently making lunch. He instantly knew something was wrong when he seen that both Asuka and Misato had been crying, Shinji wasn't dumb enough to think it had anything to do with this morning, and that little fact worried him.

"What's wrong?!" Asked Shinji in an excited manor.

Asuka hurriedly walked into her bedroom and closed the door. Both Shinji and Misato heard her start to cry again, which caused Misato to, once again, pinch the bridge of her nose.

"What happened Misato?"

"Asuka... she has... I think it would be best if you went and asked her." Misato walked to the fridge and pulled out a six pack, closed the refrigerator and looked at Shinji. "It's pretty serious, she's scared and you need to be there for her." Misato averted her gaze and slipped into her bedroom.

Shinji took the little hint and didn't even bother to knock before walking into Asuka's room. She was sitting on her bed, her back against a wall. Shinji sat on the bed to Asuka's right and put his arm around her. "What's wrong Asuka?" Asuka placed her head onto his shoulder.

Asuka sniffed a couple times before answering. "I-I have a condition with my heart." She cleared her throat. "I-I have heart s-surgery in the morning." Shinji tightened his grip on Asuka. "Everything will be fine Asuka." May have been what Shinji said, but he really was scared shit less. The reality was setting in that not only had he lost Tamara, there was a possibility that he could lose Asuka.

"S-Shinji?"

"Yes, Asuka?"

"F-For tonight, can we pretend that your still _in_ love with me?" Asuka's voice was on the verge of breaking.

"Asuka..."

"Please Shinji?" Asuka picked up her head and looked him in the eyes.

"Alright Asuka." Asuka brought her lips up to his, her good hand cupped his cheek. Shinji was about to protest, but the diversion of blood flow incapacitated the part of his brain that was responsible for rational thoughts. Therefore, instead of pulling away and telling Asuka how much of a pansy he is, he deepened the kiss, and then placed one hand around her hip and the other on her thigh. Asuka moaned in approval. Shinji took his hand off her thigh and placed it on her stomach. Asuka had actually been slowly unbuttoning her shirt with her good hand. Shinji decided to give her a hand, he removed the buttons before carefully taking her over shirt off.

Shinji's hormones went into overdrive at the sight of her erect nipples behind the soft material of her pink spaghetti strapped top. He timidly reached up and cupped her right breast, the soft material was interfering with Shinji's touches. Asuka seemed to notice, she carefully started taking it off, and with Shinji's help, was able to do it in as little pain as possible. Shinji shivered as he felt every detail of her taught torso, from her cute little belly button, to her barely protruding ribs, to her baby smooth skin. His fingers traced the curvature of her breasts. He took it upon himself to squeeze her firm mound of flesh, his excitement grew exponentially when his thumb and index finger carefully captured her nipple.

_'start kissing her neck and make your way up to her earlobe. Once you get to it, take turns sucking and softly nibbling on it'_

'who the hell are you?'

_'I'm the you that's going to get us laid'_

'How are you going to do that?'

_'Do what I just told you to do'_

'What the hell would I do that for?'

_'Trust me it will drive her crazy'_

'How do you know?'

_'You may not have been paying attention when Kensuke was playing those pornos, but I was'_

Shinji, not being one to disobey orders, did what he was told. The response from Asuka was intoxicating as she gripped his arm and moaned in his ear as her whole body shuddered.

_'Good, after a couple minutes of this, gently lay her on her back while slowly kissing down her neck until you reach her stomach, then slowly unbutton her pants. Then slowly pull them off her body._

Shinji gently placed his right arm around her waist, his left arm was placed around her good shoulder. He placed his mouth in the nape of her neck and gently sucked, goosebumps shot up her spine. Shinji slowly moved his mouth down to her collar bone, planting soft but passionate kisses. He spent a couple minutes working her nipples with his tongue before finally reaching her navel. Shinji slowly unbuttoned here pants and pulled the zipper down. Her pink string bikini panties were showing through were her pants had once covered. He grabbed her pants on either side of her shapely hips, gently pulled them off of her silky smooth buttocks and worked them down her perfectly shaped legs till her body was free from those constraints.

Shinji took a moment to take in the glorious sight of a panty clad Asuka. He quickly removed his shirt and pants, he hesitated at his boxers, but the excitement at what was about to happen over ruled any embarrassment that he had at the moment. His manhood sprung from his boxers as they were pulled down from his waist. He knelt in front of her on the bed and kissed gingerly around her womanhood as each hand grabbed a side of her panties and pulled them down, Shinji's excitement grew at the sight of a little strip of hair leading to her glistening mound. His hand worked its way over her body leading to her honey soaked mound, he faulted at the feeling of her wetness in the palm of his hand. He slowly caressed her most intimate of spots, the top of his fingers gliding up and down her slit. Asuka's body tensed when his finger penetrated her, the shock was soon outweighed by the pleasure his probing finger was providing. Shinji raised his head up and drank in the sight of the moaning woman underneath him.

_'Ask her for permission to make love to her'_

'If she smacks me, it's your fault'

He lowered his head down and brought his lips to hers. Asuka returned his passion tenfold as she slid her tongue past his lips, Shinji removed his hand from her mound to cup her cheek, he broke the kiss and stared into her light blue eyes.

"Asuka, may I make love to you?"

"Y-Yes, just please be gentle"

Shinji nodded his head, he started kissing her as he positions himself between her legs. Asuka shudders as his member comes in contact with her slit. She gasps as his tip spreads her slit, his helmet starts to compress as he gently enters her tight sopping wet hole. Her eyes widen and she inhales sharply as her hymen is torn, A tear runs down her check as her womanhood fully consumes his member.

"Are you ok Asuka?"

"Y-yea just give me a second or two to get used to you being in me." Asuka said with a slight smile on her face.

"It feels so warm and tight, I-I can't believe how good it feels!" Exclaimed Shinji.

Shinji bent down and started kissing her, what started off being slow pecks quickly turned into a full blown make out session as he started moving his hips up and down. The kissing stopped when Asuka started breathing heavy, she bit her lower lip trying to suppress the tears from the pain Shinji was causing her. "Shinji, your hurting me!" Exclaimed Asuka, but her words fell upon deaf ears. Shinji started to work his hips faster as he built up to his climax, her hand was furiously squeezing the sheets out of pain. Shinji closed his eyes and his entire body tensed as he was about to splatter his seed deep inside of Asuka.

"Oh Tamara!" Shinji cried out as he climaxed inside of her, his eyes shot open and his hand clamped over his mouth.

Time stood still as Shinji saw Asuka's heartbreaking. Her mouth closed into a frown, her head turned as her brow dropped in a futile attempt to keep from breaking down. She slowly got out from underneath him, tears streaming down her cheeks, she scouted herself off the bed and stood on the cold wood floor. She covered herself up the best she could with one arm as she headed to the bathroom.

"I'm so fucked up" Shinji said to himself as he burred his head in his hands. Shinji sat like that for about ten minutes before deciding to go check on Asuka. He nervously made his way to the bathroom door. He knocked softly. "Asuka?" He got silence in return. He turned the handle and walked into the bathroom.

Hate. Hate is what he thought he would see in her eyes. Hate was understandable, he expected it. But there was no hate in her eyes. 'Is it anger?... Nope. Is it sadness?... Nope. Fear?... Nope.' He couldn't even sense disappointment when he looked at her. There was nothing; two dull blue orbs of emptiness. Shinji was unsettled by her emotionless state.

"Why aren't you yelling at me." Asked a nervous Shinji.

"I don't care anymore." Was her only reply.

"Care about what?" Asked a bemused Shinji.

"You." Shinji could have sworn the temperature in the room dropped by ten degrees.

"Me?" Shinji was once again showing his impressive comprehension skills.

"Yes, you."

"I don't understand."

"There's nothing to understand."

"What do you mean that you don't care anymore?" Said Shinji in a slightly louder tone.

"Anything that involves you is of no concern to me."

"Involves me?"

"Yes."

"Everything that involves me?" Because asking once wasn't enough.

"Yes."

"So your going to cook your own food, do your own chores and walk by yourself to school?" Asked a confused Shinji.

"Yes."

"What about when an angel attacks?"

"I will do as I'm commanded."

"Just like Ayanami?"

"No, she's a doll, I'm not."

"You sound like a doll." Asuka finally glared at Shinji.

"You sound like a dick." Shinji was now glaring at Asuka.

"How long are you going to keep this facade up?"

"It's not a facade, I'm tired of being hurt by you."

"You set yourself up to be hurt." Asuka looked at him in shock.

"Yes, I underestimated how much of a bastard you really are." She spoke on the verge of tears.

"If you knew about what happened to me in the past, you would think me being a bastard is justified."

Asuka gave a caring look before speaking.

"Didn't you find your mother hanging from the ceiling?" Asked Asuka in a deeply caring voice.

"No, my mother didn't commit suicide." Spoke and apathetic Shinji.

"Who's mom was it?" Asuka puts her hand on her chin and pretends to ponder the question, she then quickly stiffens up and snaps her fingers. "Oh that's right, I'm the one that found her mother hanging from the ceiling! Oh and I can't forget the doll that was hanging next to her that she thought was me!"

"Y-you saw that?"

"Yup! Then my papa decided I wasn't worth the trouble anymore so he decided I shouldn't live with him anymore!"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic." Spoke a bemused Shinji.

"My grandmother died of cancer, would you like to talk about that too?" Shinji was almost relieved to see anger in her eyes.

"Your not the only one who has had there mother die and then be abandoned by there father!" Shinji said angrily.

"So then why is you being a bastard justified yet me being a bitch isn't?"

"But you always act that way!" Exclaimed Shinji.

"Listen, anyone I have allowed to get close to me has hurt me, so can you really blame me for trying to keep people at bay? Hell you were the nicest person I've ever known and look at what you've done."

"It's not like I planned on hurt you."

"But that's all you have been doing lately is hurting me."

"Well excuse me, apparently having your girlfriend commit suicide in your hospital room isn't an excuse for being an asshole."

"You mean your ex-girlfriend? The one that was an assassin sent to kill you? The one that tried to kill me? The one you would have cheated on if I hadn't stopped us? Is that the girlfriend your talking about?!" Asuka was shouting at Shinji.

"You know what Asuka? Fuck you!" Shinji turned around and stomped out of the bathroom. Asuka shakily stood up and walked out of the bathroom. She walked into her room, pulled the blanket off her bed and sat in her closet. She pulled the blanket over herself and closed the door. Asuka preferred the solitude of her closet when ever she got depressed like this. It was the only place in the house where she didn't feel ashamed to cry. And cry she did until sleep overtook her.

***

The next morning was a blur of commotion as Asuka prepared to goto the hospital. Unsurprisingly, Shinji didn't bother to help her or even go with her to the hospital. He just sat in his room until they left. Asuka was sad that Shinji wasn't there to tell her everything will be alright when she was admitted to the hospital. She cried when Shinji wasn't there to tell her how beautiful she looked when she got dressed in one of the hospital gowns. She felt alone when Shinji wasn't there to hold her hand when she received her I.V.. She felt rejected when Shinji wasn't there to kiss her on the cheek when she was wheeled back into surgery. Shinji also wasn't there to worry about her when they stopped her heart and put her on bypass. Shinji wasn't there to pace back and forth for the next three hours waiting for any word on how the surgery went. Shinji wasn't there to have his stomach leap into his throat when they were told they were having difficulties restarting her heart. Shinji wasn't there to pray for Asuka's life. Shinji wasn't there when the doctor suggested that they say their last goodbyes before it's too late. Shinji wasn't there to pick Misato off the floor when they were told that they had tried everything, yet failed. Shinji wasn't there to see a tear roll down sub Commander Fuyutsuki's cheek. Shinji wasn't there to tell her how sorry he was for treating her badly last night. Shinji wasn't there to kiss her on the cheek and tell her everything was going to be all right before she was taken off life support. Shinji wasn't there to witness himself dying inside as they covered her lifeless body with a sheet.

***

A lot of people will tell you that suicide is never the answer, that its just a form of running away. As for the latter statement, its not. I would know, I'm the king of running away. In fact, killing myself is the only way to deal with the problem head on. My problem is that I refuse to live another day without her. So the only logical solution is to end my life and join my dear Asuka, wherever her soul maybe.

Trying to look at this situation in a poetic light, I try to form a deeper relationship with the item of my demise. The gun is a .45 caliber, 1911 style Smith & Wesson, gun metal gray with black grips. I hit the release and slide the clip out, I then proceed to empty said clip. Laying in front of me is nine hollow point slugs in a row, a straight equally spaced row. I examine each bullet in an descending order - examining them in an ascending order would just be crazy - and decide on the third bullet. After all what could be more poetic then the third bullet taking the life of the third child while he kneels in front of his loved ones grave. Its almost a shame that its not my third attempt on the third day of the third month. However, as previously stated I refuse to live another day, so today will have to do.

I kiss the third round before putting it into the clip, I then proceed to slide the clip into the handle. The sound "Click – Clack" reverberates off of the Tombstones in the cemetery as I pull the slide back and release it. As I trace the words on her gravestone, gun in hand, I cant help but cry when I think about how I had treated her. 'I'm so sorry Asuka' repeats in my head. I slowly bring the barrel to my temple. I start to think about all the good and bad times we shared, well mainly bad but now I see that those were all my fault. Things could have been awesome between us had I ever really shown her how much I had loved her.

I shed a single tear as I pull the trigger.

There was no last minute miracle, no second thought, no blank rounds or hesitation. Nothing stopped Shinji from taking his own life as blood and brain matter splattered on Asuka's grave.

***

The first sensation I felt was freedom.

It felt like I was flying, for a couple of seconds I felt nothing but weightlessness. It was awesome, there was no restraint, just me, myself and I in a big expanse of nothingness.

The second was pain.

It felt like my shoulder was being crushed under the weight of the world. This was nothing but a cruel joke, I was being taunted. Something, or more appropriately, Someone was showing me what its like to be completely free from the bounds of reality, only to rip it away when I was starting to enjoy it. Maybe that was heaven and now I'm in hell?

The third was cold.

Once the pain subsided, my world was filled with a level of cold I had never felt. Maybe it was cold, or maybe what I was actual feeling was a physical manifestation of loneliness. Either way, I didn't like it.

The fourth was loudness.

I was having an overwhelming sensation of being assaulted by sound. All around me was noise that couldn't be deciphered, I couldn't tell one from the other. It was like being engulfed in a fog of heavy traffic, while a rock concert was going on, yet I had the overwhelming feeling that each noise was working together, to plot against me.

The fifth was a mother's embrace.

I liked this. This sensation helped take my mind off of the pain, the cold, and the noise. It was a sensation I don't remembered ever feeling, yet I can't help but feel that I have felt it recently. It felt nice.

The sixth was wetness.

My face was wet, yet it didn't feel like it was raining. No, I'm positive it wasn't raining. It actually felt like tears, but I wasn't crying.

The Seventh was brightness.

It felt as if I was opening my eyes for the first time, it actually felt painful. I squinted, it was still uncomfortable, but I wanted to see what was happening to me. I was confused with the blurs I was seeing. 'Purple and Red?' I thought to myself.

The eighth was confusion.

I didn't understand what the hell was going on. I was fairly confident that I was facing judgment, but why was Misato there? Was she the one that was going to pass judgment on to me? Maybe that was why Asuka was next to Misato? Maybe Asuka is the one that will decide my fate, maybe she will cast me to the fiery pits of hell. I deserve what ever punishment she gives me. I deserve it all.

The ninth was clarity.

Misato was embracing me, her tears were falling on my face. I'm fairly confident that she is the one that was making this bearable. I'm knee deep in Misato's breasts, and yet I can't look away from Asuka's eyes.

"I just wanted to see you again." Was all I could say before I blacked out, but before consciousness was gone, I could have sworn I seen Asuka smile at me. I just wonder if it's because of what I said, or if it's because I'm bare ass naked in front of everyone at Nerv.

***

A/N: Well this is the end. I think. Now I just need to go back and rewrite the other 5 chapters and probably this one too.

For those of you that don't understand the ending, everything that you have read, except the very last section of this chapter, has been a dream Shinji has been having while he was absorbed in his EVA. That is why the characters would sometime not act like themselves, at least that's the excuse I'm using. Shinji killing himself was actually what triggered his release. The last section is what Shinji was feeling while – and directly after – being ejected from the EVA. In Shinji's dreamland all the characters were three years older then they are in the series. The angels have all been defeated and obviously there wasn't a third impact because Shinji at the time of his absorption wouldn't have been aware of it. As for Shinji dreaming that Asuka knew about Ritsuko and for the fact that he knew about Asuka's mom for her to tell him? I am claiming that Shinji would have knowledge of these events from Yui's memories inside of Unit-1. Tamara was a representation of the important people in Shinji's life. She was beautiful yet troubled like Asuka, She was a spy like Kaji, caring like Misato, self sacrificing like his mother and a mystery like his father.

I had a back up ending that I had almost used, instead of everything being a dream while he was absorbed, everything, except the first chapter, was a hallucination after he was institutionalized at the end of chapter one. But I think I like this one better so I went with it.


End file.
